Ghosting

dragonfly46

I am sort of ghosting someone at the moment. Forty years ago we were quite close but although I was always there for her she never was for me. She let me down time and time again. She was also subtly unkind to my children.

We have kept in touch over the years and they have been to stay but recently she let me down yet again and enough was enough.
I can't even be bothered to tell her why I am having no more contact. She has noticed as we have a mutual friend but I really do not care. Life is too short!

I have a similar situation going on now, but because I feel so guilty for not wanting the stress if dealing g with her negativity (nothing I do is viewed with any balance ). I keep a low level of interaction.

I've just ghosted a friend of 40 years although didn't realize that's what it's called. This friend has a negative view on life and very few friends. Over last few years she has become very needy, frequently texting and if I didn't respond quickly enough I'd get a 'did you get my text' follow up, but worse was the daily hour long phone call which if I tried to cut short would produce accusations about not wanting to speak to her.
She has mental health issues and I tried to take that into account which just made it impossible to explain how I needed her to ease off. That would almost amount to character assassination.
What I did wasn't nice but perhaps kinder than the alternative? I don't know.

I am sort of ghosting someone at the moment. Forty years ago we were quite close but although I was always there for her she never was for me. She let me down time and time again. She was also subtly unkind to my children.

We have kept in touch over the years and they have been to stay but recently she let me down yet again and enough was enough.
I can't even be bothered to tell her why I am having no more contact. She has noticed as we have a mutual friend but I really do not care. Life is too short!

A relative solicited from me quite a lot of family ancestry info from me, which I was happy to impart and chose to do so by a paper letter. I felt genuinely friendly and affectionate when I wrote it and can think of nothing in it that would hurt feelings in any way .

This relative responded only by a public Facebook messsage " I must give you a ring some time". Never did so. I still 'like' the relative's Facebook entries from the relative , otherwise I do not communicate.
Is this sort of ghosting?

Mogsmaw
Apologies, it wasnt a reprimand.

I was ghosted during the summer by a very close friend. We had spent lots of time together over quite a few years, done each other favours and had long phone chats each week during lockdown.
She asked me for a completely unreasonable favour which I could not do and she just cut me off. She wrote about what happened on Facebook and completely twisted it. Funnily, the people who responded were sticking up for me.
I expected to be upset but actually more annoyed and offended.

Hithere
I’ve deleted my post, I’ll be sure to check my definitions more carefully in future to save you the trouble of a reprimand.

Mogsmaw
Sorry to say this is not ghosting, it is called estrangement.

There is a full section of the forum dedicated to it

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

As I said up thread, the only way I got over being ‘ghosted’ was when another friend said to me ‘you have to face the fact that the friendship meant more to you than it did to her’.

That drew a line in the sand for me and after several months of self-analysis and lowered self esteem (you’re dead right there annsixty it was horrible) I picked myself right back up.

Good luck everyone suffering it. It’s not just a friendship that fizzles out.

I have an ex-GN friend who ghosted me. We used to meet up for coffee at a local garden centre and then she stopped emailing me. I emailed her a couple of times,she would reply and then I would reply. After that I would hear no more from her.

We had a friend who we helped a lot through various crises in her life. She moved away and my husband was helping her right up to removal day. Since then we have heard nothing from her, I can only assume we can no longer be useful to her so we are dumped.
It's been over a year now, c'est la vie.

Marketkat

Has anybody heard of “ghosting“ or had it happen to them. I googled my friend is ignoring me. Ghosting came up as a thing, this has happened to a lot of people. Basically my friend of over 20 years has disappeared from my life, we don’t live close to each other But would visit each other often. I had a big tragedy in my life, that I posted in the bereavement section. Although initially supportive, I don’t hear from this person anymore despite my efforts, I get no replies or any communication. I’m worried about posting, but I’m genuinely interested to know what people think. Thanks for any replies.

I have experienced 'ghosting' and it's a very painful experience. But I learned that the reason why people 'ghost' shouldn't always be taken personal. Whether it's a date or a friend, sometimes it's to do with their own emotional discomfort, such as misunderstanding their own feelings, experiencing a stressful situation, or even thinking that you're out out their league. Like 'ghosting', there are lots of other dating terms you may find interesting, and it's a good way to understand modern dating culture. Check out the definitions here: www.vivastreet.co.uk/blog/the-periodic-table-of-modern-dating/

I think that some of the sad experiences here are not exactly ghosting.
They are friendships coming to a natural end either by circumstance or distance.
As I understand ,ghosting is when a relationship, either romantic or close friendship suddenly ends.
Absolutely no contact, no explanation, just as if the other person had died.
This must be devastating when it happens and can lead to awful problems of self worth and confusion.

I had a good friend from when our kids were young. She is God mother to one of our lads. We were close and I liked her company very much. We had a laugh. We moved away and we kept in touch initially. Her marriage split up. I tried to maintain the friendship but she has ghosted me. I dont know why. I wrote to her to say I valued our friendship but she didnt make contact. Some friendships are for a reason, some for a season and some for ever.I was sad and hurt but just need to accept it.

