I could never have imagined this situation

When I went to A and E at the Moorfield Hospital - the first think they wanted to check up on was whether I was UK resident and entitled to free treatment. I think you have to be resident in UK for at least 3 months as British Passport holder before you can use NHS. NHS loses billions(?) on ''health tourist''.

I dont understand some of the replies to the OP,s post.
She has stated that her husband wanted to be in the UK for a time to be near his mum who had dementia. I cant see anything wrong with that.
He now travels back for medical treatment and stays with his sister. Perhaps having lost his mum he now wants to see more of his sister. Loss can affect people like that.
She also says he will accept treatment in France later if necessary.
They have a lovely home and friends in France and he doesnt want to return to live in the uk permanently.
They are not living separate lives. He shares details of his medical apt.s with her. They are separated some times because they cant afford to both travel, but not separate lives which is a different thing.
Why assume he is living a double life ?
If we were talking about a woman doing these things eg being with her mum, sister and wanting treatment in her home country would we not think her husband a bully for trying to prevent this ? Why always think the worst ?

Good post Rocknroll.
I don’t know why, when people ask for support, some posters imagine worst-case fanciful scenarios and twist the knife in the wound.

I think there is still a status patients can have as 'temporary resident' when they can access NHS emergency and GP services when they are away from home. How 'temporary' the patient is must I suppose be investigated if the patient keeps coming back from France for more treatment from the NHS.

I'm with you mumofmadboys. This seems the case many a time unfortunately.
Ramblingrose 47, just take advice from those being helpful

He has a heart condition. He is scared and the last thing he wants is stress...and to him that means being treated back home in the UK where staff automatically speak English. He feels embarrassed that this is not rational, he knows it is illegal therefore is using family UK address ...he doesn't want to involve you in that subterfuge knowing that it would bother you and you reasonably expect him to be treated in France. He has dug himself a deep hole. But he has gone to his comfort zone and that is the NHS. Rationality and legality doesn't come into it. He is still emotionally tied...but the one thing that grates on that explanation is why he doesn't want to move back to the UK with you? Is it because he doesn't want to disappoint you? That he is half in love with your retirement dream? People are complex. If you can understand that and let it be, it probably would be the kindest. Don't fret too much, know you are doing your best for his needs...as odd as they are.

If your husband is using his brothers UK address as his home address while having his hospital treatments I would have thought he would need to be registered with a UK GP as well. When I started having cancer treatment a couple of years ago, I received a letter from the consultant who had confirmed the diagnosis telling me that a copy of this same letter had been sent to my GP. During my treatment a complication arose were I had to start having daily injections, I was given a two weeks initial supply by the hospital pharmacy and told my GPs surgery had been emailed with the details. On discharge from an operation I had the district nurse for several days, this also had to be done via the hospital liaising with the GP surgery.
I am sorry for the situation you are experiencing but I think that either your husband doesn't really like living in France anymore and is reluctant to say so, or has an ulterior motive. I agree with the poster who worked at the opticians and says how shocked some expats living in Spain were when they discovered they could not even qualify for an eye test even though paying into our system for years.
If you are now paying health insurance in France your husband's treatment would probably be done much quicker than here in the UK.

I think if Ramblingrose has never entertained the thought that there may be ulterior motives for her husband spending so much time in UK and excluding her it probably has been quite a shock. Nevertheless I too am of the opinion that there is more to this story especially as it has been going on for 3 years now, one way or another.

Is there any way you can speak with your in-laws RR? I suppose it depends on how you all get on but I think I would say something like "Hi, am coming over next week as a surprise for DH, is it o.k. for me to stay with you?"

See what the response is?

OR you could just turn up? "Surprise"

Either way, I would have to know exactly why my husband seemed to prefer living apart from me (which is technically what he is choosing to do?) There is one thing being private and wanting to go to appointments alone but it is another when you don't want to spend every other minute you can with your partner. Also, from my experience of NHS, it can be weeks from an initial appointment to follow up and subsequent follow up appointments? You say it isn't worth him returning home for a few days?

As everyone else says - not wishing to upset you in any way at all - but something just doesn't add up correctly. Do you have any other relatives to help you out if in-laws are a no no? Good luck.

