Partner puts his 30 year old son before me

My ex has been married three times since we split up and the first two insisted on being put before our dd. Should he split up with the current one who is lovely, I don't think our adult dd would be too impressed if someone he had only been seeing for a short time came before her.

Do you really think he should not see his daughter because her visit will coincide with your birthday?

My friend who is 62 and divorced met a man who is 74 they went on hols together and had a good time and day trips. The age gap was too much as she was looking for a relationship he would be 80 in 6 years and she would be 68 she said she did not want to end up being a carer for him in old age so she finished with him. They didn’t live together she wants someone in their 60s but not much older. You have to think of future best u find someone under 60

At 70 years old what does he have that you at only 55 could not find in some one nearer you own age.You are not living together so what is it that brings you to this guy.?

Perhaps he feels his 96 year old father hasn't got much longer alive.

Regarding his son, do you get on with the son? Is it not possible for you to see your partner and him together?

It's tricky. He sounds like a decent man.

55 and 70 is fine. It could be harder when it's 65 and 80.

Blood relations are more important than non-bloods (so to speak). You can't spread his genes. I think you just have to accept that.

How life works.

Sounds to me like you won't be together at Easter let alone August! I'm 57 & my husband is 70 this year. A word of caution - if you end up living together, you may find he's VERY set in his ways & you'll be even more frustrated with him! P.S, do you want a holiday buddy? Lol

I agree with others this relationship of yours isn’t perhaps what you want or expected The chap sounds as if he has all he needs with his Dad and son who he loves so he has a great little group to go out and about and socialise with Its unfortunate his daughter is coming your birthday weekend but it’s not his fault it’s happened the same weekend
I don’t think they sound as if they live in each other’s pockets but when they do get a chance to be together they take it
I don’t think you sound awful but I do think you sound a total mismatch he isn’t going to put a year old PART TIME relationship over his Dad, his daughter and his son is he let’s be realistic No mention of love on either side

I think he just sees you as a good friend, possibly with benefits, and nothing more. My OH and I have been together for 7 years, we both have children and grandchildren and his parents are still alive. We have always agreed that family comes first when required but we always consult one another and each of us is included in any plans the other makes with their respective family.

If your partner can't consider you in a reasonable way, show him the door!

Different people have different priorities, regardless of age. I have kids living in the UK and kids living abroad. I put them first. My husband of 40 plus years understands that and accommodates it. I certainly wouldn't put any other person ahead of my kids...ever. As a couple, my husband and I have a great social life, but not all of it spent together. Ive spent a week in France with my daughter and a close friend. My husband has driven down to the South of France with a friend, my suggestion and they had a great time. Maybe don't take your friends decision to spend time with his son and father as a slight on you. Maybe expecting to be the most important person in your friends life is not attainable. Certainly after a year when you are friends, not living together is a huge ask.

His father is96 .... of course he wants to spend as much time with him as he can..... you need to take a back seat for now..... if you can’t I think you need to re-think locking yourself in to a man who is gonna become a bit of a liability sooner than you think. And you have no ‘past’ with him ,to shore you up.!

I agree that a 15 year age gap is too much - your partner has 15 years of family life on you and he's not going to throw away all his routine for a much younger woman he's only been with for twelve months. Look at the quality of your relationship, you say you want him to be jealous - he fact that he isn't should tell you something. It's convenient for him to have a younger woman, he may get a kick out of it at the same time but in reality that's where it ends. As someone who is 70 I can tell you that he's not looking to make great changes to his family relationships and if you make him choose you may be very sadly disappointed. As far as your birthday goes, I would simply say how lovely it is that it will give his daughter a chance to join you all and see where his loyalties lie.

I fail to see what you mean when you say their relationship is not healthy, so a father spending time with his son for however long is not healthy in your eyes, solely I presume because you want to see more of him, I really think you should discuss things with your friend,

For your birthday, I would arrange to be away with a friend if none of your family are available.
I think that your boyfriend (to me a partner is of longer standing than a year, and also sharing the same house, possibly) sees your relationship differently from what you do, maybe as more of a caring friendship than anything and I think you need to either accept the way things are, or really decide if you are happy with his attitude and accept it as it is, or need to hang on,and see if things change, or cut your losses and move on.
Oh, and don't, whatever you do , go down the path to try and make him jealous or possessive - it will usually turn around and slap you in the face!

