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Crisis with son and his partner

(10 Posts)
nananet01 Sun 07-Jun-20 15:38:35

My son and partner have stuck together throughout lockdown in his house which he only completed on early 2020. His partner has kept a rented flat. I've chatted with his partner only 2 days ago and all seemed fine.
Until yesterday when I learn my son is broken and rundown because of her controlling and abusive behaviour.
His partner has respiratory problems and is bipolar. She has not been able to get her meds for her mental health.
I've suggested she return to her flat for space and time apart to think, how the pandemic can put strain on all relationshipsbut more to the point on theirs given her vunerability.
It sounds like it's escalating and I am very concerned especially because restrictions make it impossible for me to intervene in a practical way.

TwiceAsNice Sun 07-Jun-20 15:44:44

If she has been diagnosed as bipolar she cannot manage normal life well without her medication and things are not even normal at the moment.

She should not be having to manage without . She can still contact her GP surgery for an ongoing prescription or her usual pharmacy if prescriptions are multi logged with them.

If she is known to the mental health team she could contact the crisis team and they would make sure she got her medication and offer support if she needs it. Please suggest to your son that they contact a medical professional to help.

Davidhs Sun 07-Jun-20 15:51:50

You can’t intervene in a practical way, he has bought the house, they are not married, you haven’t mentioned children.
Maybe he was relying on her income to help pay the mortgage, as she has health problems her contribution is always going to be uncertain. If they split up and he cannot keep up the payments he will have to sell, maybe he can find a lodger to help out.

Grandmafrench Sun 07-Jun-20 16:02:32

All that TwiceAsNice has advised, and urgently. Your Son needs to ensure that this situation is brought under control without delay. Until she is back on her meds, and maybe had some further advice, there will be little point in trying to discuss their future together

BlueBelle Sun 07-Jun-20 16:02:52

Why has she run out of her meds? of course that’s the answer there are mental health teams still working every day it only needs a prescription pinged over to the pharmacy they can even deliver if needed so why has that not happened

Loislovesstewie Sun 07-Jun-20 16:16:53

Your son needs to contact the crisis team and explain that she seems to have run out of meds, if she is getting worse he should phone 999 and explain that she is having an episode. Sometimes people who have serious and enduring mental health issues stop taking their meds because they feel ok, of course they rapidly deteriorate because it is only the meds which are keeping them stable.I've known quite a few who do this .She should have a CPN who will be contactable and that might be another professional to contact BUT he really needs to talk to someone ASAP.

TrendyNannie6 Sun 07-Jun-20 16:28:11

Sorry to hear this nananet but the same question as bluebells asked , why has she ran out of her meds? Usually you contact whoever you are dealing with concerning meds quite few days before you run out, so this never happens! I hope this is sorted out soon, for everyone’s sake

Namsnanny Sun 07-Jun-20 16:56:35

Oh what a worry for you.
Please keep talking to your son (if he wants to), as he might be getting very emotional himself, and need to vent.
Naturally you want to help them, but as others have said it really is all down to her to get back on her medications.
I have no real knowledge of the illness, but I have read lots of people don't like to take them and give up frequently.
What ever the reason given for not taking them, I suspect it's more down to her own perception rather than any difficulties with lockdown.
I do hope she manages to get the help and support she needs soon.
Only then will your son be able to off load the stress he is under and decide how to proceed.

Try not to worry too much, and my advice (for what it's worth) is try not to be put into a position where you are giving advice, as this can be misconstrued as bias in favour of your son.
Which may have repercussions in the future, on your relationship with them.

Provide them a much needed shoulder to cry on, and keep schtum.
When the temptation to find an answer for their problems is strong, just say 'what do you think/want?'

Wish I had been given this advice in the past, might have saved me loads of heart ache!

EllanVannin Sun 07-Jun-20 17:01:13

Not a good mix having bi-polar and no medication.
There should have been arrangements made for the medication to have been available as it can be a dangerous situation for those involved should there be a melt-down.

nananet01 Wed 10-Jun-20 11:14:57

Just wanted to thank you all for your helpful responses. Like some of you, I know very little about bipolar and your advice confirmed my worries about the seriousness of the situation.
As to an update, by the evening of the same day this crisis happened my son said they were talking, it had just been a bad time and his partner had all she needed, I assume her meds.
My son has a huge heart and is first to care for those who need help. My point being he doesn't seem to give importance to the fact that his partners behaviour all but broke him yet so quickly he was happy to put his own mental health aside and accept his partners decision that all was okay. It seems controlling.
I've stepped back now.