Don't know what to make of this

Have a great birthday. Quite right to lay cards on the table. If you don't want it, don't do it. It's your birthday after all, and you want to be able to enjoy the day.
Have a lovely time.

CrazyH, you're only 65! The weekend it London will be quite enough this time. You have several 'special' birthdays to look forward to, so start planning and saving for a 'do' with friends and neighbours in, say, five years' time.

I would probably have just said I couldn't afford to do the walk in party ...and left it for ACs to come up with idea of paying for it if they felt inclined. But even so, the DILs miffiness seems a bit silly really on the basis of what you did say, tbh

Mine too Cherrytree

crazyh

I hope that you don't think I'm being mean - I don't intend to be. A weekend in London with babies and adults - why? I can't imagine anything worse. London is a great place to be - either as an adult or as a grandparent with the grandchildren, when they are old enough to appreciate the various sights etc etc. But mixing the generations for an expensive weekend? You could well end up baby sitting whilst your children and spouses went out for the evening

When I lived in Suffolk we used to have girls' nights when each person brought a dish or a bottle. The husbands usually went off to the pub. Here in France there is something called an auberge espagnole (don't ask why I don't know) where everyone brings a dish and a bottle (like pot luck) You do need someone to do a little bit of organising or you'll end up with hundreds of sausage rolls. You wouldn't need to spend a lot of money - a few bottles of something sparkling - not necessarily champagne - for a toast shouldn't cost too much.

This should be an occasion for something convivial, with your friends and not something where you should be a gourmet cook. Remember Jeffery Archer? His Christmas parties use to be shepherds' pie and champange.

Finally - happy birthday and I hope it goes well

Sounds ok for the guests Come when you want.
Eat and drink what you want.
Leave when you want.
make sure your gone before time to wash or clear up

Doesn't sound such a good deal for the host or Birthday lady of the house.
In fact it would be my worst nightmare!

I think I would just have left it at saying it's a nice idea but sadly I couldn't afford the expense it would entail.

Do you think they may just have been sending out "feelers" to see if you liked the idea - and would have arranged it/paid for it themselves? Given that you are paying what must be quite a big expense for the weekend in London, they would surely be very insensitive to expect you to pay for something else as well? I think there may be some kind of misunderstanding.

I hope all is sorted out and that you have a really lovely time. It sounds great.

Have a lovely time!

Actually, I would have thought that as it’s your special birthday, it should be the family paying to treat you, not you treating them, but maybe that’s just me? (When it was my Mums special birthday, for example, we, the children, paid for her birthday treat).

It's also about energy for these big events. Why have 2 when you can really only enjoy one at at a time.

I was slightly dreading my big 0 last year but it worked very well.
Firstly I moved the date to include all my DC and DGC and be likely to have better weather! I always wanted a June birthday so I was like the Queen.
Friends and neighbours dropped in but family were the mainstay and we were singing and listening to guitar music well into the night.
People brought wine, ofcourse they did, we made salads and buffet food. There was a barbeque. A baker friend baked a birthday cake.
Wasn't I lucky. It didn't seem expensive.
I did reserve a local hall in case it rained but was able to cancel that and be out in the garden.

Then for my actual birthday, I went to a show followed by a nice meal. Very low key.
I don't think YABU. It's all about you this year!!! They can do their things when it's their turn.

Happy Birthday.
Ps I loved Jayell and her 6yr old Go Ape idea.

Forget the walk-in, just invite everyone to the pub instead, that way they pay for their own drinks and no catering required! Simples.

Marpau, I don't blame you - if I had a partner, I would do the same. Sadly, I'm divorced and single. Never mind, there's always hope ?

