Aggressive husband

Counselling could really help if he recognises there is a problem. I really feel for you - it's awful when you feel uncomfortable with someone you have been in a relationship for s long while. Think about what you want and seek some professional help. Good luck x

Why are you still with him? Get out now before its too late!
Read a book called ''Women Who love Too Much'' then get rid of him!

Do not put up with this under any circumstances. Stop looking after him, look after yourself. Is there anyone you can go and stay with for a while, then go to Citizens Advice Bureau to find out what you can do and your rights with the house etc. Do not put up with bullying or abuse!!!

I have been in this situation but not as bad as yours and also I have advised people through CA. Suggest you get in touch with Women's Aid and talk to them, they are the experts and can point you in the right direction. Have you got a mobile phone or does he control that as well that you could use to ring for help and advice. But what ever you do, you NEED TO GET OUT but first talk to Women Aid and ur GP. Hope this has helped.

Telegran, You are being verbally abused by your husband, don’t let this happen to you any more, I was married 38 years and had to get out of my marriage I was kept at home like you verbally abused and he threw me out of my wheelchair, I went to the local council and they put me in touch with women’s aid, they took me away from where I lived and I stayed with them for 7 months, they helped me get a flat in a sea side town. The day I left I didn’t have time to pack anything I left empty handed, it’s now 8 years later I’m living in a bungalow and I have met a lovely kind man.
Please don’t live the rest of your life like this it’s not good for your anxiety and health. Sending you much love n hugs ? if you need any help let me know you can google women’s refuge telephone number they will help you get yourself a new life.

Hello Telegran I was so sorry to read your post and I actually felt anxiety for you. Please talk to your GP or a councillor, it sounds very much that your husband needs some help if you are to survive as a couple . Take care

I think two carding is the answer !! Agnurse got it completely right!!

Like others, I've been somewhere similar and it took me many years to free myself. Some reasons for taking so long were to do with practical things and children, but much of it was psychological. I almost lost myself and any sense that I could live a separate life on my own - this is what the overbearing and bullying/abusive behaviour can do to your understanding of yourself. So then it is hard to leave, when to anyone else, leaving is obviously the way to go. You have had much good advice here and I won't repeat it - but do want to say, do not be held back by fearful thoughts (for instance, what would my Mum think? or how would I manage?) Take a first step - go to a counsellor, or ask your doctor to help you find a counsellor, or go on your own to Relate - do something to get independent and appropriate support in considering what is happening in your life and what you can do. You do not have to live with what is happening and you are OK - whatever the bully is saying to you. I wish you well.

definitely get help/advice as soon as possible - sounds a horrible situation. The Courts etc. take 'coercive' behaviour far more seriously these days. He sounds very controlling, which must be horribly scary for you. Good luck and hope you get it all sorted very quickly.

Get rid ASAP but get your own finances in order before you start proceedings. You will be happy without this man.
Best of luck.

Go and get professional advice from a solicitor but I don't know how you can as he will want to come with you. Dreadful situation, controlling isolating behavior. Typical of an abuser, a domestic abuser. Have a look on your computer under domestic abuse, the signs etc. Sometimes people don't think its that bad until they get away from them. If you can contact support from a professional organization that assist women of domestic abuse. Talk to them for guidance and a plan for the future. Take care and good on you for reaching out, it takes courage.

I suffered similar and more with my first husband. Forever thinking he “might” change and he never did. Best thing ever was he had an affair and that was my way out - thank goodness for that other woman.

Lots of good advice has been given here. Please put yourself first, keep safe and get out before his awful threats lead to action. Good luck and best wishes for a new life.

Agree with others here. Make a plan and tell no-one as they might tell him.
Does he work so you are on your own sometimes? Then you can leave in his absence.
If he doesn't work, I hope he isn't watching you while you're out.
Similarly, I hope he doesn't know passwords for your mobile phone or computer.
He sounds like a control freak and that is not going to change.
Fortunately it will soon be possible to divorce without giving a reason.
He'll call everyone you know and pretend to be the sorrowful husband so be prepared to have your name blackened but your safety and peace of mind are more important.
Finally, don't worry about your mother. She'll understand when it's all over.

* Telegran* please do as advised by other posters, you are finding it difficult to believe he is a narcissist, because when you see the nice side of hi, even if it is only being nice to other people, its hard to distinguish the good from the bad sides,
I know a narc, and sometimes i think i could be wrong and doubt my own feelings wondering if i am imagining it, they are like Jekyl and Hide
Look up Quora,its a site all about narcissism,and lots of videos on you tube too
My first husband threatened to break my legs if i left him, but i managed to escape to my parents about 400 miles away when he was at work, even though he had taken all my money off me and locked it away
Good luck,

Why should anyone live like this your worth more yes your worth more.
This makes me so sad

Exactly!

I can only agree with what everyone else has said. Before I retired I was a Senior Nurse for Child Protection and I heard about this form of abuse many many times. Emotional abuse is probably the worst form because it’s hidden whereas if your OH hit you there could be visible evidence. You cannot live like this because your health will suffer, if it hasn’t already. Is there anywhere you can go e.g. a family member or close friend? Use one of the contacts other ladies have given you and very importantly clear your searches on computers, laptops, iPad etc.

My husband was abusive to me physically and mentally . This went on for years on and off . Until one day I had enough , he started being aggressive , so I said I was leaving . He then wanted to argue over a torch i was taking because it was dark . He grabbed me , so I hit him over the head with it . Since standing up to him ,he has never touch me again . All the time you are weak and put up with it , they will prey on it . Good luck .

You need to be unavailable go out go for long walks go to a library pick up a short course
Close your legs dont engage in wifely activities ie no sex
Then start to think about what your needs are and what you want.
If you think its health related it might be he has tomake up his mind to seek support if not you have to decide if you can continue this way till you DIE
Your mother has lived her life you need too live yours.
I dont mean to be unpleasant but you do need a sharp wake up call.
Im saying this with some authority Im going through a divorce at the monent 25 years wasted is not a joke
Time waits for no one

It certainly is abuse, and he's making your life miserable. It has gone on so long, and he won't change. I've been in this sort of marriage, and the best thing I did was leave.
You deserve to enjoy life. Good luck.

I'm thinking you've explained the situation has been like this for many years ...... We can hope and pray that things improve but that rarely happens. The reality is that it's now habitual.

My bottom line is that you can change yourself ..... But not your husband unless he accepts he has a problem. The years will otherwise drift by and you'll both be in the same awful predicament.

Be strong, make your decision and act on it. No it's not easy, it's scary, but sounds like a picnic compared to your current circumstances.

He may have always had some type of mental disorder or he's just an habitual bully. First step make double appointment with your GP to help you cope in the interim. You deserve more ......

Take care lovely - being on your own will be scary - but better than the inevitable alternative. Stay safe ?

Thanks buffybee I will ring them I’ve found my local ish one . I’m not ready yet I have to plan he’s very clever at spotting things. I have 2 cats I’m safe don’t worry about me nothing different than the last 18 years I just didn’t see the narcissistic bit thanks I’m ok honestly if I wasn’t I would ring the police but I’m not in danger

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/index.php