Well meant gift

Accept it with the graciousness it was given. He appreciates your kindness. He'd be hurt if you returned it.

Probably, you, OP, like me were brought up not to accept money when you did someone a favour. I remember as a child being allowed to accept a sweetie or two, but not money to go into my piggy bank.

You are up against a neighbour whose values insist that he "doesn't accept charity", so something has to give.

I think I would accept gracefully this time, but if it happens again, tell him politely that you feel uncomfortable accepting a present like that, it makes you feel he is paying and you were not brought up to look for payment when you helped a neighbour.

I think it's lovely and a refreshing change from people who take and never give thanks.

You could say it was lovely and you enjoyed it but say quite firmly it was a one off?

BradfordLass I think you’ve said it all. I completely agree with you. We’ve done little things for our neighbours and been given wine, eggs in return. These things are not expected but if it makes the givers feel happier then why not?
How nice to live in a street where people help and appreciate each other. We hear enough stories of people not even knowing who their neighbours are.

I think I would want to send a card as Jane10 suggested. I would be concerned that he would start to do it regularly.

Mr C began to occasionally help a neighbour who is 20 years older than us. Nothing major, usually no more than 30 minutes of time. We would wake up to find a bottle of wine on the doorstep. It felt awkward, we’re more than happy to help her. After a while this neighbour offered to have our key when we’re away, she picks up the post and has family’s phone number in case anything seems awry. Taking her flowers on our return there was a grumbled ‘I’m just being neighbourly’. This gave us the opportunity to laugh together and acknowledge that worked both ways. We now often have a cuppa together and spend a couple of hours chatting She still leaves wine if Mr C helps out, we still take her flowers when we get back from a trip as we all feel better. Having experienced both sides I’m pleased you’ve decided to keep your neighbours gift badger and I’m sure the offer of some relaxed time together would be welcomed.

Learn to be a gracious receiver as the two previous posts have advised.

It gave him pleasure to think he was, after all, treating you to a lovely meal. Why on earth would you want to spoil that?

It amazes me how many people prefer to refuse a 'thank you' gift because they feel uncomfortable.

Really, Badger, it's not about you.

'Oh you shouldn't have...'
'I really can't take that...'
'Oh that's not necessary...'

And other refusals must be the cause of endless unhappiness and embarrassment to people who simply wanted to offer a gesture of thanks. How sad.

Think of the Giver, not yourself.

I would say, accept a gift like that graciously with a smile and a Thank You.Please don't try to give it back that would be very rude. Why do we always feel uncomfortable if someone gives us a gift of money while a bottle, of what might be expensive wine is acceptable?

I have a very kind neighbour who is very helpful as and when. So as a thank you I make him up a box of goodies at Christmas which I know he enjoys and it gives me pleasure to give it. He once said if I offered him money he would feel insulted, hence the indulgence at Christmas (sorry just realised I have mentioned the C word twice and its only August!)

Enjoy the meal. I'm sure he knows you don't expect anything for all the little things you do to help out and he appreciates you all the more for that. He obviously feels you deserve reward and if he couldn't have afforded the money his gift would have been smaller. Be grateful and carry on being such good neighbours as you are

Wine and nibbles sound great, Badgerbadger!

Just receive it with thanks. When you get back home thank him again and tell him what a lovely meal you had. Lots of people love to do things for people who help them to show their appreciation. It’s just a small way of showing thanks. Obviously, if it was any more I would be concerned, but let him enjoy his generosity.

Well well, thank you all for responding, seeing an overwhelming support for not returning the money and your various reasons has settled my mind considerably we have had them over in the past for wine and nibbles, so I’m sure a meal near the festive season would be appropriate. I have reread the post a couple of times now and there is so much that I have got from it especially seeing it from his perspective, thank you all again

I think as long as you know by taking the money it hasn't left your neighbours in dire straits, then say thank you and enjoy however you spend it.
They , and you, sound lovely people. Maybe get together socially sometimes, rather than just helping out.

I would take it, say thank you and wait.....When his wife comes back, use the money to buy something special and invite them over for dinner. You can mention any other time that you appreciated his gift, but I don't think you need to mention how he subsidized the grocery bill. Your invitation speaks for itself and would be an appropriate gesture in return.

I agree that generation is very independent.Our late neighbour needed a lift to hospital and back and we invited him in for a cuppa afterwards . The next day a Thankyou letter and £15 not needed or expected but we said Thank you . He would have been offended if we had returned it.

Just say thank you and accept it in the spirit that it was given. Then forget it.

Please accept this gift graciously!
Enjoy a meal while you are away and tell your neighbour how much you enjoyed it when you get back.

I think it’s lovely that you help your neighbours in this way, and I wouldn’t worry about the money at all. He wanted to take you out for a meal but you couldn’t go, so he gave you the money instead. Accept it graciously, you do not want to offend him. Continue to help, your help is freely given and requires no recompense, but if he wants to take you for a meal occasionally, or brings you a bottle of wine, accept graciously, but do say you don’t need any reward. That’s what I would do.

gt66
I have one of those ? There is nothing he can't build/fix/repair.
He had done lots of work/jobs for our lovey neighbour. One day after finishing a job which saved her hundreds of pounds ( her words) she brought up the subject of money.
If there's one thing my. OH doesn't discuss, it's being paid for work done for friends/ neighbours.
She really really wanted to pay, because, as you say "she felt that she couldn't ask again.
Everyone's happy now.

Keep the money to one side and invite him and his lovely wife out for lunch in your local, as your treat to them for being such lovely neighbours, use the money he gave you to pay for it.

We too have a similar situation with our neighbours. We often take them to the airport or station when they are off on their travels. We don’t mind at all but they really feel that they have to reciprocate by doing the same for us. We always refuse but then they give us presents to thank us.
Don’t refuse the money, just tell them that you enjoyed the meal.
Next time you do anything just say that you do it because “that’s what good neighbours do.”
At least you know you’re help is appreciated.

Thank them, use it as he wants and then ask them for a nice meal at your house.

Unconsciously, you are making this about you and your feelings. It would be very rude to hand the money back. Imagine how humiliated the poor man would feel to have a generous gesture thrown back in his face. It leaves him with 'nowhere to go' to protect his dignity. I'm sure you will, with imagination, find many nice little ways to reward his kindness, even though that is what he is doing for your kindness in the first place. What you give out you get back.

For heavens sake, just enjoy it.

Why is it so difficult to accept people’s generosity of spirit.

You help them out, so what’s the problem.