Not my husbands priority

I would not think that its too much to ask that he goes to his mothers one morning a week and does little jobs around the house. In fact he sounds like a good sort of guy. I would make more of the time that you do spend together as has been suggested. Go out for lunch when he comes back, have something to look forward to. This does seem to be his way of coping with the fact that the two of you don't get on. He may feel like he is walking on eggshells.

Some good suggestions here, Sunday lunch and if he doesn't turn up then no meal on Sunday. Book a weekend a way is a great idea, we go away for a great many breaks staying at Premium Inn or Travellodge, cheap but really comfortable. If he won't go then could you go on your own, you would probably only have to do it once. Good luck

Do you know if your husband would like to go out on Sundays for the day or afternoon? Maybe he would like to relax in front of the tv and just enjoy being at home with you there too?

If so, do you have friends and/or family that you can go out with on Saturdays so that you can relax together with DH on Sunday afternoons?

Alternatively, you could go to a pub for lunch on Sundays before going back home. As suggested, ask that he spends one Sunday a month or even alternate Sundays at home. Even if they can’t do DIY surely other family members can invite his mum to lunch sometimes. It sounds like she is making up the jobs to get his company. Is there any chance you could visit her with your husband, just occasionally?

It would be a shame if your husband felt torn between the two of you. He sounds like a gem, wish he were my son!

Personally, I would make my own arrangements for the weekends; spa days, shopping trips etc that don't include him. Go with some friends and make your own decisions. Next time he has a weekend off and has to fend for himself maybe he will understand your true worth in your relationship and stop letting his mother monopolise all his waking hours!

If you flip this over, his mother would probably argue that you have her son’s company for six days of the week when he’s not working and have done for 33 years while she only sees him for a few hours on a Sunday morning.

It isn't true that you and he do not spend any time together even if it is only an evening meal, a few exhausted hours in front of the telly and then bed.

His mother is recently widowed so cut her some slack. By the sound of it neither of you give him a break if he has to spend his rare weekends off catching up on jobs in both homes.

It isn’t fun being caught in the middle of two needy people. Why not help him out by doing some of those jobs at home yourself or going over to his mother’s with him to give her a hand? If things have not been good between you and she, now would be the perfect time to bury the hatchet.

My neighbour’s son got drawn into a similar cycle after his father died. He used to say to me how he longed to have some time entirely to himself with neither his wife nor his mother making demands on him. Your husband may feel the same so cut him some slack too.

It's often the other way around and complaints are about him hanging about all day!
Have you retired before him? I'm not sure I quite understand your situation.
I also have an OH who has to be busy and who spends time with his parents without me.
It's not because they dislike me but they like him to do jobs about the house and talk about the old days before I came on the scene
I like it that we have our own interests and are not too dependant on eachother .
As others have said, you need to book time with him.
I hope you succeed.

Could you suggest that he takes one Sunday a month for just the two of you? His mum would still have him there three out of four. I would make him a lovely lunch and a great Sunday dinner because he will still be with you for the major part of the day. Think of places to go in the afternoon that he would enjoy - he clearly works hard but needs reminding to look after you and himself too.

I'd go out for the day if I were you, meet up with a girlfriend and chill,
Definitely let him come home and cook his own meal if that's why his home at lunchtimes?

I agree with the other 2 postings - he feels he has an obligation to go and see his mother every week and maybe he is the DIY go to because his siblings are useless at it? Or maybe his mother just feels better asking him to do the jobs? Personally, I'd rather he cared for his mum than not however she has treated you in the past!
I'd make the most of a nice quiet Sunday morning without him, and get on with jobs you've missed during the week or taking the advantage of the time to sit and read or take up a craft, then perhaps arrange to go out for a meal with your husband when he returns say once a month?
This situation will not go on forever, so also could be another reason why he likes to spend a big chunk of his free time with his mum!

He sounds like the traditional s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d woman!! Trying to keep up with work, domestic responsibilities, looking after elderly relative etc and something has to give and it tends to be the most immediate relationship because you are expected to understand.

What are all these little jobs that require him to be with his mother every weekend? I can understand that there may have been a backlog of little DIY jobs after his step father's death, but surely after six months all these have done.

I think he has got himself on a wheel like a hamster and is so overwhelmed by a need to be seen to be pulling his weight, he can think of nothing else. Could you book a weekend away for the two of you somewhere. He is legally entitled to several weeks annual leave, so to take an extra Saturday or Monday off is within his statutory rights.

You needn't go far and many B&Bs are not expensive.
Just go to your nearest tourist area. 60 miles takes me to the south coast or the Cotswolds, wherever you live somewhere is in reach. A weekend away will break the cycle and hopefully you will have time to talk.

I can't really add much to Starlady's post. You have a caring husband, things may well settle down soon and his Mum will be able to cope more. If it doesn't maybe you need to talk to your husband and his siblings about a Rota of weekend visits. You say he spent the weekend doing jobs at home and for his Mum, he is obviously doing his best to help everyone.

OhIt , FruFru, I'm so sorry. I get that you would like to spend more time with dh, just relaxing together or going out, etc. It may be that he just has a very strong work ethic and thinks that working long hours and doing jobs around the house is his way of showing his love for you. As far as his mom is concerned, he may feel for her, too, especially since his step father died. The fact that his siblings see her every day might make him feel more obligated to give her one day a week. Unless there are other underlying tension between you that might cause him to avoid being with you, I think it's about these other things.

But you say he's home by Sunday afternoon. Have you tried planning something for that time? Tickets for a show or plans with friends? Telling him you want to spend time together and waiting for him to do something about it, clearly, isn't going to work. So you may need to be more proactive. What do you think?