Only the Lonely. Inspired by Do People Enjoy Being Alone

Thank you all SO much

I can't tell you how chuffed I am to have received your messages. I'll be replying today.

Have a great day Grans.

I too could have written your post Notinthemanual

Always hoped not to be the last of my group to go but knew it to be possible, maybe when I reached eighty or. Never expected to find myself in this position in my sixties. ?

It’s horrible isn’t it? And unnecessary as there seem to be so many of us around! I’m still isolating due to a medical condition but I’m happy to PM chat with you OP or with anyone else in the same situation.

You’re not worthless at all Clazi but retirement can often make people feel that way. Sometimes it can be difficult moving to a new area and can take a long time to feel part of the community. I’m sure lots of people on Gransnet would like some pen pals (or email pals as it probably is nowadays), perhaps that might be a new thread.

Hi, Notinthemanual......have PM’d you ?

I have certainly found out who my friends are during this lo ckdown, Didn't have many anyway, having lost all my old friends gradually over the years. I have quite a few women I'm friendly with but do not actually call them friends as no one ever suggests a coffee or meal out so my suggestions with them seem to fall flat. I do believe it's difficult to make friends the older one gets, particularly if you have mobility problems as I have. Have been widowed since last year have found the past four months lonely. I'm fortunate that my son who lives quite near has done my weekly shopping and my daughter who lives in London has managed to visit a few times so I know how lucky I am in this regard but I do miss someone to just go out with occasionally. Presently have started to catch the bus to do some shopping using my trustee 3 wheel walker so I do not want this post to come across as a moaner but it is good to just do this. I realise there may be a few more on GN in their eighties who find life has become quite boring of late. I have always been independent and keep myself busy as I love gardening and reading . Well enough from me but I just wondered if anyone else felt like this?

I would love to be a pen pal. I live in the United States, am 69, married, and retired. Retirement and the pandemic have brought loneliness which has been difficult but I remain in a positive mindset. I enjoy reading, music, my pets and sharing life’s ups and downs. Would love to hear from you.

I fully understand where you coming from, sometimes life's events just put us into situations where we can only rely on ourselves. I too have had some significant life changes ( 4 major deaths, marriage break up, moved to a new area and now Corona) all in the last few years. I don't have children and my nearest family is over 300 miles away. But I am not giving up, I am renovating my new house, starting a business and planning for a future or should I say dreaming of a new future, at 64 I am not ready to give up. I did try joining a few clubs but lockdown stopped that and I the people I met don't know me well enough to give me the odd call. I also undertook some voluntary work but they only call when they need me to do something for them so I felt even more alone and frankly used. I feel I am invisible, I don't count. I made the mistake of moving to an area where the couples keep to themselves, I get the impression because I am single I am a threat, I don't know why I feel that because I am not after a man. I will get through this and I will get my life back on track by being a success and meeting new people who are more open to life's adventures. Enough about me, what about you my dear what interests do you have or hope to develop, what age are you, where are you located (I am in SE), whats your dreams, where do you want to be in 5 yrs time? Perhaps if you say a little more about you it will be easier to give you some specific suggestions. There is a life out there, I am going to get it and you can too. PM me if you don't want to post too much

Luckygirl I could not agree more. My exercise is using a trolley and walking up and down the aisles of my local Waitrose.

I have not been able to go for a walk for many years and I certainly could not ride a bike. I have a pinned and plated ankle and bilateral knee replacements.

"penfriends" = that brings back memories of teenage years long ago! I have made friends via interests using internet. Sadly some just stop contact and I know they must have died as were unwell. Others I have met up with face to face and they are not as I imagined them to be at all. Yes very frustrating with so much on pause button right now.

Stay safe everyone!

I don't mind being alone most of the time, but sometimes do get oh so lonely. I moved last year, a long way from my old home. My ex left 10 years ago after nearly 30 years together, and during that time he had eroded any self confidence I had. The move was to be my new start, and although getting on a bit I was determined to make the effort for new friends and interests, even though the thought terrifies me. Got my list of local groups, U3A and WI, then Corona hit! So it's just Ebony (lovely cat) and myself - conversation is a bit one sided, but she does answer sometimes. I really dread this awful situation continuing for another year or so, and in the meantime all I can do is try and keep busy, so yes, I'm ok alone, but do get lonely.

If you like writing, there is a hobby I've recently discovered called postcrossing, where you send postcards to people across the world and also receive them. During lockdown and beyond I've heard from people of all ages from countries like USA, Canada, Australia, China, Russia, Japan, Brunei, Finland, France, Netherlands and Ireland. It's possible to make penfriends from this too. Have a look www.postcrossing.com.

Gosh I do get fed up with people saying physical exercise is the route to well-being. I am sure that they are right and I would do it all if it were physically possible for me to do so!!

