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Children living away from home is Not the same as being Childless

(13 Posts)
Dec46 Fri 20-Mar-20 14:32:41

I have been very upset by a poster on another thread telling me that her cicumstances,living alone but with AC living less than 100 miles away,are the same as me,living alone with no children or family at all.
When my Mother was alive I lived at some distance away but was at the end of a phone to help if needed.Just a phone call can be a huge help.Being Childless hurts more the older I get not less.
I can't imagine the pain of being an estranged parent but know it must be very ,very difficult to cope with.

sodapop Fri 20-Mar-20 15:55:16

I'm sorry you are feeling so down Dec46 people can be thoughtless in their comments.

It's at times like this when we need the support of family and friends. There are volunteer groups springing up to help older people where necessary if you need assistance.
Keep posting on here there are always kinder people to chat to.

AGAA4 Fri 20-Mar-20 16:03:41

Dec46. I can understand how hard this must be for you. I wish I could offer you some comfort. Sending flowers
Keep in touch on Gransnet.

morethan2 Fri 20-Mar-20 16:57:29

flowers and a big ((((((hug)))))) Most of us don’t mean to hurt or dismiss anyone’s suffering. If we are so wrapped up in our own pain we can forget that other people also have their sorrows and sadness.

Dec46 Fri 20-Mar-20 17:29:46

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Sadly the older we get a lot of close friends have also gone too.
Normally I am fine but we aren't living in normal times at present.

crazyH Fri 20-Mar-20 17:46:33

Dec46 I am so sorry you have been hurt by insensitive words.
We have a group of friends (F) who go out weekly for a meal. One of them has no children. And I am very conscious, when the talk turns to family. But there's another lady, who constantly talks about her children and grandchildren to the point where our childless friend has decided to pull out of our weekly jaunt. It must hurt so much...
Fortunately. it's a poster who said this- you don't have to meet her or socialise with her. Some people have no social skills or sensitivities.
Why don't you join a Seniors' Social Group. Get in touch with AgeUK. They will help you flowers

ValerieF Fri 20-Mar-20 22:26:07

Aww Dec46. I understand what you are saying BUT I think having children doesn't necessarily mean you have somebody there for you! Just ask the many who don't see their children.

Being without friends is probably harder to bear than being without children.

I don't know your circumstances but please try to get out and about and join in things. Any things that interest you. I have several 'childless' friends who thoroughly enjoy life doing what they want. Being a parent CAN bring lots of other problems too! Don't imagine that ALL parents have children who are in constant touch.

Dec46 Fri 20-Mar-20 22:57:33

I do understand what you are saying ValerieF. I know the Coronavirus social isolating is making my situation seem so much worse as I can't go to Groups I would normally go to.Also several of my social group have died prematurely and suddenly in the last couple of years . New activities I had planned to do are now cancelled until further notice.I'm outgoing and social so will sort myself out as I always do.

M0nica Sat 21-Mar-20 08:47:49

Dec46, I do sympathise with you being childless is very diferent from having children but not close. Neither of my children live near me, both over 100 miles away. I would never under any circumstance compare my plight with those who are childless.

Most of my personal friends are childless and I am making sure I keep in regular telephone contact with them during this difficult period, in fact I am making an effort to keep in touch with anyone I know facing up to three months of social distancing alone

Laughterlines Sat 21-Mar-20 09:01:10

Dec46 on this site we are all your friends and family you have us.

Smileless2012 Sat 21-Mar-20 09:11:39

It is difficult being estranged from your adult child Dec but so is living alone with no children or family. Our other son lives in Aus. and although he's not the best for keeping in touch, we know he's there. Life must be hard for you at times and with everything that's going on with Corona Virus

I'm sorry you've been upset, as sodapop has said, some people's comments can be thoughtless.

Pop on here for a chat with all the virtual friends your sure to make here on GNflowers.

Eglantine21 Sat 21-Mar-20 09:14:56

If you have wanted children and not been able to have them for any reason it is a sadness that never goes away and is like a sore that seems to heal over and then erupts again.

I do not speak of this personally but from the experience of my sister and one of my children.

Having a child living at a distance is nothing like the same.
But people are sometimes immersed in their own troubles and can’t relate to others pain.

Don’t feel alone at this time Dec46. Gransnet can be wonderful company 💐

Dec46 Sat 21-Mar-20 15:23:52

Thank you for your lovely comments,everyone of you,they have helped. I feel calmer now.The self isolating panic has subsided a bit.It is something the whole world is facing and somehow we will get through it all.
Eglantine, your post summed being childless much better than I could have done,grief comes through at unexpected times,it is hidden from others but never truly dies.
One of my friends has called me a child magnet because small children often head towards me when we are out together.They make me smile and respond to that which is lovely.