I have decided to 'ghost' a so called friend of about 5 years. The friendship was a very good one to start with. We used to shop and have fun together. However in the last eighteen months I have begun to feel used. She only contacts me by email when she wants to know something. Knowing my husband is very ill she asked after him once in an email asking about something else. No further contact. Made me realise I have been used in the last few years. So that's it no further contact as I don't need this sort of 'friendship' at this time.

I had a friend who I met at university. We were close, stayed friends as we married and had children. I supported her through some very difficult times. When things improved for her we carried on as before but she started criticising me, my choices, my family etc. I talked to her about it, things might improve a bit then endless criticisms again. In the end I said to her that I felt we no longer had much in common really, had gone down different roads and that I didnt want to sustain our friendship by tolerating such criticisms when my choices were my choices. I said I did not wish to meet up again as the same thing always happened. At this point I got endless phone calls, letters, flowers going on for months. Eventually, being as clear as I could be I stopped responding completely, ignored calls, letters etc. It took over a year for it to stop.

This was so unlike me to do this, so hard to do but I actually felt desperate in the end. I had given so many chances for things to change, had accepted apologies, tolerated being taken for granted to try and make it work.
Eventually I realised that I can be pushed a long way and will make allowances for people for a long time because of stress etc. But once someone pushes me too far, and loses me emotionally they lose me. And once that happens, I walk . I didnt ghost her exactly, I had explained but she couldnt hear it. And I actually ended up feeling quite desperate about her endless attempts at contact

It still makes me feel a vut sad but so be it, it was the right decision for me

Ouch I feel your pain I’m currently having this done to me, for 14 years I’ve spent every Friday night with my bestie. We were an odd friendship as he’s as young as my kids. Two years ago he lost 9 stone and I was really pleased that he was making new friends and getting out and about, then he met a fella and I was delighted. I expected he would have less time for me but then he stopped answering and returning my calls txts etc. I decided to call him out so I messaged him and said ‘ what have I done that is so awful that you could treat me like this’ he rang me and said there was nothing wrong he’d just been busy and hadn’t even thought about it. I went over and we had a great night on the Gin laughed till we cried just like old times. Two weeks later I cooked him a meal for his birthday and he said he’d call me at the weekend as he was going away and would tell me about it when he got back, but there was this odd feeling that he was saying goodbye. No contact at all since. I’m not going to chase after him I’ve got other friends and my dignity but it’s just sad that he hasn’t got the courage to tell me what this is about even when given the opportunity and that 19 years obviously means so little.
It’s really painful but I haven’t done anything but be a good friend so it’s his loss

marketkat

I’ve read all the posts with great interest, I have moved on from this friend now and haven’t tried any further contact and won’t. I have to be satisfied that I didn’t do anything wrong, I’ve given it a lot of thought though and whilst I never expected this to happen and I am disappointed in her, I can let it go and hope that she is well and has somebody to befriend her in the future should she need help. It is all very odd as we spoke to each other and visited regularly, when I think about it Now, she spoke, I listened. Pity she couldn’t afford that to me in my circumstances. We were very close, I have others who have remained and often ask have I heard from her, they are surprised when I say I haven’t.

Like DiscoDancer1975 I think losing track of friends was quite common, I do have friends who go back 50 years but because we moved away after we got married and had no phone for a couple of years the only way to communicate was by letter. Not everyone is a good letter writer and gradually the friendships stopped. I had no idea there was a name for it. Nowadays I seem to get times when a particular person is on the phone morning noon and night and then suddenly nothing, very puzzling.

Dibbydod I don't understand what you think your friend did wrong.
Was the socialising happening at the same time as she was asking for help?

I’ve had this happen loads of times throughout my life Didn’t know about the fancy name though. I used to look at my parents, who would have friends dating back 40/50 years. I always put it down to their generation didn’t go anywhere. Our kids move around a lot, but are always at the end of some route of communication or other. We moved around a lot, but lost touch. It did mean you could’ lose’ people much easier! We do have three sets of friends we’ve known for over 23 years though. That’s good going for us?, but school friends/ uni etc, long gone. When one door closes and all that?.

I had a friend that I met at work, we used to go out and about together, even went on an extended holiday. When she married we stayed in touch although living an hour or so apart, and I was godmother to her son. We went our own ways with careers,and families but kept in touch. One evening we were supposed to be visiting them for dinner, and staying over for a good catch up. Unusually, my DH phoned to check on expected time and friends DH answered the phone, said she was out doing overtime at work, but would call us back. She never phoned. A few weeks later, I, along with some other friends, received a letter telling us that as a working couple with children they were unable to give their friends any of their spare time and would be limiting contact. For a few years we received boastful, tedious letters at Xmas telling everyone how wonderful their life was. After a few years of no returns she finally stopped sending them. Very weird to be the godmother of a child ( man of 28 now!) that I never see and who has no idea who I am. I wonder how they are faring now in retirement having cut us and other friends off? At least I wasn't left wondering as others have reported, but it was still very hurtful

Dibbydod. Sorry you experienced this. You see that is the sort of thing I'd never do, especially not the dog bit. Animals understand much more than humans. I would just struggled along and try not to be a burden on anyone.