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Fear of abandonment?

(24 Posts)
Rocknroll5me Mon 27-Jul-20 10:35:54

I had a dream/ nightmare last night that woke me up. And all it was about was a colleague (unknown.. a mix of people I have known) with whom I worked in a remote area told me she was going away for a week with a friend and I panicked. And felt very stupid. But I kind of know that fear is real.
I live alone and thought I coped very well but I wonder how much that is to do with a fear of abandonment? Does any of this make any sense to any of you?

Smileless2012 Mon 27-Jul-20 11:03:03

I makes sense to me Rocknroll and I don't think the fact you had this dream means you're not coping with living alone as well as you thought.

Both Mr. S. and I have been having some very strange dreams since the lock down. It's been such an unsettling time for us all I'd try not to read too much into your dreamflowers.

lemongrove Mon 27-Jul-20 11:10:36

Since the lockdown many people have had very vivid and unsettling dreams.It’s more to do with the fear of the unknown and life not being normal.Don’t worry about it, but maybe watch funny or uplifting tv/read books etc rather than read or watch too much gloom and doom.

Rocknroll5me Mon 27-Jul-20 12:02:48

thanks. But I fear it is the reason I live alone...that fear of abandonment... that's the problem. Sometimes dreams expose what you are scared to admit - or have repressed.

timetogo2016 Mon 27-Jul-20 14:22:33

I too have had strange and vivid dreams and i agree with the other posts that it`s the lockdown syndrome.
If i were you Rocknrol5me i would switch of to them or you will make yourself ill
It`s your subconsious thats causing the dreams not the fact you live alone or you would have been having them for years.
Wishing you well.

jocork Tue 28-Jul-20 09:41:17

I've had strange dreams during lockdown including one in which I got back with my ex husband! I have no wish for this to happen and am coping fine alone so don't know where that came from - we split up about 16 years ago! Obviously the uncertainty of these times is affecting our subconcious thoughts in odd ways.

harrigran Tue 28-Jul-20 09:41:44

I do not live alone and I am having anxiety dreams. I spend half my night asking people to back off and to keep their distance. Last night I was in the town centre shopping and had just left a M&S when I realised that DH and I were not wearing masks, I woke up with a start. Not logical to dream like this, I have not been in our town centre this year.

polnan Tue 28-Jul-20 09:46:27

well I am recently living alone, never done that before, I am suffering anxiety and depression I think, but docs only want to give you pills that , well don`t agree with me , so I am trying meditation,

have you tried that Rockandroll?

yes, I have also heard that dreams are sometimes connected with our mental stuff,

I have been fortunate thus far, though I don`t sleep well, most dreams, and I dream a lot, are not unpleasant,

wish you lived near me Rocknroll, (Swindon,Wiltshire) as I am so lonely and moods/emotions up and down, all over the place,,

I hate this feeling of being lonely, and no one loves or even likes me.

wanna email?

Lupin Tue 28-Jul-20 09:55:41

Another vote here for lockdown syndrome causing unsettling dreams. Try not to dwell too much on your dream, and now that lockdown is lifting make some achievable plans for socialising, or ring you friends for a good natter.
I, too, live alone and have had vivid dreams. The last one I had was of being in a queue and an elderly lady coming up too close behind me and not reacting to my requests to move back. That was after my first visit to a shop since lockdown began. I may have got too used to living in a bubble. Am going to get a tablet so that I can Zoom and make some dates to meet my friends at a social distance.
My family live at various distant places and I long to see them.
I hope the dreams stay away and that you can boot your fear back into the ether. Tell it to push off.

Nan0 Tue 28-Jul-20 10:18:01

Anything you have read newspaper book magazine tv convesation phone internet memories things that happen in your day get incorporated into ones dreams not always significant but generalised anxieties and insecurities get exposed in semi nightmares...dont let it worry you...its just a dream...

Kitspurr Tue 28-Jul-20 10:18:27

I think that when you live on your own away from friends and family, or if you actually have none of these, you can sometimes feel abandoned. Abandonment has been a fear of mine, and I think it's always been that way, but I didn't actually realise that until recently. I think that I've started to accept my feelings and will, hopefully, be able to cope better now and in the future. I hope things improve for you.

Grannynannywanny Tue 28-Jul-20 10:37:59

Anyone able to analyse my dream from last night??
I dreamt that my 70 year old cousin, who lives 350 miles away, texted out of the blue to say a woman had just given birth to her surrogate baby in my local hospital.

She asked me to visit and tell them to hold onto the baby till after lockdown. I went to the hospital and the 12 hour old baby was in a room with several other newborns. The others were average size but he was the size of a 3 month old and a nurse was spoon feeding him with a boiled egg because he was a hungry baby and needed a top up!

