Husband told adult daughter he loves her

I remember my sister a few years back hugging our dad in his 80s and telling him, she loved him, no need for all that he said, I know! Some people are not comfortable with worfs but demonstrate their love I'm other ways. My hubby rubs my back and bring me a cuppa when I need one, he too tends to keep it in but we love each other and we know too.

Monica - you have given a perfect description of my own family

After reading this thread, I can't get the song More than Words out of my head.

www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJzj4tFP1zcsNjAtNqjIqDJgBAAfYgQT&q=more+than+words&oq=more+than+eords&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j46j0.7933j0j8&client=tablet-android-samsung&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

I come from a family where those three little words were used. They were never “thrown around” the way they are now but held as special, deep, personal and sincere. I hate hearing them on phone calls though confess I do always repeat them back to those I do love, such as my family. I think they are said too soon, too often and too freely these days and are losing their unique potency. I think maybe this is what has happened to the OP’s husband. The daughter has said it and he has simply repeated it back. After all, it would be odd not to when you do love someone.

I’m sure I’ll be shot down in flames for this but I prefer to use them with meaningful hugs, in times where strength is required, in times of great joy, great sorrow, illness or really happy times. They are not “three little words” to me. They are three very big words, used always carefully to retain their magic.

Acts of love though, the small proofs of love every day, the physical shows of affection these are natural and the stuff of life.

The words, for me, are for something else. I expect your husband feels a bit like this. If you and he love each other and you need to hear the words, maybe he needs to know this? Say them yourself and see what he says.

?

IME, men are often like this, they can say things to/do things for their DDs they don't/can't/won't do for their DWs. My own otherwise very loving DH is often guilty of this. IDK if it's the different way they see the two relationships or what. It's understandable that it bothered you in the moment. But I don't think it means anything negative about your relationship w/ him. IMO, you need to let it go.

My father never said the words "I love you" to my mum but he did show that he loved her.

Before being admitted to hospital one last time he said goodbye and "I love you" to my mum. She realised then that she would never see him again... He passed away a day later. ?

Deeds not words. My parents were not expressive physically or verbally. They never said they loved us, or often kissed us except when going to bed, but when I look back on my childhood. I can see that the greatest gift they gave us was the absolute security of knowing that they would never let us down, that no matter what we did, however terrible, we could turn to them and be sure of help, Simply, they loved us and always would. They just weren't the kind of people to say so, but we got the message.

How can yo be married over 40 years and your husband never tell you he loves you
I have been married 38 years and every day my husband tell me he loves me.He sends me text messages on with i love you

Tell him you feel hurt by him not saying it to you. Our generation are not the most demonstrative and I have to make a point of saying it to my gc. My dad never once said it to me and my mum only when she was very old and I was looking after her.

I remember 3 years ago when my dad was sat on the side of his bed waiting for the ambulance to come to take him into hospital as he was very ill. My Mum went and sat beside him to comfort him, she told him how much she loved him and all he said was I know you do. I felt really sad as he never said it back to her. He died 8 days later and they had been married 61 years.

It’s not something we say anymore but we are together, supporting each other in the demands of live, talking, laughing and moving forward. Deed is worth more than words sometimes.

I use 'darling' too @hollysteers
....safer too now as I sometimes have to go through all the family before I get the right name....

Lovely, Oldwoman70

many people say it automatically .... ‘love you‘ and obviously there’s no depth to it

What A bizarre judgment, how on earth would you know?

“Love you” in a phone call is rather different to I love you face to face. It’s used all the time now, and I do it with my children.
I had very little affection growing up, rather more violence so expressions of love would have been astonishing. As others have said, it’s also a generational thing and I don’t agree that its used too much. We need love. I did as a child and never got it. It leaves a mark.
Before my husband died, we often said it and was glad to be able to repeat it and have his reply before he slipped into his final coma. I also call everyone on my family darling, which amuses my granddaughter, as no one else uses the term!

I recently listened to my DIL give my DS hell on the phone which he eventually got a bit impatient about. At the end of the call they both said, “Love you,” as if nothing had been wrong. I laughed out loud much to the astonishment of my son.

Not unreasonable Redsmudgy, because our feelings are what they are, but because this has bothered you I would encourage you to simply be honest with your husband. There's no harm in saying to him that you know it to be true that he loves you, but just occasionally you would like him to say the words.

My mother freely told me that if abortion had been legal when she found she was pregnant with me, I would never have been born. She has never told me she loves me and I don't believe she ever did. (In fairness she has never told any of my siblings she loves them either.)

My husband and I were friends for a long time before we started going out together as a couple and it then took him quite a while before he told me he loved me. I knew that was because he needed to be absolutely sure of his feelings as giving words to our love would inevitably mean a lifetime of commitment. When he did get around to saying the words, it wasn't long after that he proposed to me.

When your DH said 'I love you' to your DD, isn't it possible that he was responding when she said just the same?

Actions speak louder than words. My husband tells me every day that he loves me but it’s so automatic it’s like saying ‘how are you,’ and not expecting or wanting an answer.

Many of us aren't demonstrative which doesn't mean that we don't feel things very keenly - we're just not in the habit of saying 'I love you' out loud - that's all.
There are different, more practical ways of demonstrating love in a relationship - keeping the family together, making a home, being there, etc.
We don't behave like romantic figures but if we do say something we really mean it instead of a casual throw away comment. Don't be too sad OP, you can't have everything. If you're happy in other ways and you care for each other that is something to celebrate.

say it in the dark in bed then even if you or he are embarrassed by it you wont see it.Though why anyone would feel embarrassed to tell a loved one they love them surprises me .I tell my OH every day and he tells me.The last words my dad said to my mum was I love you ..and he .was just going to buy fish for dinner ,he didn't know he would die at the shops .If its important to you make it happen

That might be due to the fact you’re in Switzerland GagaJo at present!
?

Yes Chewy. Like you I was determined that my children would be brought up VERY differently to the way my sister and I were. My parents were very cold and I have no memory of hugs, kisses or expressions of love and affection.

I think you need to pluck up the courage and ask your DH if he loves you Redsmudgy . Tell him that you love him very much (assuming you do of course) and although you appreciate how good he is to you, it would be nice if sometimes he could say “the words” .

I have always told my DC and DGC.
I have a 23 month old DGGD
she was visiting with her mum and grannie [my dd] yesterday.
I haven’t been to well better now but didn’t want to give her a hug just in case so she blow? me a kiss and said I love you Gigi that’s her name for me GGrannie.
I was really touched as she doesn’t say much.
everyone stopped what they were doing and just stared at for a moment we were all shocked as she is so young and only see’s
us every now and again.
It was a lovely moment. We are a very close family and I think like someone else has said I was the black sheep because I wasn’t a boy so never got told anyone loved me so I and my husband have always told our children and grandchildren and each that we love them so we assumed our dggd had heard us, but who knows what goes through a toddler’s mind.

I often just give Mr B a hug and say I love u lots. He does the same. Its not every day or all the time just now and again.

Redsmudgy Can I ask if you tell him you love him? If not then perhaps if you say it he will say it back - try it.