Loyal to my son.

May I suggest your son find a storage unit in Germany close by, then he can hire someone to move them to storage.
That way they are no longer the responsibility of the ex-girlfriend or her family. He should be able to do this with the help of the internet, allowing you to step away from the situation.

He can then deal with the items whenever he gets a chance to return. There may be some issues moving personal goods from one country to another, especially now with Uk out of EU., and of course Covid.

Amanda, has your son asked you to deal with this for him? If you have a cordial relationship with his ex IL’s and he wants you to deal with it then fair enough, but maybe ask him if he hasn’t specifically tasked you with this?
I would find it a bit odd to have my ex SIL’s mum contact me instead of him - maybe even a message from him to them saying that you’re logistically better placed to do it would make it a bit less odd. That’s assuming his things haven’t already been disposed off given the timeframe involved.

Give him a period of time and move on..
Evil autocorrect

OP

If your son wanted his belongings back and truly needed them, he would have done something about it.

Personally, as his ex, I would give them a period of time to retrieve them and move in

If his mother contacted me for this purpose, I would find it truly weird and out of place

I can understand you wanting to help amanda we all have that inbuilt heart to want to save, love and help out our kids but honestly at 28 and the ability and confidence to travel the world applying and getting good jobs on the way it really is his business to sort his own goods and belongings out and not yours at all
If his belongings mean anything to him then he needs to find and pay for a courier to get them back I m sure the German parents don’t want them cluttering up their house either

There are also usually faults on both sides when there is a break up and it’s by far the best to stay as neutral as possible
I m sure she didn’t stay with him for two years just to be ‘fixed’ and I m sure he didn’t stay with her just to be her counsellor !!

For some reason the post to David0205 didn’t post so I did it again, it’s now posted twice. Oops.

David0205

Don’t support him more than the bare minimum, he has “Bummed” his way round the world for 5 yrs, it’s way past the time that he learned to do something useful and take responsibility. He will probably want to sponge off you, don’t let him!.

The German girlfriend probably was very nice, women have an inbuilt instinct to choose a man that can “look after them”, she decided that he was not a good prospect.

David0205,

Maybe I should of said that my son started working in restaurants when he was 14 and has worked his way up. He is now a sous chef working along side the head chef. Nothing casual about his work.

He had to work on the farm to get his second year visa.

He certainly isn’t a drifter, I actually think he has learnt a lot more about life skills travelling the world instead of working 16 hours per day in kitchens which he did for 3 years solid.

He has actually worked in Michelin star restaurants all over with many famous chefs.

I agree that there are many children that live off their parents for far too many years but my son isn’t one of them.

David0205

sodapop

That was an unpleasant and uncalled for post David0205

Leave your son to sort this out Amandajs there are men with vans who transport small amounts from one country to another. Obviously not at present though. No reason why you should not keep in touch with the girlfriend, these things usually peter out of their accord over time.

Working your way around the world is an excuse for not committing to a career. Nothing wrong with a gap year but 5 yrs does nothing to help help the vast majority, they just drift. At 28 he should have learned a skill and be able to earn a good living, working on farms and casual restaurant work means he comes back at the bottom of the pile for work.

That’s my view, don’t knock me because I have a different opinion, all parents want the best for their children globe trotting does nothing for long term prospects.

David0205,

Maybe I should of said that my son started working in restaurants when he was 14 and has worked his way up. He is now a sous chef working along side the head chef. Nothing casual about his work.

He had to work on the farm to get his second year visa.

He certainly isn’t a drifter, I actually think he has learnt a lot more about life skills travelling the world instead of working 16 hours per day in kitchens which he did for 3 years solid.

He has actually worked in Michelin star restaurants all over with many famous chefs.

I agree that there are many children that live off their parents for far too many years but my son isn’t one of them.

He has a career as a chef which, with all his added experience from his travels, will serve him very well.

