Film about tackling loneliness with technology

It's a bit of a problem isn't it - the puzzle of language, what words mean, what people say, what others hear - made worse by the written form. Is GN the Good Friday Agreement, Brexit, the Bible, the Koran writ large? Perhaps.

Your example Monica is of face to face communication gone wrong. Having taught adult fitness classes, I have seen only too well what I used to call the 'sheep' syndrome. People often want to be babied, to feel that someone will take responsibility for their lives and make it all better (like mummy may have done).

Your point and the debate over language on GN raises the interesting question in answer to the OP of can technology answer the state of loneliness in people? The answer might appear to be that it's down to the humans behind the technology and if we're talking robots, then who and how they are programmed. We have an Alexa who is programmed to say 'I'm sorry, I don't know that'. Would this be satisfactory to a lonely person sat behind a computer? Would it be more satisfactory than unkind and unpleasant responses dressed up as 'being honest'?

As to a patronising post......not sure if this comment was directed at me or the content of the post from the said website. I was quietly amused by the website, if it was directed at me, well, I'll consider myself part of the club then, since I see plenty of patronising posts on GN. La, la, off to have my coffee now.

notentirelyallthere people bring to understanding words a lifetime of experiences and expectations and most of us have filters over our ears and every word and group of words that we hear comes through these filters.

It is something I am very conscious of because there have been two people in my family whose filters are so so dense that no matter how simple the phrase you say to them, they can completely misinterpret it because their immediate response in one case was to assume, based on a hard childhood, that anything said to them was likely to be negative and critical and in the other case someone whose instinct is always to think 'that's what someone said to me but what did they really mean' and then respond to what they decided the person really meant.

Classic example of the first person. They sustained a lot of damage to their shoulder in an accident and were given exercises to do to help recovery, which they did. When they saw the consultant (I was with them) he said 'I cannot guarantee a full recovery but keep doing the exercises and you should get most of the way there.' The patient never did another exercise and ended up with a useless arm because, according to him the consultant said 'I was not going to get any better even if I did the exercises'. Nothing I said could convince him otherwise.

Sorry notentirely but I think that’s a load of patronising rubbish and I object in particular to being told to tell ‘white lies’.
‘White’ lies are the same as any other lies - they’re lies.
In any case, interacting with people you don’t know on an online forum is quite different from talking to people in real life. Tact is not a pre-requisite for posting and that hackneyed phrase about heat and kitchens springs to mind.

The onus is just as much on the person reading the comment not to interpret it in the most unfavourable way, as it is on the person making the comment not to be deliberately hurtful.

GN has forum guidelines for etiquette and I think they are quite sufficient. Some members would say they are applied in far too draconian a manner.

Well I think this is more than 'some people being straightforward and others interpreting what has been said as a snippy putdown'. Yes, there is room for interpretation but it's like the use of humour, i.e. it's double sided and something offensive can be said and then covered up with 'oh, can't you take a joke?!'

I was thinking about this and idly Googling and I came across a site teaching English to foreigners which had a very useful analysis of how to be tactful:

"When you speak English, it’s important to say what you mean and express yourself clearly. There are times, however, when telling the complete truth might offend someone.

Being tactful in English is not about lying, it’s about expressing yourself in a way that won’t upset the person you are talking to. There are several ways you can be tactful in English.

Find something positive to say
Or sometimes, it’s just best to avoid a topic.

Sympathise
When you need to talk about a difficult or potentially upsetting topic with someone, think about how they will feel and adjust your speech accordingly. Use expressions like ‘sorry’ or ‘I understand how you feel’ to let the person you are speaking know that you realise this is a difficult situation for him or her.

Offer advice
If someone is upset and you are able to help them, sometimes it’s a good idea to offer advice.

Tell a white lie
There are some times when we just have to lie to avoid hurting a person’s feelings. A lie like this that we tell to prevent a person being hurt rather than for our own personal gain is called a ‘white lie’.

So now you know how to be tactful in English, you never need to be worried about speaking in a difficult or awkward situation again.

Simple?

Please do not worry about me I am quite untroubled about having my posts ignored, it was really a response to the person who found having posts totally ignored disqueting.

It is something that happens to all of us. With so many people posting on so many subjects, the majority will go uncommented on, but as you say Lily (and thank you for the compliment -at least I think it was a compliment!) the fact that no one comments on it doesn't mean that it hasn't been read and appreciated.

The other point is that some people are more sensitive than others and posts can be misunderstood and one person's perfectly straight forward comment can be interpreted by another person as a snippy put down.

Lara I think members of GN should boycott this invitation. To even begin to think of using machines and technology to provide solutions to loneliness means that the people behind this film do not understand the problem.

Technology can indeed help people live at home longer than would previously have been possible and make some tasks easier to do, or make them more personalised, but loneliness itself can only be resolve by human contact and the sooner those in charge realise that and start to find ways to enable lonely elderly and disabled people to meet each other and have that human contact the better.

Monica, I always read your posts and mostly go and have a little think about them.

there are times when I wonder why I posted because my responses are ignored, but why should I expect a response?

MOnica just because your post hasn’t elicited any responses doesn’t mean that it’s been ignored.
It’s just as possible, indeed far more likely, that people will have read it and learned something, but just felt they couldn’t add anything to the discussion.

