Daughter’s will and how to deal with it

Like BlueBelle my instinctive Reading was that it was to do with a “Will”
However, as I have said and others seem to agree, sometimes you have to put the feelings of others first and it must be obvious what is the right (and the kind) thing to do.

I think you have answered your own question. Don't be drawn into any issues your daughter has over her in-laws being sociable people. I doubt they are forcing anyone to do anything. They are just having a lunch party and inviting family members.

That she is having to think of going to the seaside as a distraction (when you'll be going there anyway soon) suggests she might be about to lie to them and use you as the excuse for not going to the party. Oh, I promised Mum I'd take her to the seaside that day.

Tell her you would like to go to the lunch and that you'd like her to go too. Then it's her choice. She can say she's poorly if she must but the problem isn't going to go away. Wouldn't it just be easier if she talked quietly to her in-laws and explained that she isn't a party person? Not everyone is. They would understand.

I think your daughter should make a bit of effort here for the sake of the partnership with her husband. One day is hardly a major hardship! I think that making an excuse of you two going out is just potentially building up a bit of hurt/puzzlement with her inlaws that does not bode well for the future for their relationships! I would tell her you think it is not worth hurting/ upsetting her in laws and that you are going to the lunch at least for the sake of maintaining a friendly relationship with them; she must do what she thinks best; you are looking forward to the seaside visit on Mothers Day!

Hello, rocknroll, welcome if you are new.

I thought this thread was about a bereavement and a daughters Will ... relief

I think it would be very mean and ungracious not to go to an invited birthday meal and sorry to sound harsh but I think it’s unkind of your daughter to try and whisk you away to do someth8ng else
We all have to do things out of our comfort zone and your daughter needs to act as an adult and go even if she doesn’t want to much and you should be encouraging her to go not even think about giving in to her and ‘playing Hookie’ she’s not at school now

I think you have to do what you think is the good thing to do. I get the feeling that you think your DD is not making a very good choice in trying to avoid the family birthday lunch with her in laws. You are her mum and even though she is an adult if you think she is wrong should not then collude with her. Do the right thing.

Hi mawBroon I don’t quite get what you are saying. I would happily go to the lunch with or without my daughter. However daughter wants me to play hooky with her. How do you choose? Do I choose her in laws over her? I think it would be great if they changed the date because she would go with her husband. ( he would reasonably insist). But his stepfather whose birthday it is has invited his family too ( unrelated to ours) (they married in their sixties). I feel a little grateful I am included. Does that clarify at all?

I am not clear about how your daughter’s will comes into this?

It sounds as if it is you that against going?
How would you feel if the situation were reversed? I would feel quite hurt and rejected as you might. Sounds a bit selfish. Whether it is “no big deal” because it is just a local restaurant is immaterial. How would your daughter feel about a family gathering from which she was excluded because her husband was away?
If the two of you are set against going, your daughter will have to face the fall out. “Avoiding” going is a cop out.
Of course a diplomatic way out would be to get SIL to ask his parents to rearrange so that he can be there too.

I know social occasions can be hard for some people but info think on this occasion she should go especially for her husband as well we do morph into each other's families as we marry and I do think she should be trying harder talk to her.

I think your DD should try to be a little more gracious with her in laws. If I was you I would go to the lunch with or without your daughter.