Separate bedrooms

My late husband and I slept in separate rooms for the last 3 years of his life. He had a stoma bag fitted, and due to the (sometimes) messy changing of it, he decided to sleep in the spare bedroom. After it was removed about 18 months later, he moved back in, but after a few nights decided he preferred being in the other room and moved back. It didn`t affect our relationship.

Have had separate rooms for about five years due to both of us snoring. Trouble is you get used to it so when you are sleeping away from home it can be tricky. Also I am in the smaller room whilst husband is in large en-suite room as he was working full time and also gets up several times in the night to use bathroom. He has now retired and I am going to suggest we swap every couple of months as fed up with feeling like I am in the second best room! Not sure it has done our relationship a lot of good to be honest but good sleep is so important.

Dinahmo, I have tried earplugs but can't find any that are not very uncomfortable or don't fall out!

Could you please suggest a brand, please?

Many thanks!

Twin beds. Ear plugs. Kindle

Can I ask all separate bedroom-ers how they manage holidays? Do they take a self-catering holiday let with two bedrooms?

What do they do if they want to cruise? Single cabins (as in hotels) are usually at a premium.

Surely if you have been in separate rooms for some considerable time you would both sleep badly if in one bedroom! I am interested as we are considering separate rooms!

antheacarol55 a black eye is nothing! My DH, who normally hardly moved at all while asleep must have had a bad dream. He lashed out and caught me a hefty wallop right in the mouth. I was in agony until I got to the dentist’s next morning. My tooth was so damaged that it had to come out.
DH was mortified, and couldn’t even remember what the dream was about.
At the time we didn’t have a spare bedroom, so I was very nervous about a repeat performance, but it never happened again.

We also have been sleeping in separate bedrooms due to my husband during lockdown having a pacemaker fitted. Got to the stage now 4 months later we are still there j with the situation. As he is also waiting on a 2nd operation + I am waiting on a hernia one.

One of the best parts of my day is when I get my cuddle from my husband before sleep. Unless one of us is ill I wouldn’t dream of sleeping separately. The dog sleeps with us too. It’s all a big, happy heap.

Would be a dream come true but DH won’t entertain the idea. I managed a few weeks when he was shielding and I was going out to work but he stayed in main bedroom and I went into spare even though he wanted to use house bathroom and I used en suite - totally crazy!!

I prefer separate houses /apartments..it keeps the romance going.I can't be doing with flatulence that increases with age ..no no ..make love then off to your own home please ..Prue Leith has almost same living arrangements as me & Mr F .

We share our bedroom and always start off together but I quite often slope off to the spare room after my bladder nudges me and Mr P has begun to snore.
During lockdown we have started going to bed early to watch something on netflix so makes sense to start off in our bed.

My husband and I have been in separate rooms since we got married twelve years ago. I was still in the work force and he snores, two things that don't go together. Our new house has two master suites , which allows us to have different sides of the house a total dream. I'm now retired still living the dream. We live in Alabama, USA

Yeah, sleep issues here too. And why let all those spare bedrooms go to waste? So much nicer to have the freedom of one's own bed to read etc or have health issues, as others have said, and a good night's sleep is SO important. Sometimes have to share when we have visitors, but that's generally ok - it's only temporary and has novelty value! I like your comment Spangler ?.

Like others my late husband and I slept in separate rooms for the last ten years of his life at 82. It work well because he had health problems and always a light sleeper. For me it was heaven, I could read in bed before settling down to sleep and have curtains and windows open. All of which he found disturbing.

It`s not uncommon Foxgloveandroses.
I know of lots of couples who do the same.
You do what works and that is how it should be.

We have separate rooms and I love it. Double bed to myself. My husband snores really badly And I like to sit up with the light on and read so it works out really well for both of us

Of course we do! If anyone thinks it's possible to get a good night's sleep when their husband snores so loudly he can be heard downstairs. In fact, he has a whole repertoire of anti-social sleeping habits: the snoring, leg-flinging, running in his sleep, and possibly most annoying of all ... he "clicks". Yes, you read that right. Clicks. Like a slowly ticking clock. No earplug has ever been invented that can combat these performances.

If you feel you could sleep through it, you're welcome to have a go!

We were blissfully happy and intimacy was a wonderful part of our relationship until my husband started with dementia 8 years ago when he was 82. Once I became his carer and nurse, I couldn't think of him in the same way. Sleeping together, as we always had, was bittersweet as it constantly reminded me of what we'd lost and I felt more like a widow than a wife. We now sleep in different rooms. It's sad but necessary.

My partner and I have separate houses never mind separate bedrooms ? but when we do get together we sleep really well. If it’s not broken don’t fix it

We've been in separate bedrooms for nearly 8 years! DH snores, gets restless and likes it super cold and I had a period of struggling to sleep due to pain after an accident. I would most often have to leave the room and sleep (badly) on the couch. Which didn't help me at all. We now have separate rooms but always have our morning cuppa in bed together?. When GS comes to stay or if we go to a hotel etc we go back to sharing. Sometimes it works and we carry it on for a while but eventually we go back to separate rooms. So perhaps flexibility is the way to go?.

Oh I’m so glad I popped in. At the start of lockdown I asked my husband to move into another bedroom. I was spending a lot of time with my terminally ill DiL and wanted to minimise the risk of giving her the virus. As times moved on I’ve joked that he doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to return to sleeping together. It’s worried and upset me a bit. I keep wondering if it’ll take away some of the intimacy (not sex) in our relationship. I’m Reassured by your posts. He does come in when I’m upset. (Unfortunately that’s quite a lot lately ) When he’s not at work we have tea in bed together. I do sleep better but miss him a bit.

My dear late husband and I slept together until he was so ill that he needed a hospital bed in a separate room. I could still hear him if he needed me as I set up a baby alarm.

While in A&E and slightly disoriented, he was told he would be going from the trolley to a bed in the ward. He held my hand and said that was no good, he wanted to sleep with me.

Prior to that, we found it more comfortable to have a single quilt each, choosing our own tog rating. That disposed of the arguments about being too hot or too cold and being accused of stealing the bedclothes. Much easier to change single duvets than king sized ones too.

I sleep with the dog, and hubby sleeps with himself; it works???

Iam64: I thought that about Davidhs' comment too but I thought it was just me....

We sometimes start off together but most nights are in separate rooms - hubby snores and fidgets and I am hot! My sleep has improved vastly since I’ve slept alone even though I miss the closeness but it means you need to make more effort to have ‘special time together’ .