I used to feel bad if I’d apparently ended a thread. Now I feel a smug satisfaction that I’ve had the last word

GN members are a cross section of society. Some are a bit snippy, some are kindness personified. The only time I see people all busy talking to friends is on political threads, and that is mainly because most people avoid them.

Having a post ignored is part and parcel of life. I do get responses to some of my emails, but there are times when I wonder why I posted because my responses are ignored, but why should I expect a response? With so many people posting on so many threads. and most of us dipping in and out over a day it is not surprising that most posts do not get a direct response.

On the topic of the thread, the solution to loneliness is people meeting people not machines.

If the answer to loneliness is machines why do we not just stack people up in pods in buildings like Amazon warehouses, with various machines whizzing around tending to their needs like plants in a greenhouses, whisking the dead ones away and replacing them with live pod occupiers. piped music and voices to simulate living with people.

What more could anyone want?

Well, I have no idea who this clique of ‘snipers’ consists of.
I agree with mumofmadboys that most people on GN are kind and supportive.

True Absent, my grandchildren moved away last year , I so miss their hugs

After my father died at the relatively early age of 68, my mother pointed out that I was the only person in the world who hugged her and kissed her until her granddaughter was born. Loneliness is not just chit-chat but also physical contact.

There are Scots and Welsh posters ?

I totally agree. There was a post this am and my first response in my head was "dear God do you not have a brain". I was kind and gave practical advice, it would have been so easy to rip her apart. Every other response was also kind.

I live in London but I am not a southerner- I was born and brought up in Scotland.

notentirelyallhere I agree with what you say about unkind comments (although living in the south I can't agree with your comments about southerners!!). I too have noticed there are a few GNs who post hurtful and sometimes downright cruel comments and justify it by saying they are being "honest". No-one wants GNs to only talk about knitting, unicorns and fluffy bunnies, but it is possible to offer advice or have a discussion without some of the comments we read here.

BradfordLass you are a breath of fresh air! I'd noticed how sane and straightforward you were in posts of yours. I'd wondered if it was a northern thing and whether 'the nasty people' were all southerners, the south of the UK being in general a place of crowding, competition and don't speak to the neighbours types! I'll probably get it in the neck now and start a regional war of words!!

I always think that life is struggle enough for most without making things worse by being unkind. No one wants to be told what to do, they want someone to listen! And words on the page hurt more than things said. Anyway, I second what you said and I'm glad that there are many kindly folk on GN too.

notentirelyallhere Yes, it's sad isn't it but I am learning there are, mercifully, only a handful of nasty types.

As soon as I see certain names at the top of the posts I know it's going to be sniping, blaming, negative and often downright nasty.

If anyone dares to come back and say this is unkind or unsympathetic, one of their cronies will leap to their defence with justifications.

I know GN is advertised as 'non-judgmental' but the posters certainly aren't.

It's sad really, but as we get older, we do lose personal power and relevance, so maybe GN is their only outlet?

mumofmadboys Yes, in the main they are but even if there are 100 positive, helpful comments, it's the one or two nasty ones which hurt and no lonely or troubled person asking for help or advice deserves to be hurt even further.
This is why the small clique of snipers are so sad. Why would anyone want to make a person's problems worse by being nasty?

If you can't say anything nice/positive, don't post at all. You may have a right to your opinion but you have no right to hurt or humiliate people, especially in public.

Although Gransnet is not a substitute for real human contact, I think it can help some lonely people. Perhaps better than nothing and some people seem to like to take advice from other Gransnetters.

Not everyone will agree but I think joining in the games adds a bit of fun to life. I realise some people detest the games on Gransnet.

Yes,notentirely. Indeed

I like your idea about the robot Bradford Lass and I do agree about the unkind people on GN, the ones who always have to be right and then turn nasty, sometimes breathtakingly so.

It's interesting when you get a thread like the current one on bereavement and you see loads of usernames you've never come across before.

Although the idea of a clique is strenuously denied, there is definitely a set of people who post a lot and who talk to each other to the exclusion of others. This increases the sense of loneliness. The other day I saw a poster request that someone say that they'd seen her post because no one ever responded to her.

Kindness has disappeared from English society. Gransnet is a lively and mostly helpful forum but how much it counters loneliness is debatable.

Gransnet is a help for people who are lonely and in the main ,posters are kind and well intentioned.

Nope, Gransnet doesn't cure loneliness. I've seen people come here desperate for help and virtual companionship and whilst the majority of responses are kind - there are always a few people who put the boot in and it's those few who cause the pain. Many lonely people can't cope with extra pain, so they leave.

I'm waiting for Artificial Intelligence to advance enough so I can have a robot companion.

Think of all the wonderful subjects we could discuss? The robot would be much more intelligent than this life form, so I'd learn heaps. What bliss.
Who could be lonely with an AI robot in the room?

And unlike companions in real life it would never be bad tempered, bitchy, critical for the sake of wielding a bit of petty power, or seek to put me down because I don't share its opinions.

I doubt I'll see it in my lifetime although the science is coming on in leaps and bounds, so you never know.

Cutting down bus services is not going to allow us to get to local shops and we cannot all get on our bikes or walk as the mayor of London thinks.

He also wants to remove buses from Oxford Street, I will no longer be able to travel there because I need to use a bus to get me from one end to the other or even half way,.

I think these ideas will encourage isolation at home.

I am thankful I have GransNet, my only contact with the outside world is two hours every ten dsys is my younger granddaughter who calls for two hours, isolation causes much loneliness.