Fussy eating grand daughters

All 6 of my grandchildren are fussy eaters. I do nice meals they don't eat them. Think they just get brought up differently these days with what they eat, usually things like chips and chicken nuggets. I don't make a big deal out of it anymore. Otherwise it becomes a big issue.

Goodness. It seems every day eating has become a bit complicated. I ate everything mum gave me as a child. I have a very small esophogus as confirmed by a Consultant ENT. My son has possibly inherited this. At age 9 months we took him to meet his paternal grand parents abroad who forced him to eat pita bread, causing him to choke (mildly). I felt the need to intervene. And did so. I ran a business from home in Luton and tried a local recommended nursery when he was around two years old. The principal used to give me a plate of roast dinner when I picked him up. Apparently he refused to eat it and she took it personally. She insisted I let him starve until he "gave in"! I gave him chicken nuggets and employed some au pairs. One was only 16 but she had college training and he loved her. An update means I can tell you all we bonded over our weekly trip to Macdonalds on Saturday. We moved to Spain where apart from him becoming fluent in Spanish, he was trained as a chef. We are now back in the UK. He has qualifications as a personal trainer, nutritionist, all of which he has cast aside for a career in TV like his mum. What's apps between us include a boring spag Bol, cottage pie, black garlic and weirdo mushrooms. He was very fussy brought on by people outside his mum and dad. We knew he wouldn't starve and just ignored any funny turns.

I've found the easiest thing to serve fussy eaters is to let them make their own pizzas. Just provide pizza bases and a variety of toppings that they can choose. This also works when there are people who are vegans, nut free, lactose free, gluten free (provide gluten free bases, lactose-free cheese etc). My daughter has done this for children's parties where there have been many allergies, and it has been a great success.

DD (now nearly 55) remembers my mantra of “there’s an apple in the fruit bowl” whenever she said she didn’t like/didn’t want something. It worked even better on her daughter who has never really liked fruit!

Can’t believe the lengths some parents and grandparents will go to over behaviour which will usually pass, especially when there is competition. DH had a tiny appetite except when with his always hungry cousins until adolescence hit, after which he never looked back.

GreenGran78 I think they looked nervous because we were English - it was a very damask tablecloth type of restaurant - once I spoke to them in French and they saw DGD tuck in the atmosphere lifted considerably and then we were shown photos of their grandchildren etc etc. I was thrilled and a little proud.

The more fuss you make, the more fussy they will become. Do what I used to do. Tell them, 'this is what is for dinner'. Put it in front of them. If they don't eat it, remove it without comment.
It used to be ...no main dish, no pudding. The more you pander to them, the worse things will get.

Thanks for your replies. Won’t take refusal of food to heart in future.

Don't get over anxious anxious gran Most of us been there!
I am still there!! got lots of GC and get the same! Don't like this, don't like that. Even when am told they eat it at home!

So what I do is put it out, tell them to eat what they want and leave what they don't want. This they do!

Often after half an hour they will say "I'm hungry" so I offer them the plate they have left? They don't want it...what they want is crisps, chocs, biscuits, ice cream etc... I ignore!

I don't worry about them being hungry because I know they will go home and EAT! or IF they are REALLY hungry they will eat their meal! Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't!

I never worry or get upset about it!

I just remember at Christmas the fuss there was about DGD1 not eating . He DM went mad showing her different things and she wanted none of them . Fast forward to this year she is now 9 and I coud not believe the amount of food she ate . It will pass believe me .

My older grandchildren have always been good eaters. I put it down to the nursery they both went to as babies, which served only vegetarian food. They got used to trying all sorts of different things.
My youngest grandchild aged four is a different matter, but I blame her mother, ( not to her face, of course) who makes such a fuss over her meals. She does not cook, and went in for child led weaning, but I think she must have limited her daughter’s exposure to a narrow choice of foods. The proper meals we offer seem unfamiliar to her. Her mum gives a running commentary on the meal, instead of just letting her get on with what is on offer.
The less notice taken, the better, I feel.

I remember one very fraught day serving up dinner, my youngest, then about eight, said she hated it, so with no discussion I tipped her untouched meal into the bin and we all proceeded to eat our meal. She still remembers it .

My health visitor said 'There are no food fads in poor homes' How right she was! My DD almost drove me insane with her food refusal as a small child, and in the end I just gave her a small plate of a few healthy items, and ignored any complaints, as she would readily eat all the wrong things if given half a chance! I regret so much that I got into a state about it and made mealtimes so tense, but I quickly learned that ignoring the behaviour and not offering anything else worked so well. If the GC start complaining I simply take the plate away, quite calmly and with a smile and say perhaps they would like to sit with us and have a chat?

Maremia

You’re right, I think my husband finds it irritating, when he’s tried to give her what’s she’s asked for, but she not only won’t eat it, but loudly pronounces that it’s disgusting!

We’ve seen her behave the same at home, so it’s not just us, Sometimes her brother may say to me that she hasn’t eaten anything all day, I just say, well I doubt she’ll die if malnutrition in a day, it’s just not worth the battle.

