Am I right to put up with all of this?

Dec46 is spot on.
Iv`e been there done that got the t/shirt then divorced him after over 30 years of marriage and never looked back.

He won't change. Get out whilst you still can. You're worth more than this.

I can't add to all the good advice here. Just to add act on it...now!

My friend had this for years he as nice and charming to me and her other friends but b...... behind closed doors. I got her a solcs and one night she loaded up the car and moved in rented place. Then got half his pension and half the house and bought a flat she happy now at peace and has met a decent man who shops for her and cooks nice meals but they don’t live together mental cruelty it was

I think deep down you already know the answer! You need to get out. You are worth more. As for your son? He's 28, not a baby. You need to confide in him. My son is a similar age - I and I would really get it in the neck if he thought I had held back something like this. Prep your ground first though. Be aware of finances and choices that you have. Get an escape fund up together to tide you over if/when you decide to leave. Best of luck.

Londonwifi. Have you spoken to anyone yet - your son, Women's Aid, a solicitor? You really should put things in motion and start to plan for your future. I've found that writing everything down on paper, his behaviour, your feelings, his friends' attitude etc. helps towards taking the next step. You really owe it to yourself to get away from this appalling situation. Being on your own is not necessarily the same as being lonely. You are lonely in this relationship. You are young enough at 65 to make a new, enriching life for yourself. Please take the first step towards it. Best wishes to you.

"I so don’t want to be alone but I can’t see any other way unless I confide in his best friend who seems approachable, he is a homeopath, he might have some suggestions."

The last person you should confide in!

Your priority is to look after yourself. You don't need this terrible man. You don't even like him.

When you find someone you do like, still remember your priority is yourself.

Could you go and stay with your DS?

Please leave. Women’s Aid will help you. I left a controlling husband after a very long marriage, mine escalated into violence, be very careful about what you say before you leave but get out. I am in my 60’s and have a lovely new life. Your son will support you if you talk to him, my daughters were outraged and were wonderful to me. You mention his friends do you have any of your own?

It's one thing to be polite, quite another to put up w/ abusive behavior. I wouldn't stop being polite and considerate, etc. ordinarily. But if someone is rude or hurtful, please call them out on it. Even just a simple, "What could you possibly have meant by that?" might suffice. H's cruel "joke" should have been met w/ the silent treatment or something of that sort. No matter if he expected you to act as if nothing happened. He needs to know he can't have that.

But mostly, I agree you need to develop a life outside of him and a circle of good friends. Also, I agree you need to seek legal and psychological counsel - w/ the aim of getting out of this situation. Please remember, also, we're here for you!

Meanwhile, my deepest condolences on the loss of your dear sibling. Also, sorry about your parents' dementia. And very sorry you are in this abusive situation. Hugs!

Good luck, Sandy! I'll pm you, Londonwifi x

I think you should talk to your son, mine was the same age when I divorced my second husband. He managed to be very supportive to me without ever taking sides. He works for the same company as the ex and still talks to him in passing but the ex has lost a fabulous step son who he thought more of than his own kids, his loss. I never wanted him to take sides but he was a sounding board throughout, kept me on track to see the whole thing through without making outrageous demands etc. Get legal advice, get proof of your husbands income and investments etc if any and see a solicitor. Do it, I've never regretted it.

You are in an abusive relationship. Please get professional help and get rid of this pig. You just cannot go on like this.

Good luck, Sandy!

Good luck Sandy

Londonwifi looking at your posts you dont get on with your husbands friends and family .......same as me!!!and are unhappy follow your own advice if u cannot go now plan and go in the future I've pm you and appreciate not everyone likes to pm but here if u need to rant good luck and get planning xxx

I saw your responses you see exact same situation btw my removal van is booked!!!I'll pm u xxx

Ok Sandy2020

Please google my threads and msg me I'm in exactly same situation

www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

Again, I don't want to bang on about narcissism, but it may be worth reading, just because it can be an eye opener, if nothing else.

Everyone so kind on here. You have so spurned me on.

The Charm Syndrome - type this into Amazonbooks and it will give you a list as long as your arm, of books about controlling and dangerous men.
Please ring Women's Aid tomorrow and get away from this horrible man.
You have all of us behind you now!

Londonwifi, I'm sure you're frightened- But as we age it doesn't get any easier on the "brain", and someone who already has a history of aggressive behavior like your husband could lose his temper and potentially harm you- Simply put, living in fear is no way to grow old-

I do believe, sincerely, that people will attempt to take advantage of kind-hearted individuals- But the kindest of individuals won't let them, because they've learned to be kind to themselves first, and won't allow others to take advantage of them-

Good luck going forward

You could very well be right there Phoenix.

Although there seems to be a current trend to label things, I'm getting the "narcissist" bell ringing, especially with regard to the fact so many other people find him "charming".