Adult Children

I have 2 daughters----chalk and cheese !
One ( Mrs Bucket ) lives in Oz and the other ( Daisy, of Daisy and Onslow ) who lives quite near but I rarely see her because of work commitments.
Both will be together when the Oz one visits next month.
Reminds me of the film " Pat and Margaret ", so should be interesting ! Can't believe that two sisters can be so different.
KatyK I can relate between your daughter and the one who lives near me too in that she's a hard worker and who has had problems which unfortunately are on-going and she can be quite " deep " about them which at times when I do see her doesn't make for a comfortable conversation when she won't open up, but I've learned not to delve too deeply.

However, both are likeable characters in their own way and I'd miss them deeply if they weren't in my life.

We only have one child, our daughter. She is hard working, a great mother, and, despite some problems of her own, has made a good life for her family. The only downside for me is that we rarely do anything together and she doesn't seem remotely interested in our lives. I assumed that having a daughter, we would be close. Never mind.

I have to be careful not to idolise mine.

I have a DD, but also three step-DDs, acquired when all were adult. It took me some time to learn to love the steps, though I liked them from first meeting. I see one very often, because she lives closest and we help with childcare regularly, and she now feels almost like a daughter. But only almost.

I wonder if the tension around deciding if we 'love' or 'like' our ACs isn't caused partly by the term itself? Our expectations of unknown As are very different from those of unknown Cs. But our feelings for and expectations of our own ACs are mixed; perhaps we can never experience them fully as adults because they were once our children. I love my DD, though she sometimes annoys me - generally because she disagrees with me!

What would be a less emotionally-charged term? 'Offspring' perhaps? We can't use the biblical term 'issue', because that word has changed its meaning to be synonymous with 'problem'. Or perhaps that makes it ideal?

I love my AC dearly. I consider my daughter my best friend. I think if I spent a lot of time with my son we wouldn’t get along too well, we are far too alike! But I like him and he is a very hard working, loyal husband.

It’s not dysfunctional Buffybee
I love and like all my children very much, but they are not perfect, and sometimes you do have to tread carefully, so as not to rock the boat.
You’re very fortunate if you never have to do that

LoveOc, have you thought of suggesting that DS and DIL go to Relate? If not, the next time he complains about DIL, perhaps it would be a good idea to say, "We hear you, and we're sorry we don't have the answer. Perhaps going to Relate would help?" Even if he says, "No,' maybe he'll think about it.

and one or two insults!

Yes! From you showergel to anyone who did not answer in a negative way about their Ac.
Not all of us have dysfunctional relationships with out families.
Hard as that is for you to believe!

No Chew no irony at all- just a statement of fact. Damn nasty of the OP to basically accuse those of us who like and love our dc of lying. And you’ve joined in the nastiness - well done. Bless.

And some lovely helpful posts and one or two insults!

?

Don’t worry gone girl - it was someone else earlier on in the thread who said FFS and I had to google it to see what it stood for.

Anyway we have a good mix on here - some perfect AC some not so perfect and lots in between as is to be expected really- the law of averages!

So there we are.

* showergelfresh * what are you talking about? Of course my children have their faults but I know them well enough to understand where these faults come from. No one is perfect. I'm not and of course they are not. But I still like them.

If the "FFS" thing is aimed at me, I vaguely remember using that term fairly recently on GN, but can't for the life of me remember where. Sorry if it upset you.

I love all of my children equally. Most of the time I like them but they do make me very cross sometimes. None of them are bad people.

showergel your posts are really bloody nasty aren’t they?

Oh the irony!

My sons are 37 and 35, and I like them as well as love them.

Son no. 1 is kind, sensitive, caring, polite, and a brilliant father. He's very much a home bird.

Son no. 2 is funny, generous, ambitious, confident, well-mannered and thoughtful.

Both sons live 1/2 a mile away from me, and 1/2 a mile from each other too. They have got completely different lives (one has children, the other son is single, never wanted children). I am immensly proud of them both.

I never get fed up treading carefully cos I don't ever feel the need to tread carefully. My eldest son and I have quite an argumentative relationship. We both tend to say what we think and end up arguing but arguing doesn't bother us. We don't fall out although we might not contact each other for a few days but that's as bad as it gets. We're very alike and not necessarily in a good way. I never argue with my younger son and never feel the need to either.

showergel your posts are really bloody nasty aren’t they? No wonder you have problems with relationships with you dc. Fortunately some of us are much more emotionally intelligent and mature,

Well showergelfresh, I was about to write a short post on your thread about my lovely daughter, but it may have sounded 'suspicious' to you. So I won't bother, to save you the bother.

What - all the time Gonegirl?
Do I believe all is so hunky dory for you? No!
Never the less I'm pleased for you if that is so.

Had to look up the meaning of FFS! Oh dear. Not good at all.
Maybe not all is as fab as the poster tried to have us all think as angry folk tend to have trouble at large.

I think pretty much as kittylester wisely said - that her AC have traits she likes and those she doesn't like and they probably think the same about her.

I love that - very balanced which is what I shall try to adopt. Thank you for the voices of reason many of you have shown.

I have learned much from you all.

I love all three of mine dearly, and of course I like them. I love and like my grandsons too.

I agree, when I read some of the heartbreaking stories, I consider myself very fortunate

I love my children but don't always agree with what they do and their life styles. Small potatoes really as they are both caring adults who are doing their best under trying circumstances. I count my blessings after reading the problems encountered by other
Gransnetters. They don't hold back when they think I've done something wrong, tables turned.

Oh, Lemongrove, it’s probably best we don’t know!

showergelfresh an interesting question!
We all love our AC, but liking is sometimes a bit harder.
Lots of honest posts on here though ( refreshing).
The tiptoeing around AC is at times very wearing and most of seem to have to do it.
The one thing we will never know is what our AC say about us to each other or their spouses, even when we think everything is hunky dory.

I love all my children. They all have character traits that I like and some I dont. I expect I have too.

Their political views leave a lot to be desired but we did bring g them up to think for themselves.