Silent Treatment

TB what a miserable situation to be in. The feeling of knowing it is all going to happen again and again is awful.
There are very few marriages where there are no disagreement we are all individuals with our own opinions, likes, dislikes.
In my marriage we tend to let things go and get on with the day.
What would I do in your situation,
get ready and go out for the day, if it continued when I got back the following day I'd take myself off for a few days somewhere interesting budget permitting.
I would begin making a life for myself outside of the marriage but carry on as normal at home.
Life can be short and we have to make every day count.
Best of luck and a Happy New Year

Put some loud music on, preferably something he does not like and completely ignore him.

If faced with this type of passive aggressive behaviour I have learned in our 30 year marriage to be extra nice and pleasant to my sulking DH. He is not an idiot, he has now learned that his sulking does not affect me at all and has grown out of it at the age of 57?. I would carry on as normal if I were you, have a conversation with yourself. As a talker, I have never understood the silence after an upset, I like to put it all to one side and carry on as if it never happened, however it wouldn’t do for us all to be the same now would it.

Tenacious, I'm so sorry DH is acting this way. I hope it blows over quickly and that you find other things to do in the meantime, as others have suggested. Hugs!

Travelsafar - LOL! Sorry about your dad, but your mum sounds delightful!

My husband silks, hes also a controlling person and I feel the sulking is part of trying to control me. It's difficult but now I have learnt to ignore it, I just carry on as normal, if he doesn't answer me I just say, "I will take that as a yes then" and cook whatever I feel like, or go off out on my own, or sit and phone someone for a chat while he sits and seethe.

He’s acting like a spoilt child I know you must be sick of it, I do feel for you, I’d say something like See ya don’t want be ya, and off I’d go. I wouldn’t let him see that I was upset about it,if you show that it’s getting you down he will know his pathetic behaviour is affecting you, I certainly would leave him to his own devices, really pathetic behaviour from a grown man , that you have soent many years with

This is one of my biggest problems with my H too. I simply hate it when he gives me the silent treatment. When I challenge him he says things like "What do you want me to say?" - as if that is even relevant! I'm not going to put words into his mouth, I just want to have an adult conversation with him and not have him withdraw whenever he can't be bothered or can't deal with the topic.
I really find it so frustrating.
Don't have any real advice but just wanted to share that you are not alone and I feel your pain.

My dad was guilty of doing this. One day my mum starting opening the cupboards and drawers, lifting the cushions on the sofa and armchairs. He couldn't contain himself and asked 'what are you looking for' she replied 'Oh you found it, your voice!!!!!

After 39 years, he's learned he can get away with it - because you've let him.
I don't wonder you're fed up and I don't blame you one bit for saying 'Enough!'

If he does this because he didn't get his own way, or you had an arguments, then he is no better than a toddler and the advice when they play up is to ignore it.

That, in your case, is no food preparation, no laundry, no intimacy (Good old Lisistrata!) nothing at all for which he relies on you.
It can't possibly make the atmosphere worse than it is.

If, on the other hand, this is a manufactured sulk because he just wants to retreat and have some peace and quiet , then making sure you go out and do your own thing is the answer.

He can still ring for a takeway if he gets hungry.

Just go on with your life, or even make it better and more interesting if you can. But stick to your guns because he should not be rewarded for his sulks and making your life miserable, by your pandering to him with meals and other conveniences.

By Jingoes he's lucky he doesn't live with me!! He'd never sulk again after the first time.

grandetanteJE65, that is exactly how my husband behaves too, if he`s not rolling his eyes and not respecting my concerns. So annoying.

OP I hope you can just ignore the childish behaviour and do your own thing.

Silent treatment as such, no, but my DH can suddenly decide that we have talked enough about a problem and refuse to discuss it further.

Usually when this happens the problem hasn't been solved. I find it difficult to solve a problem that concerns us both if I may not say anything about it.

Right now DH is "dealing" with a problem by doing nothing and as I have just been told rather rudely to shut up about it, I am leaving him to it.

Unsatisfactory, but I really don't know what else I can do.

Do men ever grow up ?.
I would buy him a dummy.
Try your hardest to ignore him and not talk him out of it he may just get fed up with his stupid ways.

Luckily I don't know anyone who gives the silent treatment.
If your husband was mine I would have exploded at him years ago. Tell him to grow up!
Walk out and go and do your own thing.

What a great username.

I think you are being a bit too 'tenacious' sticking with this so called 'man' - I really would leave him - 61 is relatively young - you could have at least 20 more years of this malarkey if you keep brushing it under the carpet.

Timetogo, I know it isn't funny but you made me laugh.?

When my other half does it I enjoy the peace.

Dont put up with it. Ive got to the stage I would say that if they want to sulk like a 2 year old they can get on with it. Then go do your own thing. Tell them that when they want to act like an adult , you will then be willing to talk. What is it with men? In all honesty Ive never come across women who behave like this. I call these types joysuckers as they definitely suck the joy out of everything. To the lady who finished with the chap after the holiday, good on you. I bet your holidays are alot more fun now. I basically at one point told a partner of mine if he didnt grow up and his behaviour didnt change I was leaving. I couldnt live with huffs and sulks. Think it woke him up a bit as behaviour improved. Don't be fooled, its totally passive aggressive and punishing you for something you have supposedly done. Do not put up with it. As one poster suggested even book yourself into a hotel for a couple of nights , tell him you are not returning until this behaviour ceases and you discuss things in a proper adult manner. I really cant be a***d with sulky, huffy men. Ive already brought up my children. I don't intend to start bringing up adult children.

I certainly have experience of this
There’s often not an obvious trigger either
I’ve been wondering if it’s ‘ old man grumps ‘ as well as passive aggressive treatment
They seem to stress about themselves all the time on minor issues eg age rather than do anything positive to get themselves out of it
I can’t be bothered with it but it does create a black cloud /bad atmosphere in the house so I prefer to be out
Even my son said his dad was becoming more childlike in his behaviours
I don’t think it’s Alzheimers or anything just an entrenched behaviour getting worse over time
Girls just wanna have fun springs to mind just do what makes you happy in these circumstances

I suggest just ignoring it and not breaking the silence yourself. That way he will have to eventually give in and take some responsibility for his childish behaviour. Then when over, maybe ask him why he does it and listen! Talk about how it makes you feel and tell him that in future you will ...whatever suits you ...when he does this!

TenaciousB I hope some of these posts have been helpful?

You definitely don't have to feel bad just because he wants you to.

GG, me too, the silent treatment from Mother, it is terrifying to a small child who doesn't even understand what they have " done wrong"

It can lead to all sorts of problems and attachment disorders. It is every bit as cruel as other sorts of punishment.

MissA
Me too.

It must be horrible Tenacious.. if you must stay with him, I hope you can join some organisations, make friends and just go out and leave him to 'stew in his own juice'.
He must enjoy feeling so self-righteous.

TenaciousB, I am really sorry to hear that your husband is treating you like this and has done so for the past 39 years. Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment is soul destroying and I’m not surprised you’ve had enough.

My own mother used the silent treatment on me from as far back as I can remember. I suffered with chronic anxiety as a result and it was only through counselling that I discovered just how abusive the silent treatment is.

As another poster said, you deserve better. You do not need to live like this. I hope you are okay.

Horrible, abusive, passive aggressive behaviour.

Put a note under his door with the names of some therapists, pack a bag and go to your nearest Travel Lodge.