Husband told adult daughter he loves her

I think this is a generation thing. My daughter often says this in texts etc. My DH can't stand anything gooey and sentimental but he does put the rubbish out each week. Not one for flowers but then he's from New Zealand with Scottish ancestry.
How racist is that!

My mom never ever said it to me, however tells my children alllllllll the time.
I do tell my dp I'm grateful and I love him and I do. My children, I tell them too.
Maybe my Mom didn't say it became I'm the black sheep, but upon reflection I don't remember the golden child being told either.
I know my maternal grandma told me and my mom, and Grandad when he was with us.
I guess some people feel embarrassed to discuss their emotions as though it a weakness?

Could it be, Redsmudgy, that your daughter said it to him at the end of the phone call and he was just repeating it, as one does?

Certainly galling. But maybe you should just start saying it to him when going out without him (or vice versa) 'Bye, love you!' or at bedtime....

TrendyNannie6, these days he's grateful for any attention he gets from me at all.

Same here Gillybob. Never heard it as a child myself and I don't want my DC and GC to grow up with the same memory.

I can’t remember my parents ever telling my sister and I that they loved us and I don’t think they ever said it to each other either , although I know they did love each other .

I am the opposite . Always tell my DH, children and GC that I love them . For me it’s important that they know .

And I bet he secretly likes to be pinned in the corner of the kitchen Gagajo. Mine would lol

I think maybe it’s easier for some men to say love you at the end of a phone call, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you redsmudgy, I can understand you feeling hurt if he’s never said it to you in 49 years,but as others have said actions speak louder than words, I find it unusual he didn’t say I love you at all though, but do you ever say it to him?

When I was first with my bloke (8 or 9 months in), I asked him if he loved me. I'd told him ages before, which for me, was my way of saying 'we're in a proper relationship now.' To my shock he said, 'I am very fond of you.' I said nothing at the time, but after I got home that evening, I dumped him. I also sent him a very nice letter explaining why. He'd previously told me he took a long time to love someone, but there are limits. Almost a year was definitely long enough.

I was very upset about our needing to split up, but was getting on with it. Until the phone calls started coming from him again, ending in a long, late night call ending in the three little words.

He said it pretty regularly after that, but over the years it's dwindled. At times, I pin him in the corner in the kitchen, and force him to say it. LOL. Poor old sod.

I find it hard to say, as does my DH, but our actions towards each other show our love . I think to say it too much cheapens it tbh .

I think that is really sad. Surely he must have said it in the early days of your relationship? How did he propose? Do you say it to him? My dad was a sailor, he died while his ship was in Canada when I was 18. I don't remember the last time I saw him, or if I even said goodbye, I was probably on my way to school. Consequently I always tell my husband I love him, probably several times a day, and ALWAYS when he or I leave each other to go go anywhere , and he does the same. And always with a hug and a kiss. I would tell him that you love him and ask him why he never tells you that he does the same. He has probably never even realised he doesn't say it.

Perhaps the thing to ponder Redsmudgy is how many people say those words freely, but mean anything but?

I know it's a cliche, but actions DO speak louder than words. If someone behaves towards you in a loving way, isn't that what matters?

After such a brilliantly long time to be together you have both shown how loving you are. For many people it is the actions and not the words.

He's a man. My husband is much the same. Just self conscious and a bit reserved. We've been married for 40 years and he's never said he loves me. Except during the first year or so... I don't say it to him either. But I know he loves me and I love him. No need to keep saying it, and people just become comfortable with each other and it's a given. We don't say it to our daughter either, or her to us. In fact she would be very embarrassed if we started that. But we are all very close and it doesn't need stating. People often say it without even thinking, and it isn't always sincere. You could try giving him a card on his next birthday or wedding anniversary and just write on it that you still love him very much "even after 49 years" or something. See how he reacts to that?

I have a friend with an adult son who she speaks to several times a day. At the end of the conversation they both say I love you
Which I think is a tad excessive.

Unfortunately, those words don’t come easily to me, so I never say it.
It’s probably because I was never told that as a child.
Also, my age group didn’t say things like that.
My daughter on the other hand says it to my four year old gs all the time and I do like to hear them saying it, but I feel embarrassed if I try to utter those words.

My DH and I rarely said those three little words. Then when he received his diagnosis we found ourselves saying it several times a day to each other, they were the last words he said to me.

Tell him you love him, as one day you may not be able to

Yes, it’s normal for him to say he loves his daughter, but how have you got this far without it being said to you? Do you tell him you love him? You must have said something to each other in the early days. Talk about it now while you still can.

Jealous of his love for your daughter
When you have had him for 49 years
Yes
YABU big time
Perhaps he is just thinking she will be chosing his care home ...

MissA, they were living abroad at the time and he was the love of her life. She came home and they divorced.
He went on to marry three more times, though when inevitably all broke down, tried to get back with my friend, who very sensibly showed him the door.

you know what kind of person he is.
could you write him a note to say how much you love him, and appreciate all the care and support he has shewn you all the years, and indeed the faithfulness.
such a long marriage is rare indeed, esp now when divorce is no longer frowned upon.
maybe send it in the post to him, and arrange to be out when it arrives, but not for long, in case he gets worried.

Please do not worry, my partner never says this to me, but when I have needed him he has always been there, does alot for me, and once bought me a present which took him alot of time on trains because the only store that had one was miles away.
Words may not be said but deeds count.

I agree with BlueBelle. It is common to say it at the end of a phone call and often it has no depth. It is like saying "have a nice day". I dislike hearing it because to me it sounds insincere.Love is shown by actions rather than words in my opinion.

I'm quite envious of people who can freely say it.

I remember I told my elder daughter in a text once that I loved her. (Think I must have been missing her) Next thing she was on the phone to younger daughter asking if I was ok. I think she thought I was dying.