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I’m sure any communications between the 2 families will run its cause in time. I will look into getting my sons items back in the new year. xx

He's a chef.

sodapop

That was an unpleasant and uncalled for post David0205

Leave your son to sort this out Amandajs there are men with vans who transport small amounts from one country to another. Obviously not at present though. No reason why you should not keep in touch with the girlfriend, these things usually peter out of their accord over time.

Working your way around the world is an excuse for not committing to a career. Nothing wrong with a gap year but 5 yrs does nothing to help help the vast majority, they just drift. At 28 he should have learned a skill and be able to earn a good living, working on farms and casual restaurant work means he comes back at the bottom of the pile for work.

That’s my view, don’t knock me because I have a different opinion, all parents want the best for their children globe trotting does nothing for long term prospects.

Why get involved? Your son is perfectly capable of recovering his belongings.

If you want to remain friends with the ex, it is your (yours and the ex) choice, but please dont have a hidden agenda.

I would be neutral, there are ways to support your son without taking sides

Surely your son should ask his ex's family to pack his belongings up and send them back to him in UK or Australia. there are plenty of courier companies who could do this. All he/you need do is pay for the transport.

That was an unpleasant and uncalled for post David0205

Leave your son to sort this out Amandajs there are men with vans who transport small amounts from one country to another. Obviously not at present though. No reason why you should not keep in touch with the girlfriend, these things usually peter out of their accord over time.

It may be easier for you to arrange for the return of his goods to you in a pleasant manner as your son is still hurting. After that, I’d just see how it goes, the loose friendship with the family may well just peter out.

David0205

Don’t support him more than the bare minimum, he has “Bummed” his way round the world for 5 yrs, it’s way past the time that he learned to do something useful and take responsibility. He will probably want to sponge off you, don’t let him!.

The German girlfriend probably was very nice, women have an inbuilt instinct to choose a man that can “look after them”, she decided that he was not a good prospect.

David0205,
He has actually worked his way around the world. He’s a chef and apart from spending 10 months working on a farm in Australia he has always worked in restaurants.

As for the girlfriend, sadly she was quite broken ( her words ) when she met my son. Her words again, apparently he fixed her so she doesn’t need him anymore.

He doesn’t ask for anything from us, I literally have to force money on him for birthdays, Christmas etc...

I wouldn’t get involved at all to be honest. Let them sort it out together. It’s too difficult at the moment anyway, and it is only ‘ stuff’, which can be replaced.

Why does your son not make his own arrangements to have his own belongings returned? It would be a reasonable request that the girlfriend's parent would not find unreasonable.

Why would your son have to cut all ties with the girl friend's mother? Has she become hostile, or aggressive towards him?

Don’t support him more than the bare minimum, he has “Bummed” his way round the world for 5 yrs, it’s way past the time that he learned to do something useful and take responsibility. He will probably want to sponge off you, don’t let him!.

The German girlfriend probably was very nice, women have an inbuilt instinct to choose a man that can “look after them”, she decided that he was not a good prospect.

I not 8 ...

I disagree with people who say 'keep in touch'. I have a friend who did that with all her son's many girlfriends, and it just got silly. I would keep a courteous distance. 8 wouldn't even get involved with trying to get his stuff back. Adult children have to deal with adult challenges...

There are quite a lot of drivers who go to and fro europe, we have used one As a family member lives in Germany. It worked well and wasnt too expensive . just googled and i got lots of different quotes from different drivers.

Amandajs66 My son had a few boxes brought back to UK from Germany when he was posted there a few years ago.
If you look on line for local a German Newspaper from the region the family live in you may find a driver who does regular trips back and forth,you will be charged for the space the boxes take up in a van.

Riverwalk

There are freight companies that deal with this sort of thing.

Some years ago a friend had her daughters belongings brought from France by a company - probably a car boot full in volume. I don't know the cost but the friend isn't wealthy so I assume it was reasonable, taking into account the value of the goods.

But that might not be economical if your son's stuff is just sleeping bags, old clothes, saucepans etc.

Thanks for the info Riverwalk, I will definitely look into getting the items transported over for my son.
I have no idea what he has stored in Germany but he has said he wants it all back. xx