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Alcoholic 39 year old son.

(15 Posts)
Teddy111 Sun 10-May-20 21:36:38

My son moved in with me the day after his stepfather died,last October. My sons father,71,died suddenly 2 weeks before. I am 71. It has been a living nightmare ever since.
His GP has prescribed lots of prescription drugs that just make things so much worse worse,liquid morphine,codeine,Temazepam 40 mgs at night,chlordiazepoxide. I am going to phone GP tomorrow

tanith Sun 10-May-20 22:10:09

From experience I know how hard that is. I don’t know what you are planning and if your son is ready to get help to quit?
If you are willing to help him through it will be very tough but if you don’t have the strength and if he is not ready then one answer is to ask him to leave, it will be very tough I don’t envy you but wish you luck.

jeanie99 Mon 11-May-20 03:02:17

This is a terrible situation to find yourself in.
I would be very much surprised if your sons GP would even discuss your sons health issues with you as a persons details are confidential.
With any addiction unless a person wants to change their life no amount of talking will alter anything.
Have you a friend or family member you could discuss this with? Would social services provide some advice? I have no experience of this but hope you receive help and support.

Hithere Mon 11-May-20 03:21:21

Your son must reach rock bottom before he is willing to get better

He cannot live with you.

Txquiltz Mon 11-May-20 03:22:05

The only person you can truly help is yourself. Talk to a vicar, a trusted friend, your own GP to find help specifically designed for family members affected by addiction to any substance. Your son cannot get strong again without help from a proper source. I have been through this and learned my inner peace ultimately made the family member’s recovery easier. It has taken much time, but now we are living our best lives....honoring each other as distinctly separate people whom we love. I hope for the very best as you begin your journey.

Loislovesstewie Mon 11-May-20 05:22:38

Your son can only stop if he wants to, in the meantime, if you haven't already , please contact Al-Anon . They are support for the family of problem drinkers/alcoholics and at the moment that is clearly what you need. No amount of medication will help your son if he wants to carry on drinking so you need to have support yourself.

Humbertbear Mon 11-May-20 08:00:53

Teddy111 - I am sorry for what you are going through. Unfortunately Hithere is right - he will have to reach rock bottom before he seeks help and I know, from experience with my sister, that rock bottom is much lower than you could ever believe.
I know just how frustrating dealing with this situation can be. In the final analysis, you must look after yourself. You can’t help him - only he can help himself and u fortunately, many avenues for help are not really accessible at the moment. My sister didn’t live with me but our GP became concerned for my health. He seems to have been prescribed some very strong medication and I think you need to be as concerned about these as you are about his drinking.
I too would recommend contacting Al-Anon. They are accessible online and have a lively and supportive Facebook group.
Please look after yourself and take care.

Teddy111 Mon 11-May-20 12:57:04

Thankyou so much for your kind comments and support. Gp is off Mondays at the moment,he has always dicussed my sons 'case 'with me,with my son's agreement. The drink and medications have been an ongoing problem ,rehab many times.
I was left my husbands money but it has gone to the probate court and could be 6 to 12 months. I have had to wait for the money and it is so hard on just my pension. I had no savings as I continually gave my son drips of it day by day. He had met a woman and stayed a few days with her,she was 8 years older than him . She saw some womens phone numbers on his phone and threw him out,her family started phoning his phone and the house phone hundreds of times a day. I had to call police as they were threatening to firebomb my house and to beat him up. He started drinking heavily and not sleeping for 5 nights ,as he was frightened in the night,he armed himself with big spanners,a van pulled up outside the hedge,he ran out and was going to attack the man,he did not recognise the neighbour. Another neighbour phoned the police. They didn't press charges,but gave him a warning. He has no money,no friends,nowhere to go. Now we are trapped here together.

tanith Mon 11-May-20 13:21:02

This situation will be damaging to your health as I’m sure you’re aware so the decision lies in your hands. Are you prepared to give tough love to your son, while you continue to enable him with a home and money he will never hit rock bottom where he has to be before he may accept help. Otherwise you will continue as you are till you break with the stress. For your own sake I encourage you to cut him off and tell him he must go. I wish you every luck.

Hithere Mon 11-May-20 13:40:44

Stop enabling your son.
He cannot live with you.
You cannot give him money
You cannot feed him

You are sadly contributing to this situation - whether you know it consciously or not

What you are doing is not helping your son. It is harming him.

Kick him out. Help save his life.

Kestrel Tue 12-May-20 10:07:36

I think Al Anon have a section for relatives/partners of alcoholics - please contact them and if they suggest tough love go with it. So sorry you are in this situation

GrannyLaine Tue 12-May-20 10:17:17

Teddy111 I'm so sorry to hear of your situation and I hope you can find some support for yourself. My brother's son was an alcoholic and died two years ago. I would often get exasperated with my brother because I felt he did too much for his son. After his sudden death, I realised that I was wrong. The only comfort that my brother had in his grief was that he never gave up on his son. flowers

grandtanteJE65 Sun 17-May-20 12:04:27

Phone Blue Cross, AA and any other organization that helps alcoholics become sober. They all have help-lines for relatives.

Unless your son really wants to stop drinking, no amount of help to do so, will do the slightest bit of good.

Why is he living with you? You need him out of your home, whether he is willing to stop drinking or not.

Anniebach Sun 17-May-20 12:10:29

It needs to be said ‘tough love’ can lead to death

ValerieF Sun 17-May-20 15:11:56

Hi Teddy, I really feel it for you and you do need help. You cannot help your son here no matter how much you want to.

With the list of drugs he is taking I am surprised he is even able to get up let alone function. In addition if he is taking chlordiazepoxide AND drinking, it will double the effects and make him even less able to function. Is the GP monitoring him closely or just fobbing him off with drugs?

As people said do get in touch with Al Anon. Did you speak with his GP? Unfortunately people tend to wash their hands of alcoholics unless they show a definite sign that they want help and especially now in current circumstances there won't be any extra help available.

Unless your son is being violent or distructive in the household I would do nothing about throwing him out just now as it is difficult to do anything at the moment, but I wouldn't give him money for drink and if he starts to get abusive then call the police.

I wish you well as am sure it is far from easy and at the end of the day you may have to ask him to leave if he point blank refuses to accept help and want to change.