Tillybelle, such a lovely reply to my post.
You are a lucky lady to have such lovely daughters. Sorry to hear of your disabilities and the cheating builder. You sound so accepting of your situation, and absolutely no self pity.
Yes Tillybelle, I have always been honest. Sometimes it has got me into trouble, so I now try to think before I say anything, but it doesn't always work.
Happy Mothers Day for tomorrow. My daughter and grand children are coming over later with an Indian take-away. I don't know whether I will see my older son tomorrow, he'll probably be taking his wife and kids out for the day. I will see my younger son and his family tomorrow evening. I see them most Sundays.
Once again,Happy Mothers Day

crazyH. I think you have been honest and I always believe that is best! If you want you could say to your Ss and Dils that you have just realised you might have come across a bit too cheeky as if asking them to pay for the friends and neighbours party, and that you did not mean it that way. You were just saying that the weekend with them is your most precious birthday celebration and you have used up your money on that so there isn't any left for the friends and neighbours one!
I realise how lucky I am although I gain it by being so dreadfully broke so it really is swings and roundabouts! I have a big birthday with a 0 on it coming up. My 3 daughters have arranged for their families to share a holiday home nearish to me and collect me on the day and send me home in a posh car. My disabilities would make it too difficult to stay away with them. It seemed such a brilliant solution, I was so grateful! My last one ten years ago, I was able to stay with my daughter in London and they all turned up. But it was quite hard for me even then. Now I do not like being away from home for long. I have had money problems after falling into the hands of a wicked builder, so can't pay for a party although if I manage to get some of the house problems sorted out, I might - might! - be able to invite 3 of my very kind neighbours to cut a cake with me on the actual day!

I am sure you can sort this out. Just keep the conversation going. Don't be afraid to say you think you've said something rather silly and didn't mean it the way it sounded! I think keeping the family in harmony is always worthwhile, and this is not a particularly bad thing, so do just cheerfully sort it out and say you didn't mean to make them think you were asking them to pay.
Good luck and when it comes have a lovely birthday and enjoy your celebrations!

If your DILs are miffed, then seen from where I am standing, that is entirely unreasonable of them. You have invited your family and paid for an expensive weekend for your birthday, so frankly I think you did the right thing explaining that you cannot afford any more celebrations.

Do they often get miffed? Can you just leave well alone and let them get over it?

Hope you have a lovely weekend with the family. Happy Birthday.

Marpau sounds like how my Mothering Sunday will go

I think you were right to be upfront.

People with a lot of money might see an at home party as cheap. But its not cheap if youre on a budget. It's all relative.

Well Jaye, I'd rather see them all having a nice time together, siblings, in laws, cousins. With families disintegrating for one reason or another (mine almost did in August last year), I'm jumping at the chance while things are running smooth. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

Hate parties too.wow that trip to London must be costing a fortune! I never have paid for my own birthday celebrations.they are very very lucky.

I'd have just said "lovely idea but I can't afford it" and waited to see if they offered to pay. Adding the bit about "but if you're willing to pay for it" could be interpreted as a bit snarky - you know how things in writing don't convey tone.

Thankyou all for your input and good wishes.
Decision made - no walk-in parties. Told the girls . The London weekend will be quite nice and quite enough ....that's it. I have got 3 very close friends - we might just go out for a meal.
Have a lovely weekend.

the only ever open house party we have been to we were asked to bring whatever we wanted to drink, but buffet food was provided.
I did enjoy it, better then the usual party, but then I did not have to do any work. just arrived with my prosecco under my arm.
have to say, I always think it better to be open and honest about these things, then everyone knows where they are.
a weekend in London sounds fantastic to me.

CrazyH. Is it your birthday or their birthday. I’d be blowed if I would spend out lots of money for everyone else to have a p-up on my birthday. I have a big birthday on the horizon and we are going on a ten day cruise. The day after we have seen the family and grandchildren. When I booked the cruise the lady at Fred Olsen suggested I book a month long cruise at a much reduced rate, however I would not want to be away from the grandchildren for as long as a month, ten day will do nicely thank you.

Well phew. I don’t do the big 0 parties... except 80 onwards...made a big effort for my mum then ... then an even bigger effort for her 90th. But you are already paying! Very generous.. can’t imagine why DIL should think you would want drop in party can think of little worse. I suspect that if she has never had money worries she just thought you were rude bringing up the topic. when you suggested the weekend in London didn’t they offer to pay their own expenses? It’s like you are treating them for your birthday rather than them treating you. If they are like mine they think any attention they give me is a treat. I wouldn’t cut out your friends and neighbours just let them know it’s your birthday have some nice things in... cake for example and if any drop by to wish you happy birthday be very pleased to see them. But no actual invites. You’ve done more than enough and I hope they deserve it. Have a very happy birthday.??

It is YOUR day at YOUR expense .If 'others' want extra then let them organise it and pay for it. End of.