Gransnet forums



(14 Posts)
Introvert55 Tue 03-Nov-20 09:31:53

I am looking for advice about something that is happening that I can't really describe other than it seems a bit like compartmentalising. I've been with my husband over 30 years but in the last about 18 months I have noticed some changes in his behaviour. There have been several things which have made me question whether I'm going crazy, although it definitely feels that craziness is being forced upon me.

Introvert55 Tue 03-Nov-20 09:32:25

The first event I noticed was sometime last year where he said he was going to walk round to a relative's house. As I was getting changed to go with him I heard the door close. He said afterwards that it was because he didn't think I was going with him. But the strange thing was he hadn't asked if I was going - normally he would - and he hadn't actually said goodbye when he left.

I have a close relationship with this relative so it's not like I wouldn't want to go. Also, my husband and I have a stable enough relationship for him to say if he wanted to spend some time alone with this relative.

This example may not sound much but it is only one example of several instances where it feels like he is semi excluding me from parts of his life. He is approaching 60 so could that have something to do with it?

Nonogran Tue 03-Nov-20 10:08:35

We change as we get older. On this particular point, sometimes we just need a bit of space. If you have always been the sort of couple who are "joined at the hip" maybe he just needs time out every now & again?
Unless you suspect he could be "up to mischief" when he goes out, why not occasionally take yourself off for a solo walk for "some fresh air?" We all need time to think and be alone even if it's just during a quick stroll around the corner to see family. Let him off the leash .....

Introvert55 Tue 03-Nov-20 10:32:44

Thank you for your reply. I probably didn't explain it very well. I'm not the sort of wife who doesn't let him off the leash, I've always been naturally very relaxed about time apart, for instance when he's been on business trips.
Regards walking, both he and I will walk the dog independently of one another, although we mostly walk together.
I'm wondering if it's more to do with a transient memory issue rather than any mischief. Something is odd, for sure.

Woodmouse Tue 03-Nov-20 10:55:31

OP, is your husband asking for more time alone/space?

lemsip Tue 03-Nov-20 11:00:30

Ask the person he is visiting! see if they've noticed anything different... That's after you've asked your husband of course!

Introvert55 Tue 03-Nov-20 11:09:44

My husband has never asked for more time alone. In fact, he will often seek me out if I'm doing my own thing when, say, he's finished watching sport. Little things, like, he'll offer me a cup of tea, suggestive of wanting to be in my company.

Introvert55 Tue 03-Nov-20 11:14:03

The person he visited on that occasion last year - she has health issues so I wouldn't want to worry her. She did, however, ask me a couple of months ago if he was alright and I intimated that I didn't think he was but that he had a hospital appointment coming up to get checked out for back pain. The phrase she used was that she thought 'that's not my [blank] sitting in front of me'. Since then, she has had her own major health scares so I cannot talk to her about it.

kittylester Tue 03-Nov-20 11:18:13

I think memory issues should be ruled out. Would you dh go to the gp? If not you could tell the gp that you are concerned and ask him/her to do an assessment next time your husband consults them. Bit more difficult during a lockdown.

FarNorth Tue 03-Nov-20 11:21:33

Did the relative give any other info on what she thought the difference was?

I wonder if he may have had a TIA (small stroke) which can happen without being noticed.

sparklingsilver28 Tue 03-Nov-20 11:42:58

Introvert55 If my reading correct it seems your H behaviour very unusual. I do not want to worry you, but in your shoes I would keep a diary of these lapses. And then seek the help of the relative he is visiting for there reading on things. And then if still concerned have a word with your GP.

sparklingsilver28 Tue 03-Nov-20 11:46:17

Just noticed the relative has noticed something different in your H. So time to mention this to your GP.

cornishpatsy Tue 03-Nov-20 12:33:34

Could you tell him that you have concerns and give examples. It may just be that he is preoccupied with something.

Woodmouse Tue 03-Nov-20 15:32:57

Introvert55, so it really seems as though his mind is elsewhere? Do you feel as though he is being secretive/evasive about where he has been?