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DiL wants a divorce I’m devastated

(80 Posts)
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BlueBelle Fri 23-Oct-20 07:20:50

This is one big pickle
Am I presuming she’s much older than your son if she has two sons of working age ? One of her sons stays around the house smoking weed all day and the other is under police investigation what ever made your son marry her, move into this house and bring three young babies into the middle of this awful situation which sounds very unsafe for babies

I agree with others the best you can do is help him get a good solicitor and get out of this very unhealthy house hopefully with his babies who shouldn’t be breathing in cannabis fumes or living with police coming to the house
This isn’t going to be mended over night though Does the GP, health visitors or social workers know about all these undesirable things happening around the children

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FannyCornforth Fri 23-Oct-20 06:09:42

Poor bloke, and poor you too.flowers
He is absolutely well rid of her.
I hope that things get better for you both soon.

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NotSpaghetti Fri 23-Oct-20 06:04:01

So sorry for this mess and the pain involved.
I think you should read back to yourself what is written here. It's clear that it's not a healthy relationship and your son would be better out of it so long as he can still see the children.

If he's able, could he go for joint custody? The truth is, if he really is supporting this extended family to this extent, three little ones half-time should be doable.

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agnurse Fri 23-Oct-20 05:11:25

The reality is that as a parent, you're not an unbiased observer. What's going on between them is between them as adults. Your best bet is not to get involved. Your son needs a good solicitor and your access to the children needs to be through him.

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Granb3 Fri 23-Oct-20 02:06:36

My DiL has told my son she wants a divorce they have 3 babies under 5. He hasn’t cheated, been violent or committed any other act worthy of divorce. He can’t get on with her children, certainly not through a want of trying. They are all adults and live with them. His argument is that they contribute nothing to the household (financialy or physically) and have never treated him with any respect. They are only ever nice to him if they want something. He feels excluded all the time. Whenever he complains to DiL she threatens him with splitting up. He’s desperately unhappy as he’s still in love with her and adores his children. He works really hard as a delivery driver often long hours but comes home cleans and helps with the babies. He’s concerned about her oldest son being in the house all the time, he smokes weed and can’t hold down a job. The other son is under investigation by the police. It doesn’t matter what goes on in the house They are never challenged and their are never any consequences because she’s afraid they will fall out with her. I’m at my wits end all of our family have suggested counselling (she won’t go) my son has seen a councillor who says he is being emotionally abused. I think she doesn’t love him anymore and he’s being pushed out. I’m terrified he will loose his children and I won’t get to see them anymore. He’s exhausted from supporting 4 adults and 3 babies and has been feeling suicidal. He keeps hanging on and provided he toes the line and doesn’t complain He says it’s doable. They had an argument and she now says she wants a divorce.
He’s in absolute pieces and has spent a few days with us. My OH just wants him to leave her and get out. Her other Ex’s didn’t see her children after they split up. I have loved my DiL and always wanted to be friends but she keeps me at arms length and I’m afraid to say anything to her in case we row and she doesn’t let me see the children. I’m also afraid that if I open my mouth I won’t stop! I’m heart broken and afraid for my sons life

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