Should I move out

I second that Beejo!!!!!

Saggi you're brilliant!

Hello Saggi, You have no way of knowing what my situation is but I will say I actually do know what I am talking about.

I also know that if I lived in a household such as yours I would not confine myself to one room and describe my husband as a loser. It seems that he is certainly not a loser, getting everything he wants and being looked after by an enabling wife who tolerates unacceptable behaviour. It seems really sad Saggi.

I love your solution Saggi lol, lots of good advice as usual for you Vauxhall. Whatever you do, with or without hubby you have to be brave and positive. It's scary changing your life after 20+ years so double checking your reasons and making sure you have tried all options will make it easier on the bad days. Is your husband depressed ? is he missing the intimacy with you ? (I don't mean sex) does he think you don't want him so he might as well please himself ? Was he always like this and since the family have grown up and moved out you suddenly realise you don't like the relationship anyway ? Do you ever go to sporting events together ? would he consider taking up something that gets him out of the house ? fishing ? golf ? cycling ? photography at sporting events ? anything that helps him change his routine that could help you do the same ? I use to escape to the garden when married to my first husband if I couldn't be away from the home for some reason. I loved gardening and my dog was a great way of being out of the house, he never joined me on a walk btw . If you can't move out and you can't continue as you are , something needs to change as you already know. That change must start with you. Good luck and let us know how it works out

Oops!
Dies fee who h Does feed which

Dies your husband ever walk the dogs? If he's glued to the tv every day, I guess not. Do you let them out in the garden and does your husband fee, groom and clean up after them? Again, I'm guessing not.
If you apply to be allocated a 1 bed council house, flat or bungalow, I think you'll be waiting a very long time as you are not homeless and, if you leave you'll be, as they say, intentionally making yourself homeless and they will suggest you look for a private rental.
Private rentals where dogs are permitted are much harder to secure.
Your finances need to be looked at. You'll need a deposit of 6 weeks rent plus the first month in advance and many agents won't take people on benefits.
There are also EA fees who h can be considerable.
Broadband...another outlay you will have to pay out of your own money plus usual utilities and 75% of the council tax bill.
I know a lot of negatives sounds harsh but transitioning into single living can be daunting for some.
If the accomodation is unfurnished, you would need furniture and all the things you now share with your husband...bed, bedding, crockery, pots and pans, chairs and table, curtains etc.

You need to consider it all very carefully. At 59 you would be liable to pay £154 for a tv licence and you'd need to buy a tv in the first place.

Moving out is not going to be an easy job and, as you're not in an abusive relationship, the council will have further reason not to allocate you one of their properties.
The same would apply if it were your husband who left home.
Please consider how you can make life more pleasant where you are.
I wish you luck and a happy future.

Vauxhall58 if you are seriously considering splitting from your husband, contact you Council or Housing Association about moving to a one bed flat or house. Speak to your Rent Officer explaining the situation and the pets. Once you know where you stand with them, speak with CAB about separating, finances etc. Then, once you are holding all the facts, and know your options, speak to your husband. Lay everything out in the open and make your final decision based on his reactions.
Things to consider: are you both on the rental agreement, pensions, benefits, work and family commitments and of course your extended family and pets.
Hopefully you can work things out between you both and reach a satisfactory conclusion. Best wishes for the future.

My husband sits watching sports on TV most of the time too. I love the life I have with him and don't find it boring. I watch what I want on my laptop with my earphones on. I find the setup really cosy. We're retired now and I love the fact that all the pressure of working and bringing up children is over. You could sit together each doing your own thing like we do. We also have several pets and we love them all.

I have to wonder what is wrong with these men not engaging with any social activity or their families with their partners,there must be lots of housebound people who would love the chance of getting out and about and can't through one thing and another.
Saggi how sad for you when your family visits and your OH removes himself to eat his meal,he wouldn't do it in my house as I wouldn't be cooking for him at all,luckily enough my OH enjoys visits from our family and will spend as much time with them as he can.

How old are the dogs? Most dogs' lives are about 12-15 years. It may be that in a couple of years there are only one or two left. In your situation don't replace any that sadly pass away. I have had a number of dogs in my time, and although I was very sad when they died, in the end it was a bit of a relief as there was a lot less work.

If the house has two reception rooms make one of them up as your lounge. Get your own tv, move your favourite chair and other furniture in there, make it your own - or move him in there and make the lounge your own. Get more out of life with or without husband. Join things, volunteer etc (assuming you are not working).
If you do move you could split the dogs - and still visit so that they meet, and/or arrange to meet in the park or wherever you walk them. If you take them all they will miss your husband so whatever you do, they will have to adjust - which they will as long as they still get food and attention and have at least one doggy companion.

