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Separate Houses for 2nd, 3rd or 4th Marriages?

(12 Posts)
Dinahmo Sat 15-Aug-20 19:08:57

There is a discussion under this heading about a second husband not wanting his wife's GC around too often.

In the past there have been posts about the division of property when there is a second marriage.

I'd like to know why people think it is so necessary to remarry or co-habit. Obviously if a couple are young they may want children and living together and marriage makes sense. But for older people I just don't get it.

For younger people marriage is a good legal protection for the wife and children. There are many cases where people have been co-habiting and the woman's name is not on the deeds of the house and she has stayed at home looking after the children of the relationship. Often women in those circumstances loose out financially if the relationship breaks down.

But it's usually different for older people. I get that people want companionship and may be more but 24/7?

I've been with my DH since we were 21 and we've grown up together. We've always argued about the same things - mainly my untidiness and leaving stuff everywhere. In each house we've owned he's fitted out a study/office for me and then I find it necessary to work on the dining table. I'm a terrible back seat driver.

If he wasn't around and I found another partner there's no way I could live in the same house as anyone else. I like my own way too much and there's also the dogs (mine) to consider.

Ilovecheese Sat 15-Aug-20 19:24:31

I have married twice. Our children were grown up when we got married. I think I wanted to make a statement to the world really that our love for each other was as valid and special and lasting as it is for a young couple starting out together.

quizqueen Sat 15-Aug-20 19:31:36

If I ever found another partner, no way would I agree to live together. I like to be the boss of my house and enjoy my own company and would not want to risk there being any inheritance issues. Seeing them a few times a week and going on holiday would be more than enough.

tanith Sat 15-Aug-20 19:47:26

I was only 40 when I remarried there were no issues we bought a house together and he became step dad and grandad to my children. Now at 72 I have no intention to live with anyone else I now like making my own decisions and my own space.

SueDonim Sat 15-Aug-20 20:39:50

It depends on circumstances, surely? A friend was widowed suddenly when she was young, leaving her with two youngsters to raise alone.

She met another man when her children were adults and they lived together happily for years, though never married, despite her partner asking her many times. She died after a short illness and he had an awful time sorting out their property (he’d passed his house to his ex-wife when they’d divorced) and was almost left homeless, because they’d not make proper arrangements.

phoenix Sat 15-Aug-20 20:52:09

I'm in a second marriage, we started seeing each other in 2001 (I had left my control freak husband in 1999) Had a year in my own, didn't want a relationship, just breathing space!

Mr P and I got married in 2004. Not all plain sailing. Some recent ish things that need sorting, doesn't help that he doesn't talk much sad

Bridgeit Sat 15-Aug-20 21:07:01

Right now You are 100% sure & you may well & probably will stay that way , but there is always a possibility however remote that a change of mind/ heart / circumstances could/ may/ can happen to anyone of us.

annsixty Sat 15-Aug-20 21:11:21

A male friend of mine, when widowed met a divorcee.
They both had children.
Before marriage everything was sorted to make sure the children inherited what their parent had contributed to the marriage and afterwards new wills were made to enforce this.
Everyone knew the situation and no false expectations were made.
It proved to be a long and happy marriage.
Other friends have totally messed up, trusting their partner to do the right and honourable thing.
This has not happened, leaving devastation behind.
Sort it all out please and make sure your wishes are known and legally stated whether you marry or not.

Poppie99 Sat 15-Aug-20 21:50:50

I remarried for the second time a few years ago.We have both kept our own houses and therefore some independence.When we married I had three children at home and they were my main priority at that time. Moving on we are now selling our homes to buy a joint home together.This situation has worked well for us.

annep1 Sun 16-Aug-20 10:44:15

We had separate houses for years but as we got older it made more sense to live together. Less work, cheaper and an end to all the toing and froing. I preferred being married to just living together.
But it does take a lot of adjusting and compromising from both after living alone for so long. We've still not quite managed it.
And sorting out wills is important.
I too have a husband who often doesn't speak very much Phoenix as he doesn't find chatting easy. And it can be a bit lonely especially at the minute.

varian Sun 16-Aug-20 11:45:07

I have a friend whose late husband was in the army and she has a good army pension which I think she would lose if she remarried or even co-habited. For many years now she has had a relationship with a widower who has his own home.

They spend most of their time together, sometimes under one roof, sometimes the other, and some time each in their own home.

It is hard to see the difference between this and a co-habiting couple who happen to have a second home, but presumably it will make it easier for each to leave their estate to their own children and grand-children.

Laughterlines Sun 16-Aug-20 12:42:14

Always live in your own houses. My friend who owned her own house met a wonderful man with bachelor pad and smart sports car who was always whisking her away for weekends, giving lovely presents etc. They got married. He moved into her house because the bachelor flat was rented, car on hire purchase and he was spent up, they had a child together and later divorced. She had to give him half the value of HER house and take in students to make ends meet. He never paid child maintenance or even saw the child again. Then he went on to spend the money from his divorce from her on golfing weekends, new clothes, new cars, renting bachelor flats, and new ladyfriends. Guess what, he has since done the same thing twice more. Round here they have a name for this type of man. Cock lodger. Beware.