Many years ago I joined a theatre group and we visited various musicals and plays in London's west end.

I travelled on the bus coming and going on my own and although I sat with the others in the theatre, rarely did anybody speak to me. The only time anybody sat next to me on the bus was when it was the last seat.

Why? I was not a certain religion it would seem!

There is a group called U3A which is a national group that runs a whole host of activities with interest to suit all. They are very welcoming and a good place to meet new friends.

It's very hard to admit you are lonely.We moved to the 'Country' & I live half way up a mountain with DH.He has just retired but l long for some Femail type chats.He is getting Grumpier as he gets older & is constantly on his laptop & Earpods, not even watching TV with me now.I have travelled the world & held some high profile jobs but now feel worthless.My friends live a long way away & my Daughter & grandsons are in SAfrica.Not seen them for 2 years.We hv been here 12 years but due to illness 5 yrs ago, hvn't been able to join Groups & my neighbours are much Older & we are still outsiders.I hv tried to reach out to some likely ladies but we just dont click.I would love some Penpals.

I totally identify with what you say. I was asked by Age Uk if I would like to be be-friended! A lady makes a call to me every week now but it’s a totally boring conversation - just telling me about her aches and pains for 20 minutes. Good of her to give up her time, but we just don’t click!

You can't do it at the moment but when things get back to normal I suggest you go to your nearest National Trust house/garden and volunteer. I've been doing it since I retired 10 years ago and it's a wonderful way to meet people and make friends if you do a regular one or more days a week. There are also regular social events. I recommend it highly.

Hi there. I would like very much to be "pen pals". I'm not really lonely as in living alone. I live with my husband and daughter, and we are a very close little family, but I don't actually have any friends outside of that. My best friend passed away and other ones I had years ago just sort of drifted away over time - possibly because I have had carer responsibilities for my husband, who has health issues, and so have not had much social life. I do love chatting online though! I'm 64, love movies, books, tv series, video games and music. And animals, specially cats (got 4!) Love to hear from you if you fancy a chat.

I really know where you are coming from. I would love to go on city breaks, see the Northern Lights etc, but have no one to go with and I really don't fancy going on my own. My friends are married, have grandchildren now and I'm lucky to see them once a month and my sis is a home bird and isn't interested in travelling. I've looked online for local groups and there's nothing really, especially now, just loads of dating sites which I'm definitely not interested in lol

I went through a very lonely time when I left my husband after a long marriage and an empty nest, which resulted in depression. Fortunately I was still working so the routine during the week kept me sane. The weekends on my own were difficult at first, I found it very difficult to even get out of bed, and when I did, I suffered anxiety and panic attacks intially, but am ok now. I then joined a weekly evening class and a weekend walking group, which gave me something to look forward to. Lockdown was difficult as I saw no one for months. However while in lockdown I started and completed the Couch to 5km course via the BBC phone app. Physical exercise is definitely beneficial and I shall resume the local parkrun when it restarts, although now I shall be able to run the whole distance instead of part walking!. Parkrun encourages both running and walking the course and they always need volunteers. Over 300 people used to attend my local run and it was nice to see some 'regulars' for a post run chat.
It is hard making new friends as you get older but not impossible, join up to some groups and I'm sure you will find people in similar situations as I did. Good luck.

Sorry to hear that you have been lonely, if friends have not been around or they have broken down then it’s must be difficult to come to terms with.
I joined a Monday get together club at our local community
Club which helped me to meet other ladies sadly that’s all closed down at the moment.
Glad to know you are going to get out and join clubs. Good luck ??

I get what you say, especially about laughter,
it's difficult to achieve spontaneous humour.
Up for your suggestion, ham-strung at moment as unsure how to private message on the device I am using, would welcome throwing the coins of chance in the air with you, do contact and I will get back to you when I link up with my computer

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Do people really enjoy being on their own? Or is that a defence?

Can you find this thread Notinthemanual? only the other day... several lovely ladies have contacted me via pm.

Notinthemanual, I am far from lonely, living as I do with my son, daughter-in-law, and three grandchildren. However, I firmly believe that one can never have too many friends, and tend to treat everyone I meet as friends until they prove themselves to be otherwise. I'm 66, love music of all types, but mainly rock and blues, reading (when I get the time) handicrafts and people! I can be a good listener, but can also talk the hind leg off a donkey when I'm in the mood. Can be a bit Marmite..love me or hate me! If the foregoing doesn't scare you half to death, please do feel free to give me a shout in pm. Might be a bit slow to answer over the next couple of days, as my eldest granddaughter is 5 tomorrow and I have a birthday party to organise and party bags to make. If you don't like the sound of me, I won't be a bit put out if you choose not to make contact. Either way, I wish you all that is good and fulfilling in life