There seems to be lots of information missing here which makes it difficult to give any kind of help but I think you have got to tell this man you are on the verge of moving out, in other words without Relate sit down and talk. It must be really boring having him watch TV all day but do you have to watch him, get out and do something, anything, can you make one room in the house yours? have your own TV if you want. During the talk it might be useful to find out if he wants sex, not surprised you don't as things are. If you are determined to go sort everything out beforehand.

The best advice I ever had when I was trying to decide if I should leave or not was this ...

''If you can think of one reason, no matter how small, to stay, then you really don't want to go. If you really wanted to go ... nothing would stop you''

When the time came NOTHING stopped me, I walked away with literally nothing except my future happiness.

Move out... Live your own life...

Vauxhall, I am sorry about your situation. I cannot give advice, only sympathy, and unfortunately so many older men lead lives which revolve around sport, watching, not playing. My neighbour is one, he is 87, and spends all day watching TV sport, while his wife of 81 cooks, cleans, gardens, shops, and does other necessary things. She is busy all day. If I go to visit them he is always moaning about her and how she has a lot of money but won't spend any. (She has stocks and shares, which are doing well.) I hope you can find a way to improve your life.

That applies to you too Pippa. No criticism please, as it may put Grans off telling us about their troubles.

wot
I do wish people would not criticise others for punctuation or spelling or grammar or whatever. Its not fair and its not kind.

As a single person, your council's local housing allowance will be for a 1 bed self contained flat or 1 bed shared, as in HMO, house of multiple occupancy. What you are able to get will obviously depend on what is available in your area. We don't have that many affordable 1 bed self contained flats in my area. I know people over 50 who are in an HMO. But as Jaycee5 says, best to talk to your housing department to see what the situation actually is in your area, because it varies.

Just read your answer Pippa22....you say continual watching tv sport is ‘ no big deal’ ....Easter Sunday and my kids and son in law and grandkids are round for an egg hunt and some fun and Sunday lunch ....my husband eats in his lap rather than sit to table with the family ...cos guess what ...footballs on. And it wasn’t even his team playing. He will watch ants racing grasshoppers rather than be with his family. These men ( and it’s always men) are losers who don’t deserve families. You don’t know WHAT your talking about.

Really sorry you had some unpleasant remarks, but unfortunately there are always some.
I sympathise with you and understand that it's not just about tv that's driven you to consider leaving.
I've had to walk away from a marriage, and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did., because I was dreadfully unhappy.
You could just take 2 of the dogs if you are allowed to when you move to a new address, which would be easier on them all.
You need a plan re accommodation, and perhaps some legal advice. Then you can find lots of wzys to make new friends. All the best. Feel free to private message me if I can help..

Vauxhall 58...my life’s like yours. My husband stopped work at 50 and has sat in a chair and watched 15 hours of tv a day....did you know you can watch football every day if the week....and rugby....and golf ...and tennis...so on. At weekends there are usually two live footie matches on Saturday and if your very lucky three on Super Sunday....then you can watch every league highlight late at night on sat/sun as well. Last week including replays ..live matches...re-runs my old man watch36 hours of sport. We have no life...cos when he’s not watching sport he’s watching mindless quiz shows that even a 10 year old could answer the questions.....that’s the weekday afternoons taken care of with Tenable. , then Tipping Point...then The chase...then dinner, which of course I cook ,as he’s watching Heartbeat ... then news. At 7 he hands the remote to me so I can have 45 of my choice until football starts usually at 7:45 .Get the picture. If you can afford it run,run fast and don’t stop until you’re at least 50 miles away. I can’t afford to run ...he made sure of that. So...I kicked him out of the bedroom...installed a tv.... got a 4ft bed instead of king size....installed a reclining chair and a row of bookcases for my books and stuff and now when I’m not busy with grandkids or fiends I retreat there and have never been more content in 20 years. It’s my space ....told him he could have his wall to wall sport...oh and I charged all my new arrangement costs to his credit card. Sorted.

Vauxhall, actually whatever you decide it has to be you carrying out the actions. Citizens Advice might be worth finding out about or an initial consultation with a solicitor although as you are planning on leaving your husband you might well have done this already. Just noticed that you say not Relate but you can go alone and they are not there to keep you together but will help you to separate if that is the best option. Confide and gain support from friends and family if you are able to talk about it with people you know.

If you are miserable together then could you find a small place to tent alone? I would personally take a dog if you can fond a LL who will let you have a dog. If not you could always go around and take dogs for a walk a few times each week. If I was miserable with husband i would leave. It os never too late to start a fresh. You might be entitled to some of husbands pension too. You would probably be able to get help towards tent and only pay 75% council tax.

Get a second TV.

Life is too short! Can you not talk to your husband and point out that you are unhappy and maybe he feels the same way. Take that big step away and enjoy your life. Besides we are only here once. Take care and sending you love and hugs. x