Security

flamenco. You need to sort this out with this man as soon as possible. If he continues to refuse to discuss what will happen to his property after he dies, despite the fact that this is causing you worry, then maybe you should try to become more independent as others have said.

Thank you for all the messages all very sensible. I haven’t lived in this area long. Miles from all friends and family, we moved as he was ill and wanted to be nearer family. I just cannot get used to it here. We have moved from leafy Bucks to fat North, too far from a lifetime in the south east.

Do you have a reasonable income of your own? If so, I'd start saving so as to have at least the deposit for a rented property.

Spend some time browsing the housing market in areas you fancy to see if property is affordable there. Make plans for what you would do if the situation arose that he did die and leave you homeless. Just the thought that you know how you can manage can be reassuring.

I would also point out that my uncle's will arranged that the aunt who was living with him (but was not married to him) could stay in the house until she died. It then went to his family. Maybe your partner would do something like that, so that you could then move out only if you wanted to.

“A man, or woman , who refuses to marry his/her partner is waiting for something better to turn up”
I read this many years ago and it has stuck in my mind.

I would advise you to try to get yourself an independent home, either bought or rented, so you are not made homeless by his death should it occur first.
Who is he leaving his house and flat to? Is it his adult children?
I’m sorry, but being told he’ll leave you some money, how much? It wouldn’t reassure me at all.

Security? I'd say that you don't have any, wouldn't you? And if you don't have any after 11 years of being with someone, it's doubtful that you will when he dies. Personally, I'd think that he didn't actually care very much for me at all.

I wouldn't want to be with somebody like that.

You are NOT being unreasonable and I am not at all surprised you're feeling anxious. These are big warning signs. You need to protect yourself and look after your own interests. It's no use waiting to see how things will pan out.