I think that after a year you should have some idea of where this relationship is going. Do you want to be committed? Does he? Are you happy to let things drift? I think from what you are saying it's quite likely that he adult son will be part of the package. How do you feel about this? Maybe it's possible you could sound him out, or perhaps you already have an inkling?

I agree a year really isn't very long. He has known his son for 30 years and his father all his life. I would be surprised if he did put you first at this stage. I would certainly put my children and grandchildren before a man I had only been seeing for a year.
He sounds like a lovely famiky man but do you think you and he maybe have different expectations for what you want from the relationship?
Perhaps a conversation about what you both want would be a good idea.

I think maybe you need to integrate into his family a bit more, if they were your children you would be doing it all together. I would always put my children's needs before my husbands and so would my husband honestly and we have been together for our entire adult lives x

Grandma100 Please grow up. There are 100s of people on here who would love to have the sort of relationship that your partner has with his family.

What are you doing with a 70 year old anyway? Are there no 55 year old's around? When one reaches one's 70's the body starts to get fragile and takes longer to heal. My DH had shingles nearly a year ago and is still suffering from the pain. I fell over about 5 weeks ago, hurting my ribs and core muscles badly and still have slight twinges. (We're both 73). Some days he just has to sit and deal with the pain. Other days he's OK. But it's something that we need to get used to and to tolerate.

You say that you want him to be possessive. What exactly does that mean? Yesterday my friend (mid 60's) was talking about her husband - she has several friends, he has only a few and he moans that she is not paying him enough attention!

I wouldn't think much of a man who put a friend before his children, even adult children.
You are not living together so I wouldn't have thought the term partner was applicable.

A year at our time of life
Of course none of us know what the future holds but 55 is young.

The best thing you can do is try to make as good a relationship with his children as possible if you really want this frienship to continue and develop.

Otherwise you could start making a social life separately from your friend. Who knows, you could meet someone who is more compatible.

Families always come with baggage. My relationship with my OH has always been clear - his son came first in his life and my children first in mine. Sometimes it is difficult but the children existed before the relationship and deserve our loyalty.

My ex has been married three times since we split up and the first two insisted on being put before our dd. Should he split up with the current one who is lovely, I don't think our adult dd would be too impressed if someone he had only been seeing for a short time came before her.

Do you really think he should not see his daughter because her visit will coincide with your birthday?

I agree with the others about his lack of commitment to you, but it is early days.

I think dragonfly is right. He doesn't sound fully committed to you, you are just part of his life. So treat him the same way.

I think the problem also is that as you are working Easter is one of the only times you can get away. If you were retired like him you could go away any time and life would be easier. He obviously doesn't see this and of course it is tradition the three men spend Easter together. I see nothing wrong with that.

It is unfortunate that his daughter is visiting on your birthday weekend but that is surely just coincidence. It is probably the only time she can come.

I would arrange to go away with friends, family and make a life apart from him and just enjoy the times you do have together. You say he is happy with you going away on your own so maybe that is going to be the tone of the relationship, that you both maintain your independence.

Thing is you have chosen a family orientated man, you don’t live together, So he’s not seeing you as top priority his AC are. You have to think is this relationship going to lead to anything more permanent, it’s a bit of an age gap, you need to talk to him, I’m not saying that age gaps don’t work of course, but you don’t seem to be on the same page to me, you won’t know what’s happening until you communicate, maybe he doesn’t want the same sort of relationship that you are looking for. But I would have thought that in 12 months you would know this, reading through your post again i think if it was me I’d be getting on with my life. I don’t think he’s going to be as you put it a little possessive

You say his son lives with him when not away at Uni. So that is his home. You don't live with him. You are the one who is not 'committed'.
Make the most of enjoying his company, and keep looking. 55 is no age these days, and there are plenty more fish in the sea.