This is a very difficult situation for you. I think you should explore in your mind and perhaps write notes of each possible outcome/option you can think of bearing in mind all the ideas that this thread suggest.

also is he died what happens to you and your property in French law.

When you are fully briefed then hopefully you will be clearer which path you intend to take.

all the very best.

What an awful situation for the OP to be in. On one hand shes saying they cant afford to do certain things but then on the next that her husband is making regular trips to the UK/staying away from home. Even if he is staying with relatives I assume hes contributing to their costs as well as maintaining another home. Ridiculous.

Rambling rose has asked for support. Why the nasty tone of some of these posts?

Bbbface. If the OPs husband is receiving a U.K. State pension he IS able to access the NHS quite legally. As I wrote in my previous post your EHIC card must be issued by the U.K. and not the host country. I assume that he accessed the French healthcare via an S1 form - only issued to UK pensioners and shows that the U.K. repays the healthcare of the person concerned.

After 3 years it’s now time to put yourself 1st as DH is not considering your feelings whatsoever, just doing his own thing, whatever it is, while you sit at home worrying and upset. I personally wouldn’t accept any of this behaviour. Listen to your inner feelings and act on them. Always remember that your feelings are just as important as his, and if he is not thinking of you, why are you not entitled to do the same. Are you protected financially if anything happens etc you need to think practically too. Good luck ?

RamblingRose Your OH refuses to be treated in France because he does not speak French after living there 6 years that is an insult to your host country and he should be ashamed.

Some confusion over access to the NHS see post from Welshwife

I hate to be brutal, but the OP says they have virtually lived separate lives for the last three years so, maybe it is worth making that a more formal and permanent arrangement?

Perhaps, if that is suggested, it might make him realise what he is doing and how it is hurting RamblingRose. He will either change his attitude and be more considerate or agree that is the best solution.

I remember a similar case on Gransnet previously with very similar circumstances concerning a husband who was spending considerable amounts of time in the UK dealing with family issues, and excluding his wife; there was some reason the wife couldn't stay with the in-laws. It sounded suspicious at the time, and it sounds suspicious now.

I think you should insist on accompanying him at least once; his illness has implications for your future together, and to exclude you like this is clearly very hurtful. See exactly what is going on in England; something clearly is.

You must feel alone and upset. You need to find someone to talk to a friend or some counselling it’s you as well that’s going through this too. He’s being selfish.

And adding these points together....I think OP and her DH need to have a serious conversation.

Interesting BBFace
And OP I know you think your DH is entitled to use the nhs
But he’s actually not

If you're moving abroad on a permanent basis, you'll no longer automatically be entitled to medical treatment under normal NHS rules. This is because the NHS is a residence-based healthcare system

Very perceptive GabriellaG - is there more going on here than meets the eye?

Much as I sympathise with you for your husband’s strange behaviour, what shouts at me is why is he using the NHS when the UK isn’t good enough to live in?

Maybe the hospital letters are sent to his sister's address and when appropriate, forwarded to him in France or opened and screenshot by sister and emailed to him.

Someone who is very ill wouldn't be channel hopping twice a month for years.
He's not hospitalised, is able to travel alone without any health restrictions barring his flying back and forth and this has been going on for some considerable time.
If you are '*very ill* you wouldn't be in a fit enough state to do all that travelling.
What exactly is wrong with him that takes years to diagnose and years to find a solution?
I think he's enjoying the attention and can throw in his 2 cents worth.
It wouldn't wash in France.

Lived in France for 6 years probably with the intention of living out his days there and registered as French resident. Where are all the appointments sent? Surely the NHS must question why if they are sent to France. Or does your DH say he receives them via email which would be unusual. You do know anyone can mock up a letter heading to look like an official letter. Just trying to cover all bases. Also all the strain of travelling to and fro for appointments must surely be detrimental to his health. I would be seriously concerned about his behaviour, private nature or not. Why not just turn up at one of the appointment times without letting him know you are going. Would he be happy if you behaved the same way if you had health issues?. Or would he expect you to use the French health system as residents, you both should.