Toadinthehole Tue 28-Jul-20 10:51:57

I hardly ever remember my dreams, but a few nights ago, I dreamt that it was 7pm, and I hadn’t even peeled the potatoes I was going to roast along with the joint of beef!! I have developed anxieties around food and cooking over the last few years, but this was ridiculous 🤪. I was so relieved to wake up and find I wouldn’t have to cook until the evening! I wouldn’t worry about it Rocknroll, they don’t mean anything. Hope last night was better🤗

Givemestrength Tue 28-Jul-20 11:13:51

I feel constantly anxious about being abandoned by my grown up children. My son shows more interest to his partners family and my girls are fickle and everything is always my fault so now I tend to just keep quiet. I'm trying hard to make a new life for myself but everything feels so hollow. Recently, because I was busy on a day they wanted to visit - I got the 'you're dead to me' attitude from one of them. You can't make it up.

Toadinthehole Tue 28-Jul-20 11:44:39

Aww, bless you Givemestrength, there’s a thread running at the moment called... “ putting up with the unacceptable “, which might reassure you. That’s more about the grandchildren angle, and you don’t say if you have them, but could be helpful. This lockdown has exacerbated all sorts of things, but keep going with trying to make a new life for yourself, at least it shows you’re in the right mindset.💐

IslandGranny Tue 28-Jul-20 11:53:27

I’m volunteering as a steward at our local church today for people to come for private prayer/ meditation.
Lots of time to think about covid and where it will change life and things in general from now on.
I live alone as I am widowed with three grown up children. I don’t feel abandoned I feel grateful that I have my own life to lead and can follow my own interests and be spontaneous. I’m not limited to other people’s choices for me. I would say “count your blessings and name them one by one” . In order to move forward we have to believe in hope. ( I’m sounding preachy...perhaps it’s because I’m in church! )

Givemestrength Tue 28-Jul-20 11:57:07

Thank you @Toadinthehole. I have found that thread reassuring, however sad the circumstances that brought it about.

maddyone Tue 28-Jul-20 11:59:36

I’ve dreamt a lot more since lockdown, I can partly remember the dreams when I wake up, but not fully remember. And I frequently feel very anxious as well. I’ve suffered from depression for years but normally my medication keeps me well, but during lockdown I’ve felt horrible first thing in the morning, so much so, that now we’re back on childcare my husband goes to bring the children whilst I come round a bit.
Rocknroll I really think your dreams are to do with lockdown and fear of the unknown. We don’t know what’s going to happen, there’s no security anymore. It’s very unsettling and I for one, don’t like it at all. I haven’t any advice, we all just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and try to resume some semblance of a normal life. It’s the never ending aspect that bothers me the most.

Applegran Tue 28-Jul-20 12:10:20

I understand the fear of abandonment Rocknroll - it can be a dread from childhood. So if you live alone you don't have to fear it - there is no one to abandon you. Living alone is a perfectly good choice of course, but living with someone can be rewarding too, and we have to weigh up risks and what might be benefits. Life is a risky business whatever we choose and gaining insights, as it looks as if you are, can be rewarding and freeing..
I wish you well.

Grannynannywanny Tue 28-Jul-20 12:44:52

Apologies if my post about my overnight silly dream came across as flippant in the midst of some of these posts. That wasn’t my intention.

I frequently have upsetting dreams, especially if I wake in the early hours and go back to sleep. That seems to be the time I go in to some anxiety filled nightmares and it’s a relief to waken and escape from it. I read somewhere it’s to do with the different stages of sleep we pass through during a night of sleep. REM stage seems to be where the vivid dreams occur.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 28-Jul-20 13:12:59

Yes, some dreams do point to things we are secretly scared of, but I don't think they all do.

Right now, as others say, our changed lifestyle is perhaps the cause of these anxiety toned dreams.

I am just thankful July is nearly over. During this month I always dream of those I have loved who have died. Not so much at other times of year. I don't know why as only one of them died in July.

Taichinan Tue 28-Jul-20 14:31:10

Grannynannywanny I think your dream reflects that nothing is "normal" just now!

mokryna Tue 28-Jul-20 14:40:17

Thinking about your nightmare and lockdown. I suffered from them in the early 80’s regarding what I would do if the bomb was dropped. Did anyone else?

BettyBoop49 Tue 28-Jul-20 16:25:40

Recently dreamed i was on a plane - it had just taken off and was levelling out
when it started to lose height. It headed for the ground and was just about to crash into a Cathedral type building. I woke up before impact. It was a terrifying dream and so real that I keep watching the news to see if it was prophetic. I cant imagine what brought it on but possibly some deep-seated anxiety.