Moving away from family

*love! ???????

Greengran78 Morley wasn’t asking for his help on here FGS! He had no right to go snooping to see what she was saying IMHO. And it is my opinion and I am entitled to express it. I do find it disturbing that he felt the need to ‘reply’ to his wife on Gransnet rather than to her face. He wasn’t replying to her, he was trying to show himself in a good light. IMHO....... I see nothing nasty in my reply. Have you read any other comments on Gransnet? If you did, then you might see what being ‘nasty’ (live that word btw) is. Done.

It seems the problem is that your husband has never really gotten close to your family. He feels like an outsider. Additionally, his ideas of having a companion in retirement has conflicted with your needs to be close to your family and an involved grandmother. (I take it he has no grandchildren). There needs to be a compromise. Otherwise the marriage will fail.

Yes, quite worrying that this is real and not an episode of The Archers.

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Argghhhhhhh.

grannylaine ?

I am afraid you need to ask yourself: what matters most, your husband and marriage or your children?

You have made a tactical error by visiting your children and grandchildren alone. I don't wonder that your husband feels like a spare part.

Could you move to a quieter area, but still reaonably near your children? And include your husband in visits to them?

If you dont, I frankly don't think your marriage will last much longer.

I don't know who is most at fault here, you for ignoring your husband's complaints, or him for making them, but I do know that it takes two to tango and a successful marriage means sometimes putting your husband first.

Thanks for clarifying Oops

Not you Grannylaine.

FHS read the last post on the previous page.

It seems to me that Rob Titchener is alive and well.

Yes absolutely right the two of you need to sit down and talk together about what is important to you both as individuals and as a couple. Do you want to stay together or do you want different things out of life? What brought you together in the first place? What interests do you share? How do you see your long term future? What if anything are you prepared to compromise on? Put aside time for this if you want your relationship to flourish. I am sure your family would be devastated if they knew the conflict that you are going through. Put yourselves first and take time to concentrate on what matters to both of you. Only then can you decide if you have a future together. All good wishes.

There is no compromise being offered or suggestions by him for ways forward so that you can stay together which I think says it all. He's already made his own choice with the purchase of another home. Perhaps what he wants now is to force your hand to follow him or perhaps what he wants to do is shift any responsibility for his actions on to your failure to comply with his decisions. Really sorry but it sounds very much that he has already left the marriage.

No, I didn't read the husband's response before I posted. That was an interesting development that I don't think I've come across on Gransnet before,

It's happened before - once as far as I'm aware but could be more.

Girls, ya have to be careful!

Always remember about the AC who turn against us their parents and side with their partners and then leave us the grandparents without any contact.
If you let your AC control your life is that any better or worse than allowing a husband/partner to control your life?

I see no sign of joint friends? OP seems to have her family, her husband his friends, to me that’s unusual. So they already have their separate ‘circles’.

I'm always surprised by the number of recommendations to 'dump' a partner just because he/she doesn't fit in with one party's wants. You must have once loved each other even if you no longer do, so surely a marriage is worth saving unless its really abusive.
I understand why Netrino feels left out, he's probably correct in thinking Morley's family sideline him, he's the 'wicked stepfather' and they've made it clear they'd prefer him to stay away - so if I were him I'd stay away for anything but big occasions.
But to suggest Morley ditch him at behest of her first family is cruel and IMO quite wrong and not a first response surely?

Something to bear in mind, GC grow up and grow away from you. AC can experience live changing events that may bring changes in their lives. The situation can change, but can’t be forseen.
If you give up your marriage you might regret it.
If you love your husband, try to find a compromise

Sorry Libman, not Libyan. Darn auto-correct!

Libyan. What a nasty post. Neutrino has a right of reply, and he comes across, to me at least, as a reasonable man. Many families find it hard to come to terms with a replacement for their father, and it sounds like Morley’s family have sidelined him. He seems prepared to accept the situation, as long as he gets his fair share of love and attention, but seems convinced that this isn’t going to be the case.
As I said in my previous post the only way to solve this problem is to have a good discussion about it. Surely it’s possible to reach a compromise about the allocation of time and activities. If Morley prioritises her family, and doesn’t enjoy spending time with her husband, then there’s not much hope of a happy marriage.

Yes I've never seen a partner respond on GN before either. I agree with Chewbacca you need to talk honestly to each other not on here.

If Neutrino and Morley usually communicate via social media websites, maybe that's why they're having the problems they are. How about having a face to face conversation chaps?

Just reread husband's post: 'This response is obviously to my wife and not to the good people posting on Gransnet.' Hang on a minute. So why not send it privately to her then rather than post on a public forum? Wondering if it is a bit 'creepy' after all.

Very interesting to read the other side of the story!
Maybe a compromise of spending time in each house could help to recreate a relationship on all sides. Failing that, it could help to crystallise the thoughts of each of you. I hope the way ahead becomes clearer.

No, I didn't read the husband's response before I posted. That was an interesting development that I don't think I've come across on Gransnet before, and it sure bolted me out of this heatwave sleepiness that is taking over! However, looks like my 'apart but together' comment was quite near the mark. If you really do love each other and want the best for each other, I'm sure it could work out. But I'm no expert in these things! (I do still think that very many men are grown up babies though - sorry!)