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How to support my daughter and SIL through IVF

(14 Posts)
joanneiam1 Sun 14-Jul-19 13:58:42

My daughter and SIL, who do have a wonderful 7 year old son, have been trying for years to have another baby with no success. My daughter is going through her first IVF process and just had one tested-normal blastocyst implanted two days ago. She did wonderfully through all of the early stages of IVF, all the medications, all of the injections, etc, but now is absolutely a basketcase with worry. Yesterday, she and her husband had a huge fight and now she is convinced that the embryo will not implant. I have never seen her so emotional, which I totally, get, but I am worried sick about her. I must be only strong and supportive for her, but I am dying inside. Any advice on how to best support your children during this very difficult waiting period?

dragonfly46 Sun 14-Jul-19 14:01:48

It is always hard when your DC have problems. The best thing to do is to listen. You cannot advise just be empathetic.

Anniebach Sun 14-Jul-19 14:06:19

joanneiam, been where you are, all you can do is listen , it’s he’ll isn’t it ?

Norah Sun 14-Jul-19 14:08:41

All you can do it listen and wait.

Marydoll Sun 14-Jul-19 14:51:46

I've been there too and I agree with everyone, just listen, don't offer advice or opinions.
Also be prepared for the tears and mood swings.
Our wee grandaughter was born after their last attempt. The joy she brings is indescribable.

Flossie777 Sun 14-Jul-19 19:56:07

The emotional and physical toll of IVF is huge, she has got to having an embryo implanted, great, now there is nothing she can do to help or hurt the chance of success. Just carry on as normal for the 2 week wait and keep her as busy as possible. Good luck

ElaineI Sun 14-Jul-19 22:18:00

Listen day and night, you will know and understand less than she knows so don't offer opinions, pray whether you are religious or not. If she is not already a member suggest she joins fertility friends.co.uk and looks for the forum for ladies who have just had an embryo implanted - the support there is invaluable - I believe it is called "ladies in waiting - TWW". Infertility is a rollercoaster for couples and emotionally draining for everyone. Our DD was very lucky and we have 2 beautiful IVF grandchildren aged 5 and 2 - technically twins but 3 years apart. Very good luck to your family.

joanneiam1 Tue 16-Jul-19 13:14:40

thanks everyone - she is doing well distracting herself and waiting it out now. Your kids are always your kids, right, no matter how old they are.

kittylester Tue 16-Jul-19 14:30:02

Exactly joanne, but my 48 year old son doesnt understand that!!!

I think you have excellent advice above.

When you need to vent, remember we are here.

joanneiam1 Thu 01-Aug-19 23:11:04

Well, I have a good news update! My daughter is 5 weeks pregnant after her IVF frozen embryo transfer and just had her early ultrasound yesterday. Everything looked good! We are all cautiously optimistic and afraid to just be totally joyful now until she gets further along so it is still one week at a time and holding our breath. I'm so glad to have this lovely group to share my happiness / worry with. Have all fingers and toes crossed.

stella1949 Fri 02-Aug-19 04:19:08

That's wonderful news ! Best wishes to you and your daughter !

Starlady Sun 04-Aug-19 16:25:21

How wonderful, Joanne! Thanks for sharing! I understand your being cautious, most people I know wait till the 3-month mark to start really rejoicing and spreading the news, and I imagine that's especially true in this situation. Glad you could share here, anonymously, w/ us! Best wishes to all!

Day6 Sun 04-Aug-19 16:35:48

That is good news Joanne! I am sure along with the relief and ecstasy there is still underlying nervousness.

I hope all goes well. I am sure it will and you'll all look forward to the new arrival next spring! Keep us up-dated. Very happy for you all. flowers

ElaineI Sun 04-Aug-19 20:08:01

Very good news Joanne. She will continue to be very nervous the whole time so you need to be prepared to listen and be at the end of a phone or message stream as there will be lots of questions. I really hope this baby continues to thrive and grow xxxx