Frequency

I agree with Jane10 please be careful this thread may not be what it seems

I'm early 60s DH 8years older,coming up to 11th WA - not the first time for either of us. No sex for 2/3/4 years now - I can't remember. Started with him being unwell then I was menopausal, I think he would still like a sexual relationship but he's not well again (heart failure) and, to be honest, I don't think he could manage. I am quite happy without............

I too believe it’s good to air niggly worries here as it can help to ‘normalise’ the private anxieties we have. By seeing such a cross-section of comments we can see feel reassured to some extent.

Sorry. I didn’t mean to be intrusive or offensive. No one was forced to reply. I am truly in a time in my life where I wanted to see if what I am experiencing is truly unusual. I have not posted here before. I post on Mumsnet infrequently and under another name. As I said in my post I am not a grandmother but I believed there may be people of a like age on here. I will not make the mistake again. Thank you for the people who were comfortable responding. The info was helpful. Again, I apologize.

Both 70 and still active. Medical issues on both sides mean not as often as in 50s or 60s but still active about every two weeks. I agree it is not vital for a happy marriage, it’s what works for ‘you’ as a couple

Pre pregnancy probably every other day.
Now, I'm so not interested and it's once a week at best. I just seem to have lost my desire for it - not him though. I'm hopeful that I will return to normal for us after the birth. Hormones, tiredness and feeling somewhat frumpy isn't a good for sex drive, although his desire is just as it always had been. I do feel awful for not satisfying him. Not guilty as such, but like I'm failing our relationship.

Babadon Is that right? how You need to get out more.

Be careful though.
Threads often end up on Twitter and Facebook, and people have been recognised before by 'real life' friends/enemies/relatives (though probably not through posting about their sex lives)

MawB as this forum is anonymous I think its a great place to discuss things that are worrying you

I suppose people talk about it here Maw hoping not to be judged. Friends usually don't discuss these things though I was horrified to find the reason my friend goes to gym at 7.30 is to avoid unwelcome advances from 80 year old at home! The thought of it! I'm very lucky I dont have that problem any more.?

MawB

Intrusive or what?
Do people really share this sort of information on a public forum - or even with close friends?
How about bowel motions ? Waxing? Washing underwear?
#Icantbelieveyouareaskingthiseither

Couldn’t disagree more - it’s not intrusive because you don’t need to
Participate.
There are things you can discusd here that you wouldn’t want to discuss with friends. Also you get a more varied cross section of tamales to discuss with.

Op - I’m 53 and have sex once s week to keep DH happy - I am totally disinterested and would love to be a happy celibate couple.
The thought of still rutting at 74 makes me panic - no way.

We Brits find sex, like bowel movements an almost taboo subject. Why? My youngish, very attractive female GP became quite red in the face when I told her that my wife and I, both 67, still enjoy sex thanks to lubricating gel.

Haha I thought having relations was about inviting relatives round!

Cagney.You can still enjoy intimacy with H and suggest you get in touch with your GP who will advise on the help you can obtain.Regarding H suggestion ie a lover I do not dvise you taking that path.

I dont think there is a "normal" so whatever you're happy with is normal for you.Thats both of you as the problems start when one is interested and the other isn't.Having said that I think all relationships have times when sexual activity is more and times when its less.Thats just life surely .Neither marriage nor love can be gauged by how much sex you have ,its so much more than that

A perv you mean, Jane10 ? Eeeuuww !

Familiarity is, without a doubt after medical issues have been ruled out and medical issues can if not all be treated, a reason for 'disinterest' in sex. As one comment says 'I did my duty as a wife and mother and would not wish for a repeat performance'.Sex is not a duty and if a marriage can be sustained without both ,unusual??, feeling the need then that is up to them.

My comment was because the OP may be taking a rather prurient interest in the posts. Sadly people are not always what they seem.

I think it is very important place that people can ask sensitive questions , I am 55 dh 59 and after two strokes which he has thankfully recovered well from our intimacy waned completely, I felt with all he had been through me pressurising him to perform was. too much
He even suggested I take a lover as didn’t want me to feel unattractive etc etc
Fast forward two years and we are back on top form
Was the one thing none of my friends have fortunately gone through so without sisters the only person I could talk to was the persons who felt was the problem
The desire was still in his eyes and that’s all I needed for then and now

Every day? Blimey! And there's a Feb 29 coming up next year too! Please don't show any photos of your DH! I'm just about to get my evening dinner!
Cheers

I am 56 and my husband is 62. We have never had the most passionate of relationships but it was at its best in my late 30s-early 40s. Now we only have sex about once a month, because he always seems too tired and is worried about age affecting 'performance', I feel unattractive if he doesn't seem interested, and we are both stressed up to the eyeballs coping with my unreasonable elderly mother. I have said I would like us to be closer, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Maybe familiarity has bred contempt... We live like affectionate friends now, which makes me a bit sad.

* not BOTH couples - I meant both partners!

Exactly Maw I am astounded what people will share with strangers on an open forum.

A futile question really. What does it matter what other couples do? I can't see how knowing what other people do will make you happier or... unhappier for that matter! If you were happy you would not be asking the question so clearly you are not in which case you need to speak with your husband about it.

Can a marriage be truly happy without sex? I would say - absolutely - so long as both couples are on the same page. If you are festering resentment then no (obviously)

oops-gyn