Also, I think she enjoys the fuss and attention, so best to ignore her.

Lots of good advice here. The children are very young, and it could just be a phase. Don't make an issue of it, especially if the parents aren't bothered. Some of the upset on the part of the Poster could be because she has cooked a delicious meal, and therefore feels as 'rejected' as the food. Advice I was given decades ago by a Health Visitor was if your child is awkward at feeding times, offer them ready made meals for a while, so you don't take the rejection personally. Have to admit, this is what I sometimes do with my GDs, who are a wee bit older than these two girls. I buy in their own choice of M&S ready meals, and keep them in the freezer until needed.
So basically, as most of us are saying, don't panic and don't fuss. Enjoy their company while you have it.

I was given smaller portions which I was expected to eat especially when rationing was still around and my own children always ate what they had on their plates and have never been fussy. However the GC are awful eaters and I find this very difficult to handle; their friends who join us eat well so it's not as though I'm poisoning them. The GC seem to just want to eat junk food which we have occasionally as a treat but they seem to take it as the norm. Still, they seem to enjoy coming to us but Grandad is the main attraction - not the food!

Bluebelle

Yes, I can still remember the choking and crying, with my parents getting more and more annoyed.

I’d never attempt to eat chicken in public, because I have this big fear of being unable to swallow it.

Isn’t that funny Sara I couldn’t swallow meat either I can remember it so clearly it would could round and round then get spat out I ve not been much of a meat eater all my life and now only eat a bit of chicken a few times a year if I m out to lunch

We only ever eat a main meal in the middle of the day on the Sundays when DS and Dil come, as they like to have a Sunday lunch, and enjoy it as they don’t do it at home. DiL’s parents do the same.

I want them to all have a nice time when they come here and the children used to enjoy the meals too before the fussiness started, so perhaps I’m just a bit disappointed.

I didn’t make a battleground of mealtimes when my DSs were little, and I’m not going to now, so I’m happy I’ve had so many replies and suggestions. I understand what it’s like to be afraid of eating away from home, so I certainly won’t let it get to that stage.

The meal only takes about 45 mins out of the 4 hours they are here anyway and the rest of the time is lovely. We have great play times and they are lovely children. They aren’t spoilt, share, play together well and are extremely kind children, especially to my 91 yr old father with Alzheimer’s.

Bluebelle

I have similar memories, mainly about meat, which I just couldn’t swallow. I eat very little meat now, but in a restaurant, I’ll never have poultry even, because that panic about not being able to swallow it comes back.

We had our DGDs over Christmas. Aged 8 and 11. Both used to eat well but have now turned fussy. Both eating different things. Younger DGD had plain pasta for Christmas dinner. Their parents have taken the line of if you don’t eat it you won’t get anything else. They’re both very thin. Hopefully its a phase!

I remember sitting in the lunch hall at primary school (for what seemed like hours) missing playtime for refusing to finish my meal.

What did it teach me? A lifelong resentment of authority, an iron will, a determination to never back down - all pretty useful later on!

It didn't teach me to eat up. I never could eat it, but I ate really well at home. The big 'problem' was that I was stick thin, just like all the kids in my family!

Glad your not in my family Frognan poor grandkids

I think by far the best way is to allow them to plate it themselves then leave it all alone if they eat good if they don’t eat fine ...no pressure
I was a dreadful eater as a child and I can remember being fed with ‘here comes a train open the tunnel’ no idea how old I was but I remember meat going round and round in my mouth for what seemed like hours and ending with me quietly spitting it into my hand

I think it’s hard, when you go out of your way to produce a meal they’ve asked for, and it still isn’t right, it’s the wrong type of chips, the sausages are horrible, etc
My husband the main cook, gets a bit frustrated with her, but after ten years, I just don’t think it’s worth a battle, I just say, fine, don’t eat it then.
The two I’ve had this week will eat anything!

My dgd (4) became very fussy at about 2 - before that she’d eat anything. Her mother would always eat anything, and her father’s very unfussy, so I wasn’t expecting it.

Gds is not quite as bad.

However when they’re with me, I just give them what I know they like - I can’t be doing with food hassles. Left to themselves and not forced, or mealtimes made a ‘thing’ of, I dare say they’ll grow out of it. They usually need to eat earlier than grown up dinner so it’s not a big deal - we hardly ever have big cooked meals at lunchtime anyway.

A younger sister of mine was incredibly fussy - I used to sit for hours, trying to coax her, and she’s still v picky at over 60, so I dare say it wasn’t the best way.

I think that there are lots of ways to deal with this and some good suggestions here. What is important is not to allow meal times to become a battle ground. Young children need to find their feet and find their place in the family – and society in general – and trying to be in control is one of those things they explore. As adults tend to be quite concerned about eating properly, healthily and regularly, children can perceive meal times as a productive battle ground. Accept that there are certain things that they don't like – there are certain things adults dislike – and just go ahead. If they don't eat anything, that's okay. They will eat something else later. But, whatever you do, don't plead, don't look worried.