Is it me?

dont feel you have to blame yourself for poor relationships, it takes two to build one

Deel1012 ye i understand what you mean, i think we blame ourselves because we are maybe such bad judges of character, and pick the wrong kind of men,
I have had a few long term relationships and almost got married again, but realised in time that he was a control freak,told me i didnt need my family now as i had got him, wanted my 16 year olds to get a flat, of course i said no absolutely not, and didnt want my daughter who lived away at the time to visit,
It actually all came to a head when he said he didn;t like my cat and to get rid of her, he actually said "its me or the cat", the cat won of course

Dee1012 - you have a brilliant son who would not be the man he is now without your fantastic mothering, that is a good relationship. Men are very nice and fun sometimes, but not essential to having a good life.

Two failed marriages and one long term relationship all gone yes I think where did I go wrong I started out with so much love and hope but truly got battered along the way and yes feel a total failure

I have never picked well either, when it comes to men. It only becomes obvious some years down the line.

I now think I never valued myself properly, partly going back to childhood. I didn't have much confidence, still don't. I should have left home and lived an independent life for some years. Instead I settled for someone who asked me, who was nice, but that was not enough.

You have a happy life and loving son and friends, so you've done much better than some with your life. Be proud and happy.

Blondenana...The cat would have won with me too. No contest!!

I've been married 3 times 5 years, 27 years and finally 12 years and currently single and very happy. I don't feel like failure, I have excellent relationships with husbands 1 and 2 and no contact at all with the last one. I have 2 wonderful sons with husband 2 I have been successful in maintaining excellent relationships with both sons and 2 out of 3 husbands so tbh I don't think I failed. I do have to say I wouldn't p*ss on husband 3 if he was on fire but that's fine as the only time I ever think about him is to answer questions like this or someone else brings him up. He was a mistake and didn't deserve me, make of that what you will.

Dee, You have a great relationship with your son....you are a lucky lady.

I;ve a couple of engagements, a divorce , a few long term relationships and 'plenty in between' am currently on my own and more than happy that way, I don't feel a failure at all , I don;t thnk I was ever meant to be with one person

Maybe you shoulld look at it how Ulrika Jonssen(sp) does,she says relationships shouldn't last a lifetime that they are all time limited,she has 4 children by 4 fathers .If you can take that on board then the fact that she says she has always been lucky in love and found lovely men to spend time withis the attitude you should take .They ran their course .
Easy for me to say 44 years with the same man .

Married early as well Dee, mainly to get away from a toxic home life. He had an affair after a couple of years, I was devastated but no way was I going back home, so lived with him for another year, more or less separately until I met husband No 2 and went straight from one to another, married within a year.
He was lovely though and we were very happy and had our two gorgeous children within 3 years of marrying. We got on so well for the first 6/7 years then..... I don't know what happened really but we separated after 11 years and shared the children between us.
Then disaster....... long term relationship! Which was brilliant for the first 3/4 years until he started messing around but we had by then a business together and a mortgage, so I stuck it out for, unbelievably, another six years.
Until I had enough one Sunday morning and told him it was over.
I paid him out of the house by remortgaging and luckily he got hardly anything from the business as it was originally set up with my money and my solicitor/family friend had made sure that he in fact owned very little.
Thank goodness, solicitor looked out for me, when I was looking at life through "rose coloured spectacles".
I was by then 45 and I must admit, since then, they have been the best years of my life. Without the stress of "him" my business boomed, I sold the house and bought a bigger one closer to my children.
I had one or two short term relationships, it's amazing how quickly men want to move in when they see a nice set-up but no way was anyone "getting their feet under my table" ever again and as soon as they realise that there's no chance, off they go. Good riddance!
I have a good life, very close to my children, our four Grandchildren and my ex. their Father, who is platonically, probably my best friend. He was very ill a few years ago and after hospital, I nursed him in my home for six months while he recuperated.
Do I feel a failure. No! Do I feel sad. Sometimes, I wish it had worked out with me and my children's Father but all in all, I think I did ok.
Funny addendum! After ex. started getting better, he began to "grate" a little.? My Son called round and I was "huffing" around in the kitchen and said, "I'll be glad when your Dad moves out, he's starting to get on my nerves". My Son replied, "That's funny, Dad said that he couldn't wait to move out and he couldn't live with you again if you paid him, you're too bossy" Touche!!!!!!!
Fell about laughing! ?

Not me

When my dh passed away, I decided the next years were for my boys alone.

Then, many years later I met someone at a party and
we had a very happy relationship for 4 years...until he proposed...that doomed us immediately. I make a much better lover than a wife. I like my own space and independence.

Since then, I've always made it very clear to the lovely men who've asked me out, that there will never be anything other than loving friendship between us.

At the moment, I'm enjoying a delicious flirtation with a very sweet man, which may or may not turn into a relationship (he's asked me out, so far I've declined) but he too knows the score.

So no, I don't consider myself a failure in any sense. I'm honest about what I want and honest with the men concerned.

Sounds like your life is happy, overall, Dee. Kudos on the great relationship w/ DS! I'm sorry none of your romantic relationships lasted, but, if anything, it's the relationships that failed, not you. Love paddyann's answer and think you should take it to heart.