Only the Lonely. Inspired by Do People Enjoy Being Alone

given how hard it can be to make new friends as one gets older
Silverlining Not necessarily! Fuschiarose mentioned "penpals" which is different from face-to-face, which may or maybe not, a good idea.
I live on my own now, not very mobile thanks to Covid, but "me, myself and I" get along quite well, especially with the advent of Zoom!
We have almost daily sessions, mainly around computer related topics/problems and as a bonus there are usually ten very friendly ladies to us two gents.
And of course, we also have Gransnet with its equally friendly ladies, or women, as some prefer, so after all that chatting it's nice to have some "me-time' occasionally!
Good Health and Good Luck.
OoRoo

Sometimes we need some time on our own to recharge our batteries and get our thoughts in order. Absolutely nothing wrong with that IMO.
The trouble comes when some well meaning family or friends decide that you are "being maudling" that you must be dragged out from - whether you want to be or not!
I have always enjoyed my own company - being the middle one between the "brightest one" (went to Uni, had a decent teaching career) and "the chosen one" (parents chose to have a third child after my grandfather died) , I sort of got used to being the one that was just mediocre in everything that they did and melting into the background!
In fact I found that if I don't have at the very least a few hours completely on my own, my stress levels shoot up!
For those that feel worthless after trying to join groups etc, try volunteering . Doesn't have to be in a charity shop, there's a whole raft of voluntary jobs from helping people to learn IT to becoming a volunteer counselor or working with the CAB, or helping out in a hospital - a lot of volunteer positions are currently being done remotely.

I have felt lonely too at times but have two new friends on GN, one i have only met in person twice but we keep in touch regularly. She knows who she is, we were in a similar dreadful situation and she gave me kind and generous support after I posted my worries.
The other lives close by which means we can and do meet up for coffee and a good chat and given how hard it can be to make new friends as one gets older, I consider myself lucky as we have become friends.
Why not post in the meetup section of GN suggesting an area to meet and see what response you get, then you have more of a chance of meeting someone nearby. Good luck to you OP and everyone who has responded to your post.

Hello fuschiarose
Go to a message from the person who you want to contact.
Click on the three little pink dots in the bottom right hand corner.
Click on the PM envelope icon.
It will take you to were you can send a message.
The person will receive an email telling them to check their inbox.
They should also get a little bell icon showing on the inbox area.

How do we private message someone to ask if they want to be penpals on here?

Helping others can reduce loneliness Kargento. Although there's not as much opportunity to do so at the moment.
But sometimes after taking care of ourselves and family members what is needed is just a coffee and chat or a walk with a friend.
I have M.E. which is unpredictable. Hence I can't volunteer and making new friends is difficult as when you cancel too often people drift away. Old friends understood.

Supporting my three grandchildren and my son in law coming
to terms with my daughters suicide and trying to help my
grandchildren to separate their mother from her illness is for
me helping others

Doing something to help others often reduces loneliness.

So sorry to hear about your situation Anniebach. I think you’re right, life can deal us some terrible blows. Have you thought about contacting Age UK? They offer a befriending service if you’re interested. In the meantime take care, and hope things improve.

This is loneliness and not from choice
Annie Sorry to see you still have problems Do you still have Fred? You were about to have confidence-boosting lessons from someone from the Salvos, but then heard no more.
As you may recall, I got hitched to Freda, but we haven't been going out together much, what with Covid and some wintry weather.
Did you manage to work through that agoraphobia info.?
Wishing you Well

Anniebach I'm so sorry. You've had so nuch loss to deal with and your illness. I remember you talking about getting a mobility scooter I think? Can you not use it any longer or have I got that wrong? I wish I lived close. We could have a good old debate about you-know-what ?

