Nosey dil

I totally agree with easybee. I think it very rude to rifle through people belongs also cards. They weren’t addressed to anyone but the sender and I do believe it is their choice to display as they choose. It’s for the recipient to invite people to look through if they choose.

It just seems bad manners to me for anything else. But I wonder if anyone cares about manners any more ?

I used to married to a Chinese guy. His friends were very intrusive (to British standards) eg I like your shoes. How much were they? It was most definitely cultural (we offend other cultures regularly as customs and upbringings differ greatly across the world). If you have a problem don’t stew over it chat to her in a friendly manner.

Not Egyptian is she??? I lived in Egypt for 13 years and because families tend to all live together they don't seem to have 'personal space' everyone is in everyone's house/rooms and nothing seems to be private. I guess there are many cultures that are this way, your son needs to explain to her that it is not acceptable here.

Oh Tigertooth, I laughed until I cried.

i agree with everyone who's said best not to take on what happens in other's houses, but it's up to you how you deal with things in your own. i also think best not to tell her she's being rude, as that's bound to upset her, and probably your son too. but no reason why you can't say, i'd rather not answer that; or can you please leave those things where they belong. but maybe better to say hey can you help me peel the spuds/sort my fine or books into alphabetical order/something to help her feel useful and a part of things. it's always difficult trying to be part of a new family, where everyone's built up their ways over the years. so maybe help her to feel a part of it all.

I think you have passed on your tolerance and acceptance to your son, but perhaps the others need a little more training! ?

People who are nosy belong to any culture, any race, any religion. Instead of back-biting, just tell her that you don't like it when she pokes her nose into where you don't want her to. Practice a bland smile, and a poker face -these are better than confrontation - and remove what she has picked up, from her hand, and replace it where it was.

If you have a good relationship other than her odd behaviour just have a kind word with her. She may be embarrassed to realise her actions cause offence.

Good grief driver! I dont know how you manage to keep quiet!!

As for someone else saying that cards are out on display fkr people to look at....yes to look at the picture on the outside not to pick them up and read the nessages!!!

Take-away point 1: it might not be her culture, it might be just her.
Takeaway point 2: I disagree with Hetty58 - we all need to adapt to each other, fine, but we don’t need to be doormats.
Takeaway point 3: there is no harm in answering intrusive questions with a cheerful “nothing to discuss” or, if push comes to shove, “none of your business, love” said with a smile and a hug

Perhaps DIL doesn't realise that what she's doing could be interpreted as being rude? If she isn't aware of this she may be behaving the same way in other people's homes and unwittingly causing offence where none is intended and that would be a real shame because she sounds a nice woman. It might be kind if you could find a way to gently explain to her.

For the PC credential badge wearers: if someone, whether a family member, friend or visitor, is behaving in a way that makes you uncomfortable when they're in your home, your perfectly entitled to say so. You shouldn't be barred from feeling that way just because of their culture or colour of the skin. That's doing no one any favours.

That’s nothing compared to our Sil. He has searched our bedroom when we were out and stole the card inside our video camera, he also searched through our personal papers and looked through our bank statements and looked through the text messages on my phone. I know all this because we suspected it was him doing other things so my husband set up a secret camera. The problem is if we confronted him as the nosy liar we know him to be, it would cause a big bust-up in the family and we could end up not seeing our grandchildren and upsetting our daughter who we have not told what he has done. We now lock our bedroom door when we go out. They keys to our house to check it when we are away.

Rifling through cards which are on display and asking who is this who is that does not seem intrusive - pretty normal for a member of the family
I wouldn’t like that, I wouldn’t say anything but I wouldn’t like it.

I worked with a girl like this - she was Thai and just blunt - if it was in her head then it was out of her mouth. My favourites were “I saw you in your car - you look so pretty through the windows and I can’t see how fat you are” another was “Oh, your home is very classy - I didn’t expect that”
There were loads more to all the staff but she was kind and efficient in other ways and would do anything for anyone. We just laughed and accepted it. Try to focus on the good bits.

