I just came across this UK organisation. I’m guessing it’s fairly new. Their (British) research shows that 20% of families have some estrangement within it. Their website offers good advice which is probably especially helpful to those new to the situation. They also offer therapy groups and other active help in different parts of the UK and are hoping to increase the locations in which this is available.
Many of the points made on the website seem sensible to me. I have been estranged by my son for 11-years. So I’m something of an old hand. Very sadly, and with great difficulty, within the last year or so (there wasn’t a single date), I have had to cut off contact with one of my adult daughters. I was her ‘go to’ when she wanted something, but ignored otherwise. That was hurtful, but manageable, but I was also her scapegoat. She had tantrums (as an adult) if she didn’t immediately get her own way, ‘gaslighted’ if ever I attempted to have a conversation about her behaviour towards me, or my feelings. On visits, I always felt like I was walking on eggshells and could feel her becoming gradually irritated (she had been very easily irritated and angry with anyone, or anything that, even briefly impedes her wishes). I reached a point that in the interest of my own mental health, I had to say ‘no more’. I struggled with this of course and saw a therapist for a while, as I was full of self doubt and distress. So much of our relationship was conducted by text message (daughter’s way). In explaining my situation to my therapist, I asked her to read our text conversations because I wanted her to be able to see some of it from both mine and my daughter’s perspective. She did so and gently told me over several sessions that in her opinion, it was an abusive relationship, my daughter being the abuser. I had never thought if it that way, but it made sense.
I am not looking for advice here. Rather I’m just sharing my own experience. So when I comment on this organisation, other Gransnetters know where I’m coming from. Maybe others want to share in relation to the findings and advice from this organisation. Here is the website.
www.verywellfamily.com/breakdown-of-family-estrangement-1695444
