Selfish partner

I really think some people just do not think (male and female). In this case, he feels hungry,goes to the fridge, helps himself to what is at the front of the fridge and eats it. He probably doesn't even notice what it is or the brand or anything else.

At least that is my experience. I suggest you put anything you want for something special at the back of the fridge. My experience 'looking' never goes further than what can be seen on opening a cupboard, or tell him specifically what he is not to eat and why. Then if he does eat it you really will have cause for complaint

I've sent a PM seasider.

My husband would never take food from the fridge without making sure it wasn’t needed for our tea that night. He’s even phoned me to ask if the ‘pork pie is going begging’ as we call it. Obviously ordinary stuff like choccy biscuits ...leftovers....salad stuff doesn’t need inquiry....but anything he’s not sure if he will always ask. It’s how you’re brought up I think, both his mum and mine had ‘charge’ of the food in the house...money was tight and self restraint a must!

This is my first post since I joined but I felt so much empathy with seasider's post that I was inspired! The behaviour she describes is exactly that of my husband. I'll never forget him saying when we first met (after weeks of telling me how he didn't like baked beans), when I put beans on his breakfast one day, I put most on my plate so as not to waste them. He looked at the two plates and said, 'I see you've got the lion's share of the beans!' A bell rang in my head but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Since then, it's carried on in the same vein - I once bought two family size pork pies from a renowned shop. We ate one for tea (shared between 6) and put the other one in the fridge. When we got up next morning my daughter asked where the pie was. It had vanished and eventually he admitted that he'd got up in the middle of the night and scoffed down the lot. It made him very sick though. When he pours wine, he always overpours into his glass and has been known to pour both glasses back into the bottle if I mention what he's done, and storm off into the kitchen, open and drink a whole different bottle. He grew up with two brothers - the middle one is okay but the third one is even worse than my husband. Btw, he was born after the war but tells people stories suggesting he was part of it. He even takes my experiences and retells them as if they happened to him which can be totally irritating. I often wonder if I should have left him but he's a good man in lots of other ways. I always put his odd behaviour down to insecurity and anxiety and, being quite a lot younger than him, make lots of jokes about his poor memory etc: I also give him a big portion of meat, fish etc; to keep him quiet. This generally works but there have been some dreadful arguments over the years as he says I'm mad and imagining things if I question what he's done. I'm beginning to wonder about the autistic spectrum now after reading your posts but thanks for sharing and making me realise it's not just me.

If he was mine, he wouldnt do it again!

Had you communicated to him what your plans were for the sausages? My DH goes off piste if I don't tell him what he's supposed to eat and what he's supposed to leave alone. Sorry - I am a sexist - but never assume a man has common sense, is my motto. Life runs more smoothly when they have clear explanations.

I can understand how annoyed you must have been because at one time my DH used to himself to food wuth no thought as to whether it may be needed for dinner etc. But my friend has a partner who gives no thought to anyone else and eats whatever he sees. She made a sponge cake and cut a quarter of it to take to a friend and when she returned he had scoffed the rest. One day she asked if there was any cheese in the fridge as she thought she would make a cheese omelette for her dinner and he replied there was. Come time to make the omelette there wasnt any cheese because despite him knowing she wanted it for later he had eaten it anyway. I would come down heavily on your partner and say he needs to ask first and not just help himself to what he fancies.

I don’t think my ex would have gone as far as to eat most of a pack of Posh dogs but when the children were small I had set out the goody bag contents on the morning of a party, including a KitKat each and he walked by and took and ate one of them. He thought I was unreasonable to be annoyed.

Seasider do some reading up on high functioning autism
As like others, I know someone very like that.They have been married a long time, and he has a very forgiving wife ( I do tell her not to be a doormat though) she says she has found a way to make things work.He is highly intelligent and often doesn’t see that his behaviour is not normal.
If you understand somebody, you can make it work, however annoying you find his ways.Good luck.?

So he thinks they were a waste of money but is happy to eat the posh ones at your expense. Hmmm!! I would be really annoyed if my dh took food that I had planned for dinner without asking me first if it was ok. My dh gets away with an awful lot but that is one thing he doesn't.

BTW DH is occasionally getting a bit forgetful and leaving the loo seat up. Rushing in there in a hurry, I nearly fell down the bowl. I had no hesitation in pointing this out!

Thoughtless and selfish are kind of the same thing, the only person you arec onsidering is yourself. If he was allowed to sit upstairs whilst his sisters did all the work as a child, then he has been brought up as a little prince to think he is the most important. If you managed to keep this in check for the first part of your marriage, then perhaps you have relaxed and need to reassert yourself!

Communication is vital, don't seethe with resentment. Tell him you were saving those posh dogs, and now he has made life difficult for everyone. If there is something you don't want him to eat, then tell him 'Leave that alone, it is for later, you can have .... if you are hungry'. Take the upper hand, you can do it!

Did you have any of "his" sausages in...or is it the M n S ones were the only ones in and he just fancied a sausage.

Its a bit like my dad he doesn't like Brandy(apparently) but if he has run out of Whisky..he will try and con my mum into letting him have some of "her" special Brandy! But mum hides it lol.

Your description of his attitude and behaviour sounds like a very good friend of mine, a man who 'knows it all', will even argue with experts on a subject he knows nothing about!

He has all the same traits as your man, including utter selfishness, and is definitely high functioning Aspergers.

How his wife has put up with him for 26 years I will never know. One evening with him makes me want to promises never again.

Oh to have only had this to worry about in my marriage

In other words, the only way to prevent things like this is to write copious post it notes, spelling everything out.

I'm not sure it was deliberate. Men just don't think like that.

My DH eats much more bread than me and tells me (sometimes) when we're getting low on bread. But if he goes to the shops he never thinks to buy any.

I cooked a double amount of rice the other day because I was intending to make a rice salad with the other half the next day. I then had to go out to choir practice and told him where dinner was, not imagining that he'd eat all the rice. He did, though, although he said it was "rather a lot"

Part of me is getting a kick out of the fact that he got carried away with the M & S dogs that he says are such a "waste of money." But, mostly, I get how disappointing this was for you. Love Elegran's solution though!

Or maybe next tie, separate the packs and put someone's name on each. I imagine it will be harder for him to take someone else' dog if their name is literally on their pack.

"in recent times" - so he hasn't always been like that, then? I noticed a change in my husband months before he had a major stroke nearly four years ago. I know he finds his present situation hard, and I get the brunt of it.

If your DP likes cheap sausages, get him plenty and keep the posh ones for those who appreciate them.

Well you know what MN would say. I agree

I think it's just selfish behaviour. Have you discussed it with him or would it end up in a row?

Do you know Lemongrass in recent times I have wondered if he may be on the autistic spectrum . He is selfish , a tiny bit eccentric and inclined to be arrogant. He is also stuck.in the 50s 're women's work in the home. He got a shock when he met me !

Is he eccentric Seasider ( or just on the selfish side, or even on the autistic spectrum?)
Has he always been like this?

Unfortunately it's quite common. He will take what he wants with no regard for others . It's quite embarrassing when we are out with friends and he polishes off the majority of a bottle of wine. I used to think as one of four children he might have had to fight for his share but they were well off and lived in a chip shop! Apparently he sat upstairs like the little Prince while his sisters had to help.in the shop!

Crossed post with Elegran good advice.