When I was in India on holiday, the tour guide explained about the different caste system. The daily paper had those looking for love. The man wanted the lady to have a degree, be able to cook and clean house. Those with degrees had servants to do that ? I was asked many questions about my life style, how much I earned etc. I gave my tuk tuk driver 500 rupee note for 2 of us back to the hotel. I had nothing smaller. Keep the change I said. He smiled as it would feed his family for 2 weeks. The cost about £5.50. I learnt so much about different cultures that week. Your DIL is probably the same ?‍♀️

What do you mean by rifles through personal belongings?
Do you mean shuffles papers looking to extract a book or magazine from the middle of a pile (as you would have to do here!) or do you mean opening drawers and deliberately poking around specifically to look at personal items?

It is your ex’s place to speak to her about what happens in his home. You only need to address what happens in yours. Just say its not acceptable to riffle through personal stuff.

Rifling through cards which are on display and asking who is this who is that does not seem intrusive - pretty normal for a member of the family . I might not say the same about an electrician doing a job and looking through them ! As for rifling through personal possessions- depends - going through bedroom drawers or handbags definitely out of order - but a kitchen drawer ?

Different cultures or not extremely rude behaviour from her and I would tell her.

I cannot understand people making excuses for this behaviour, as for the suggestion the ex made the call as an excuse to call OP, word fail me, OP stated her husband has OCD.
Also being nosy and intrusive is unacceptable and needs nipping in the bud, as the poster stated it could cause trouble, as when they stay with the daughter she would crack if she does this in her house.
You don't have to go in all guns blazing with your DIL but she does need telling. If I was visiting people from another culture I would respect their ways. Also if she is intrusive to people outside the family she could get a rude awakening.

"I have married into a British family. My in-laws are secretive and aloof. If I ask about other family members or friends, they look at me coldly and turn away from me. Then later, I hear them murmuring to each other about me. Apart from them being so cold, what are they trying to hide from me?"

How's that for perspective?

She has been in uk a long time so I think it's just the way she is. Everyone has habits that may seem odd to others. Her workmates have her sussed out. Last week one was offering round a plate of biscuits to everyone except her.When she asked why she hadn't been offered one the reply was we didn't think you would eat one, they're only from Asda.

I agree with lemongrove and Layla about the cards. If they are on display they are there to be looked at and there is nothing unusual or rude about that.
It is easy to say 'I don't want to talk about that' and change the subject. It doesn't sound as if it has got to the stage where it is beyond an irritation and we are all irritating sometimes.
Moving things around may be nervousness or just a habit. I'm not keen on people being around when I am cooking anyway but I don't really know anyone who does that. You have to either take the things back from her and ask her to stop doing it or accept it. It seems unkind to collect up criticisms and then confront her so the only way if they are to be dealt with is as they arise.
If these are the worst examples though, it doesn't seem that bad to me given that she makes your son happy and that you don't otherwise dislike her. She sounds interested rather than nosy.

I'm not sure about rifling through personal belongings but other than that I wouldn't have a problem with any if what you describe. My son has married a girl from another culture and her family have asked lots of questions, we were pleased that they wanted to know about our every day lives, likewise we are interested to know about theirs. We are trying to blend into a new family structure, as is your daughter in law. I always look at other people's cards if they are on display, I thought that's what they were for! And kitchens in our family are always full of people commenting on what we eat! I would be pleased that she is kind and interested and trying to get to know you all.

This girl does not know what to do in a British home .She probably has never been told not to touch things even though they are out looking like she could. She has not been told what are considered intrusive questions. Nor has she been given a repertoire of questions to ask. Holidays, weather, etc .
When in Japan if you put your chopsticks down the wrong way it’s really rude. I was glad someone told me!
Your son needs to educate her with some role play.She needs examples
However it’s a bit odd that she had not found out what is expected on a visit, Maybe she actually thinks she can say and do what ever she likes because she is married to your son.