So many of us lonely in different ways for different reasons. One of my two best friends died two years ago. The other stopped speaking a year ago because of something I said but won't tell me what. (Not so much what I said but how I said it. I'm still none the wiser!) I told her it was childish. We've been friends since we were five.
Its almost impossible to replace best friends. It takes years to build up a good relationship. I do make an effort and in normal times I have fun and chat at classes etc. But its not the same as a close friend who knows you well and with whom you have shared things over many years.
And you only "click" with a few people in life in that way I think.
I so miss the friend who died. We went circle dancing,camping, were on the church committee together and we laughed a lot and were always there for each other.. But I'm so grateful to have had her. I try to be thankful for that.
I rarely see my children but it is what it is.

Thank you BoBo, yes a lot in 11 months , just explaining some are very lonely because of what life throws at then and
not because they don’t make an effort to do something about
their loneliness, and to pile it on I was widowed very young,
so loneliness is not always a choice

Oh my goodness Anniebach! So very sorry for the loss of your daughter and friends and your ill health. Sending love and hugs!

2017 I moved house, two close friends died, one moved away,
My darling daughter died, my three grandchildren moved away straight after her death, my arthritis became much worse
and now I can’t leave my house.

No friends , no family near, since lockdown I don’t even see my physiotherapist,

This is loneliness and not from choice.

I was upset probably just having a bad day - sorry! Yes I do invite folk for coffee, meals etc when able but it’s always me with the invitations. Then I’ll hear same ‘friends’ will get together without me. I always try to help out anyone in need hence the flowers, cards etc but it’s female company I really need. I am happily married and have a family but my husband knows how I yearn for friends who would just seem to bother about me even just a little!

Bobo53, what did your comment mean? Are you annoyed that no one got back straight away? Have I misunderstood your comment? I have been out and busy all day, I suppose lots of people are but it doesn't mean they are not bothered.
Do you invite people for coffee? What are the cards of thanks for? It takes time building a friendship, I think everyone needs to ask themselves what sort of friendship they would like.

Well that certainly brought the conversation to a halt. Thanks everyone you've made my day!

I'm in North Derbyshire.

My local Morrisons is on the edge of a roundabout and how people get there without a car is beyond me. Even with a car, it is difficult because my local council think we should be walking or biking- difficult with heavy loads of shopping but he is a man, possibly never had to lug it all home.

Thank you Sparkling for your kind message. I certainly do make time for a coffee locally, particularly when there have been such good offers around, ie half price cafe in Morrisons during August - am hoping they extend it!

I emailed one GN but she lived rather too far away for days out or whatever. Maybe mention where people live if you want to meet for a coffee or whatever.

BoBo I agree re the latter statement. I live in London and when life was more normal, I met two different lots of GNs at meetups, each was once a month and we all got on so well. The meetup closer to my home has been going for around 5 years now. There are only 4 of us now but we get on so well.

I have 4 email friends- I met one of them when we met up. She lives the other side of London so it is not possible to meet for coffee or lunch yet.

I've struggled all my life making friends. I am very independent being the only child of older parents who seemed more interested in bridge than me and people see me I think as very self contained. I don't think people dislike me just feel perhaps that I don't need the closeness of friendship. I get lots of flowers and cards of thanks but how I long for an invitation to go out for a coffee instead.

Herbie9, this pandemic has been particularly hard on people in your position, recently widowed and stuck in most of the time until the recent relaxation in lock down rules. Glad you are getting out a bit, you can stretch the time out by having a coffee or a drink. I airways feel better after a few hours out of the house. Keep looking at the various posts, if anything it shows that what you are feeling is quite common.
Notinthmanual, it seems your post has touched a lot of people and I do hope you are feeling more optimistic. At times I wonder how we have all coped as we have. One thing for certain we will never forget these times. when we were living life frantically, juggling family and job it was never a thought to getting old and lonely.

Polnan Thank you... It was that post that inspired this post. Good to hear some Grans got in touch with you. I hesitated, unsure whether PM might be overstepping. Not sure why, so I'll PM you later.