Gransnet forums


Adult grandson being a bully

(10 Posts)
JaniP Sat 06-Jul-19 11:10:38

My grandson is treating me very disrespectful. He is angry about something he thought I said. I tried to explain I would NEVER say it. He texts very hateful things. He screams more of the same. Now he says to stay away from his family. He and his wife had a baby about 3 weeks ago. I have not seen him. Now my grandson says I’ll never see him. I’ve always been close with him. Always there for him. Loaned him money for a car & money to have it fixed. He has never paid me back When he had no insurance I took him to urgent care & paid for it. When he got fired by his father in law I gave him $1000 till he found a job. None of this counts for anything. He has others in the family listening to his lies. He is about 6’4” & now I’m afraid he’ll do more than be verbal. Should I contact elder abuse? If I hear a noise I get frightened. I live alone. This is making me sick. I cry every time I think about the terrible things he’s said to me. What can I do?

annsixty Sat 06-Jul-19 11:20:11

Make sure you are safe in your home aand get on with your life without him in it.

EllanVannin Sat 06-Jul-19 11:24:27

What a horrible individual ! Get a panic button installed.

mumofmadboys Sat 06-Jul-19 11:24:29

Leave him alone for the time being. Perhaps a new baby is stressing them out. Can you talk to his parent - your DS or DD? He may calm down as time passes. Perhaps you need to see him next with D or S there as well. Hope things improve. Try not to dwell on something he has written in the heat of the moment.

JaniP Sat 06-Jul-19 11:32:05

I definitely will be leaving him alone as that’s what he wants. I doubt his parents would get involved. He was a problem to them when he was younger. He was hateful to them. He was told to leave. They seem to get along now that he’s older. I suspect if they got involved he’d say they couldn’t see the baby. It’s so sad. Thank you for your insight.

M0nica Sat 06-Jul-19 17:33:31

My sympathy JaniP, you are in a frightening situation. Your GS clearly has anger management and behaviour problems because he has already caused his parents problems. The reason for this is irrelevant. You are dealing with how he his behaving now

The first thing to do is get in touch with an elder abuse group. They will be able to help and advise you on every aspect of protecting yourself. They will also be able to provide a listening ear and assistance.

The second thing you must do is make sure your house is secure. If he has a key,then change the locks. Make sure the front door has a chain on it so that you can talk to a caller without being in fear of them pushing the door open and coming in. Make sure your windows all have window locks and that there is a good bright light outide the front door.

If he does approach you keep a diary of when he visited, how long he was at the house (do not let him in) and what he said. Note, also, any other approaches, save emails, note phone calls as above and save any texts. Do not intiate any contact with him yourself.

Talk to other members of your family about the problem. Ask for help and advice.

And while we all love our children/DGC and DGGC, constantly giving them money whenever they spin a convincing story is not always a wise thing to do. They begin to see you as a money tap, a sort of get-out-of-gaol card whenever they mismanag their affairs. Eventually they turn nasty when you have to say 'no', the money has run out. This is how he sees you now, as a cash cow to be milked as often as possible.

So keep your money and let them solve their own problems. I bet your GC lost his job because he lost his temper with his FiL or for some other misdemeanour. Behaviour that should not be rewarded by you givinghim money to help him until he got another job.. As somone said in a similar situation. a short course of starvation, might do him good. His wife and child would, I am sure be supported by her parents.

BlueBelle Sat 06-Jul-19 18:38:25

Is there any chance he s taking drugs or even on steroids ?
Maybe just got stressed and protective of his family stay away for a while and let him simmer down

Starlady Mon 08-Jul-19 14:00:15

I'm so very sorry, JaniP. Hugs!

You have been very kind and generous to GS. I'm sorry if he doesn't appreciate it. It sounds as if he has been a difficult person for a long time and now this has impacted you, most likely, through no fault of your own. Even IF you said what he thought you did (I'm sure you didn't, he probably misheard or misinterpreted), I don't see how one comment could warrant a CO (cut off) in light of everything you've done for him and his family.

Perhaps he feels guilty about all the help you've given and is trying to find a reason why he doesn't need to be grateful? Or why he "doesn't have to" pay back those loans? Who knows?

Hopefully, if you avoid contacting him, he will leave you alone. But I hope you take the measures others have suggested to protect your safety, anyhow. just in case. Please just focus on taking care of yourself for now and keep reaching out to us. Hugs!

Hithere Mon 08-Jul-19 16:46:13

If your grandson initiates the attacks, feel free to call 911 and report him

If he is replying to your comments in an abusive manner, do not engage him anymore. Do not initiate contact or reply.

JaniP Sat 13-Jul-19 11:54:56

I would be surprised if he’s on drugs or steroids. He has had anger issues for a long time. I’m sure the approaching time of his 1st child had him very nervous. I’m trying to develop a tougher skin & not get so upset but this incident is over the top. He’s lashed out over the top 2 times. Since the last time I’ve heard nothing. No one in his family have talked to me about it. It’s a good idea about contacting elder abuse and changing locks. The way he’s treated me I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned physical. The 1st confrontation was at his dad’s office. The 2nd was by text & on phone. I just hope I don’t run into him at my son’s office. Thank you all for your help. It helps me to not feel so alone. God bless you all.