Mega grumpy husband

kiki. I do hope things will improve for you soon, and as others have suggested, you are going to have to get out of the house, join things such as your nearest church for starters. I am not a chuchgoer myself these days, but when I first moved here with my teenage children we knew no-one, but there was an invitation from a local priest to attend his church and this was pardon the pun, a Godsend as we soon got to know loads of people.
As far as your DH's painful wrists are concerned, this sound just like CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME, as someone has previously stated. You could check this out. Lots of love, ❤

Well we all see things differently don't we... c'est la vie..

No flame stoking going on - merely a challenge to the less constructive comments directed at someone who is obviously struggling in a very difficult relationship and fearful of the fallout if she were leave.

Some people prefer perspectives on reality while others prefer stroking. It's impossible to know without access to body language which style would be the more helpful or comforting .

I give up.

I saw no venom, frankness, perhaps and a pertinent question or two, along with some very reasonable suggestions.
I fear those who are seeing toxin and venom are stoking the flames - to mix my metaphors.

I think that some of the responses on here have been really toxic and bitter
...it's heartbreaking and soul destroying to live with someone who is grumpy,nasty, detached..yes everyone is entitled to reply...give an opinion..but you aren't in the shoes of the poster..so hold the venom...

Absolutely - there’s all types of opinions on here drawn from a range of experiences, and the vast majority of them have been hugely positive and constructive. It’s wonderful, don’t you think, when women come together to support each other through difficult times with as much kindness and support as possible.

It's interesting how the context of an utterance can alter the meaning

Oh for heavens sake-these are all our opinions.
We all come with different degrees and types of life experienc and our opinions are going to be as varied as our experiences.

You’re absolutely correct - no reputable source was used in the formation of your opinion.

SirChenjin, everything I opine on gransnet is unverified and impressionistic unless I name a reputable source which I did not in this case.

Indeed.

I agree with Alexa.

That’s just your opinion Alexa - that doesn’t make it true.

Anja's response no doubt felt cruel but it's true.

Kiki, if you are short of money, perhaps contact your family and ask if they would help you financially to go for a visit? It would do you both good. Also, lots of hobbies don't cost the earth. Good luck from another wife of a mega grumpy husband x

I missed a bit out of that post. Never mind. The idea is there. ie see it from the other person's point of view.

Oh for heaven's sake! No one "scolded" the OP! That's ridiculous.

What would be the point in that?When you post on a forum surely you are looking for honest answers. Or does everyone really just want a pat on the head and a "there there dear. You are, of course, in the right"?

Perhaps it just might be a good idea to encourage the complainer to think about their situation again, in a slightly new light.

Visit family, some time for yourself will be so good for you. A good way to get a new perspective as feeling worn down is relentless at times.
Take care Kiki2 ?

Now just a minute.
Would those who are claiming unkind or intolerant responses care to quote what they are criticising?
There have been some practical alternatives suggested as an option to try before plunging into divorce,since, as OP has indicated, she is unsure how she would stand financially.
Perhaps I have missed anything else, but if an opinion or advice is requested it is not unfair if these cover a wide range.

kiki2 I'm sorry you didn't initially get the support you deserved, the old saying is a good one "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" - I don't understand what compels someone to feel the need to respond in such a way that is certain to cause hurt. You reached out to us all on Gransnet and didn't deserve to be 'scolded' by doing so! These are for you x

I think it's quite worrying that the OP says her DH is "not ageing well". We can't help how we age, and we certainly don't know how it will be before it happens.

The more I read the OP the sorrier I feel for the husband. I think perhaps there comes a point in later life when we can't always be nice to order. I think the age gap has a lot to do with this. No one can understand this ageing business until you are living it.

That sounds awful OP and you should not have to put up with any of that behaviour. I echo what the majority have said (and I’d completely ignore the tiny minority) and focus on yourself - find hobbies and interests outside the home that make you feel good about yourself and if possible visit your family abroad to give yourself some breathing space. Then you can decide whether you want to live the rest of your days with this man or whether you’d be happier on your own. You would find a way to make a separation work financially and your children would come to accept the new normal (if that’s what you decide to do). Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Ah, but they do, and they hurt a lot more and a lot longer than sticks and stones. I still suffer from nasty comments made about me many years ago.
If you can't say anything nice, just shut uppa da mouth!

How sad that you are stuck with not feeling able to speak your mind. Perhaps a visit to your family will give you both the space that sounds like it’s needed. It’s ok to tell the one you love that you are worried about them and how it makes you feel when they are unkind. Find some things to do , build up your confidence and get some leaflets on arthritis leave them out for your husband. Ageing gracefully doesn’t happen to us all. Wishing you all the best