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Adopting a Grandparent

(4 Posts)
Praying4Grandma Fri 10-May-19 13:43:08

My family and I are just beginning our search to "adopt" a grandparent or grandparents for our children. His parents are not very imvolved with our children and my parents have passed away. I would also hope that the person or people we bond with, would like a relationship with us as well (I have sorely missed having that motherly relationship in my life).

My question are:

1. We are located in the US and, because we would like to spend time with our adopted family, would be looking for someone closeby. Does GransNet have members all over the world, or only in the UK?

2. Is this a terrible idea? Obviously, we would want to run a background check to ensure the safety of our children and there certainly wouldn't be alone time until a relationship was well-established if at all. I just have to believe that there are lots of lovely, safe, and healthy people out there who are also wishing they had children and grandchildren to spend time with...even if the relationship is built somewhat unconventionally. I'm of the mindset, that you have relatives and family. Relatives are people who you are legally related to either through marriage or blood, but they may not be the people who love you best. Family are the people who stand by you no matter what and love you through all things. Sometimes your family are also your relatives, but sometimes they are people that God puts in your life when you need each other the most.

Thank you for reading and I welcome any thoughts you wpuld be willing to share.

agnurse Fri 10-May-19 15:39:11

I think this is a wonderful idea. My parents are "adopted grandparents" to a family from their church who don't have relatives living nearby.

You might see if there is a lovely, lonely older person or older couple in your community. Good places to look could include the local seniors' center, other community organizations, or a house of worship if you attend one.

Tedber Fri 10-May-19 16:28:17

Hi prayingforGrandma I would just add a bit of caution and to be careful what you pray for?

How can you advertise for someone to come into your life and love you all? Either it happens naturally (gradually by knowing the people) or they are the actual grandparents!

Running background checks makes it sound like a kind of 'business'?

Also; are YOU prepared to take on the responsibility of elderly people yourself? Because as lovely a notion it is, you may just find you become 'carers' and just because people have excellent track records doesn't mean they won't be a pain in the A** smile

Sorry but I love your intentions...I would not be too hasty to follow them through. Just get to know people first either from church or other means and see where it leads

grannyticktock Fri 10-May-19 18:01:17

Do bear in mind that family relationships are reciprocal, and can entail considerable commitment. I dare say you'd be happy enough to drop in and visit your adopted grandparent, but in real families the older relatives can eventually become frail or sick and need a lot of care and attention from their offspring. If this isn't something you'd see yourself taking on, you'd need to make this clear, to avoid misunderstandings.

It would perhaps be easier and more natural to cultivate a friendship with someone - a neighbour, a church contact - and invite them to your home to see how it goes. Having fun days out and leisure time together could work well, but the real commitment that families offer each other is another matter.