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How can I help young neighbour?

(12 Posts)
Orangedog Thu 16-May-19 10:33:22

My young neighbour's partner has split up with her and moved out all in the space of 12 hours, leaving her and her daughter (not his, from previous relationship) quite distraught. The little girl is 3 and has got it into her head that he has left because he no longer "wants her" or "loves her", despite us telling her its just that he doesn't want to be with mummy anymore.

He kept borrowing money from my neighbour despite her not working as she is studying at university and I think it reached breaking point and she said no to him asking, so he left.

Neighbour is in her early 20s and it's thrown her for quite a loop, she didn't expect to break up and has exams shortly. She's also a bit panicked that she has to see him again as he has left a few important things that he wants back in the house.

I don't know what I can do to help, her parents live quite far away and she doesn't seem to have many friends as she isn't very social with people her own age and prefers to pop round ours and a few other neighbours' when she needs a chat.
I'm actually very concerned about her, she seems to be a bit vulnerable.

What can I do, if anything, to help her and her daughter?

midgey Thu 16-May-19 10:42:19

Most importantly I think you can just be there! It must be a relief to at least have a supportive neighbour.

EllanVannin Thu 16-May-19 10:44:41

At this early stage nothing you say or do will have much of an impact if any as the young girl's head will be all over the place. If you're in any position at all to perhaps have the youngster for the odd hour or two until her mother sorts her head/thoughts out then you could try offering your help in that way ?

Oldandverygrey Thu 16-May-19 10:46:51

Orangedog - I am in a similar situation to yourself, two children under a year old in this case. I offer to shop, iron and do anything I can to make my neighbour's life easier.

eazybee Thu 16-May-19 10:51:22

Be available, to listen but not to pass judgement.
Offer to have her small daughter if she has exams looming, or babysit and make a quiet space available in your house for her to revise.
Offer to 'be about', ie in the garden when he comes to collect his things so she knows someone is within calling distance if necessary.
Check she is OK each day as unobtrusively as possible.
Kind of you.

Starlady Thu 16-May-19 11:04:06

Orangedog, what a kind neighbor you are! You, too, Oldandverygrey!

So sorry for what these young women are going through! And to disrupt someone's life just before exams, how cruel!

I think you've been given excellent advice, Orangedog. Can't add anymore, except if everyone keeps telling the child it's not her fault, eventually, she'll probably come to believe it. And, of course, be as kind to her as possible, and praise her whenever possible to build her confidence.

Doodle Thu 16-May-19 11:28:36

You sound such a kind person. What about offering to put ‘his’ possessions in your garage or shed so he doesn’t have to go into her house to get them. As others have said, offer to babysit her daughter but mostly I think just continue to be you as you sound so kind and thoughtful I am sure she will be comforted by having you to talk to.

vissos Thu 16-May-19 12:08:28

Could you have the child, or take her out so she doesn't see the partner come & go again? If that's a good idea (non-parent here).

NanaandGrampy Thu 16-May-19 12:13:43

I really like Doodles idea of relocating his possessions then she wont have to face him.

Other than that , just being kind and supportive is perfect. Perhaps offer to have the little one whilst she gets some study in and reassure both of them they have someone who cares.

Good luck,

sodapop Thu 16-May-19 12:15:07

I think the fact that you care about them both must already be helping Orangedog
Some other good ideas on here, help with baby sitting whilst Mum studies, have them over for a meal. Don't overdo it though as your neighbour needs to remain independent.
She is lucky to have such a caring neighbour/friend.

Sara65 Thu 16-May-19 12:50:07

You sound like you’re doing plenty already, I’d have loved to have had a neighbor like you, when I was young .

Just knowing there’s someone there she can rely on, must be such a comfort to her

DillytheGardener Thu 16-May-19 17:44:53

I agree, what a nice neighbour you are. When I was a mum, I was overwhelmed just with my husband away all day at work. this poor young lass has no support or respite and obviously trying to educate herself and better her and her daughters lot. I’d offer baby sitting, even if it’s in their home and you watch telly and play games with baby, and batch cook some food. A simple Thai chicken curry maybe that reheats well? Spaghetti sauce? The guy sounds like a right so and so. Maybe sit on the porch like an old cowboy and threaten him off with your rifle (garden hose) if he returns?