Is it a bad idea to share my home with daughter and family?

I would want to keep my independence absolutely.

Thing is no matter how much you get along with each other now you never know what the future brings.

The only way I could see this working is if you both have your own entrances, accommodation within the same property.

Surely you don't want to be clearing up and doing domestic duties every day.

It's good to be part of your families life but not be completely dependent on them for your life's happiness.

NannyEm, this might help:
www.clarkewillmott.com/news/wills-inheritance-tax-and-adult-children-living-at-home/

NannyEm, have you had legal advice about this? I imagine if your son is a co-owner they could not make you sell your house. Also, there might be other safeguards for dependent residents like your son. The Citizens' Advice might possibly help you.

My youngest daughter, her husband and two small girls and myself did this nearly two years ago now. I moved from a beautiful bungalow with lovely sea views to south London! For school cachement reasons we were limited in areas we could move to. We have an agreement whereby they pay all the bills and the mortgage etc and I contribute by paying for new appliances (e.g. dishwasher, boiler etc) when necessary. It works for us. I have an en suite bedroom and sitting room on ground floor but we share the kitchen. I do most of the cooking, but we shop together and I keep the ground floor clean. I was able to give my two other children the same amount I contributed to this house so there was no acrimony. We all get on very well, and my DD and SIL are quite prepared to care for me if it becomes necessary. My DD will not return to work until the youngest granddaughter starts school so we are company for each other during the day.
I would say go for it as there are advantages for both sides and if you like each other and are prepared to compromise on some things it will work.
Good luck!

I don’t have experience of this and good advise already given.
My first thoughts reading your post is, you are fairly recently widowed so I would suggest you give more time to find yourself rather than live through your families life’s. Do you have hobbies or adventures that you want to fulfil. Do you want to be full time runaround for child care. Once this decision has been made it will be unsettling and difficult to reverse it.So I would suggest give it time and write a for’s and against list as you have a lovely relationship that you don’t want to upset. Good luck

My son lives with me because he can't afford to live on a disability pension. It worries me what would happen if I suddenly had to go into a nursing home and had to sell my house to pay for care.

In my experience those people who are concerned about becoming a nuisance to their families very rarely do become a problem. My own parents-in-law worry about this, but don't really grasp the notion that it would be (is) a privilege to have the opportunity to mirror back to them the care and concern they have always shown me.

One of my neighbour's moved into her mother's home in the exact scenario you have described NannaBanana and it has worked out wonderfully for everybody. In the mother's later years her daughter found it far easier to care for her than if she had had to visit from elsewhere and they maintained a very warm and positive relationship right up until the mother's death a couple of years ago.

I am sorry for your loss Nanna, I am just wondering if things are moving a bit fast. Its lovely that you get on with the family and it was great that you could stay with them but this is very different from living in the same house week in year out, even if it is large. Your SIL may have been on his best behaviour however kind but can see the advantages to his family. You were already thinking of moving, did you have somewhere you wanted to go? If you want to be near your DD it might be much better for you having your own home and privacy. There are so many what ifs and you are a young widow, in short order the GC won't need looking after. I would be very wary tying yourself down at present.

So sorry for your loss Nanna
I'd say it depends on how 'big' your house is and how it's configured.
Ideally, your family would keep their house and rent it for a year to see how it goes. Its independence and an investment.
If it works, I'd get a good architect in to see how you could make it perfect and some privacy for all you could perhaps do that now.

Having looked at many properties earlier in our lives, and seeing friends' housework, it a.azed me what a good architect can do, not necessarily doing anything huge.
You are all very fortunate to have got on together. Also, they were very kind to have you for extended stays. Good luck ♥️

Aside from the practical and financial issues: Are you an extrovert, a 'people person' - if you are and the other issues are clear, then just maybe. If you are not - you can act 'people person' but the day will come when you just want to be yourself...

Would they be able to afford their own home if they could sell their house and move close to you if you downsized and made a good profit on your house and then gave or loaned them that profit money to add to theirs.

I'm a fan of multi-generational households- But they're not for everyone-

Personally I wouldn`t.
If you have a large house and it`s possible to divide it that may work as you would be more like neighbours and MAY work.

So sorry for your loss Polnan

And sorry for your loss also, NannaBanana-

From my experience three generations in one house is not a good idea.
I don’t know how this would work legally but if your daughter is your only child and would like to live in your house, could you let her have your house and the money they make from their home would be used to buy you a smaller house in an area with public transport and near to a hospital and shops within walking distance.
I would definitely say,please don’t do it.

I stayed with her after my bereavement on and off for about six months. I really enjoyed helping with the children, taking them to nursery, and I kept myself busy doing household tasks like washing, tidying, cooking an evening meal. She and her partner both said it was a godsend having me there. Of course, I made myself scarce in the evening so they had time together.

The above may be what they're considering- But how you conduct yourself in your own home is different:

I had my father living with me and my husband for ten years, and it was an absolute nightmare! I always swore I would never move in with my children.

You moving in with them is different than them moving in with you- They may be expecting to move in with the mother that moved in with them instead of the daughter whose father moved in with her-

I wouldn't consider it for a minute if I were you.

I foresee potential difficulties:

What do you do if you find it unsatisfactory, but your daughter and son want to continue the arrangement?

How does a joint household affect your pension, income tax?

How will it affect your daughter's inheritance if you are living together when you die?

What will happen if you need to go into care?

Sorry to be blunt, but these things have to be considered.

Do you really want to have 3 generations of the family under one roof?

Would you not prefer to do your own thing while you still can?

polnan, sorry for your loss-

A friend of ours bought the larger family home from her mum, who in turn bought her daughters smaller home close by. It was a win win for them all

Don't do it!

Instead, make your place a "special place" for your family, where the grandkids can have a room specially for them when they come to stay, the whole family can come and stay, but you keep your peace at other times. It's not just their physical presence full time, but the mess that any family make, the noise of teenagers, etc. etc. The only other solution is to use the money from their house to build an annexe onto your place, or extend it so you each have your own spaces which can be completely separate. Maybe convert the garage, the loft, or build into the garden. Be sure to agree some rules in writing and sort out the legalities of shared ownership.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Is she your only child? My uncle moved his family in with my grandparents. It worked out fine but, when they died, obviously they left the house to him. My mother was very upset as she got nothing.

I think the idea of your DD renting out their house is a good one. They need to employ a letting agency who will deal with all the legalities. Just make sure all ground rules are in place before they move in. Good luck!

How you are your father related seems to be a bad predictor of how you and your daughter's family relate.

Your idea of splitting the accommodation seems to me to be excellent. Her living in your house seems a super idea.

It would however be even better if you and the other adults concerned sat down and talked without embarrassment about the pros and cons. of future arrangements, especially how you will share the bills , and how you will maintain privacy.