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The discovery & maintenance of true love, with thoughts from the Bard

(4 Posts)
Hugh Tue 30-Jun-20 20:15:43

Perhaps this is the right place for me to confess that my life proper began at the age of 61, when I already had two ex-wives, four children and three grandchildren who've recently reached adulthood.

Confess? Yes, on account of my endless foolish mistakes, for which I suffered more than those affected by my actionss. I don’t wish to go into details, feel no need for public catharsis. I shall only say that these things couldn’t be helped. I’ve written a lot about my childhood and published it too, but those were only the happy parts.

What I want to share here is a conviction that sex is of no value without true love. The world’s conversations have got in the groove of discussing relationships and sex as if their problems can be remedied by expert advice and comparing notes. I don’t mean this site, I’ve only just joined.

I’m proposing, by way of a discussion topic, that true love can be clearly defined. What do you think?

I've attached a manifesto from the seventeenth century, which suggests that it's unaffected by the depredations of time, unconditional. My wife and I are not far from "the edge of doom", as Shakespeare puts it, but sexual desire, however physically & spiritually expressed, remains constant if not greater. Especially now that the duties of work & offspring no longer get in the way.

And how is true love found, in the first place? Luck, a deep longing in the heart, dating sites? Dunno. (For us it was all three.)

ValerieF Tue 30-Jun-20 20:33:24

Hi Hugh, I suspect you are being a bit too deep for gransnet but a lot of what you say, I have queried also? Not sure love can actually be defined. Like what exactly is 'love'. Everyone will tell you differently their interpretations of it.

Love for your children, parents, animals varies but the pain you feel on losing any doesn't differ.

By same token, people confuse sex with love. My take on this is people are programmed and it is a natural instinct to reproduce. Therefore women looked for males who would be good mates. Sometimes, when that has passed they find there are no other compatabilities?

Our society says we only have one partner who we make vows to but our instincts may say otherwise? Of course many people will adhere to 'the rules' but for those who don't or can't I don't necessarily think they intend to hurt or be confusing but that is just my opinion.

With so much in the news and so much knowledge I still believe people's instincts are very basic.

Of course this is confused by other things, such as gay people who cannot naturally produce children but that is another issue.

But as you say....love is a very confusing issue?

Hugh Tue 30-Jun-20 20:44:56

I agree with everything you say, Valerie! But then you reach old age, become a gran, and can't naturally produce children. The basic instincts may still be there, but you look at one another, don't see those youthful signs any more that betoken a good breeding pair. As in chess, both parties ought to think of the endgame.

ValerieF Tue 30-Jun-20 20:52:24

Obviously some people will be contented with the endgame Hugh. Some may not. Some will move on and find other things they love and admire in their partners and others will be frustrated and feel the need to explore. Who is right? Who is wrong?

Not sure which angle you are coming at this from Hugh? I don't think anyone goes into a relationship thinking it won't be for ever but circumstances, feelings, change so not every person who goes into a marriage at say 20 will still feel the same at 40 or 50 or 60.