Heartbreaking to have a ten month granddaughter in Australia

Whatever the distance, my children simply wouldn't allow any contact with grandchildren anyway - out of concern for my health. They want me to isolate and stay safe. I agree that it's the only sensible option.

I'm just absolutely flabbergasted that so many people are still taking little risks, such as going into supermarkets, walking with friends, forming unnecessary 'bubbles', looking after children - all in the middle of a deadly pandemic!

It is very difficult but it's a fact and finding a way to make it work is the only thing you can do. This does no mean you don't miss the, or cry or occasionally devastated by your longing for them but how you make it work has to be your aim.

Migration is very hard on everyone. When they were in their early 20 s some of my children went to live in London for a year or two. They visited their grandarents quite often whilst there. At that stage there were no grandchildren on the scene but it was still hard. They returned here to Australia and all had children but it made me realise what our parents had gone through when we left. I had a bit of a cry about it. It is easier now than it was then with better technology but still not good. Funnily enough, though, I had a good relationship with my MIL from afar and we never got on very well when we lived in the uk.

I didn't see my first Aussi GC until she was 18 months old and my second until he was 6 months old. I found I just had to make up my mind that this was how it was and I would make the best of it. My DiL is wonderful at keeping me up to date with their progress and technology has been a God send. I haven't been back to Australia since the visit to 18 month old GD, son and DiL but they come over every two to three years.

I have a very different relationship with the children than I would have had if they had been nearby but it is just as good and just as important and I frequently thank my DiL's mum for doing double granny duty as she is such a lovely person but has carried the weight of the half-terms and holidays, flying down to help out and no doubt, flying home happy but exhausted.

I do try to think about what I can do, rather than what I can't do. They are 12 and 10 now and I do feel we have a really good relationship.

The virus has made little difference. My son came over for a week when my mother died and got back just a week before Australia shut down. We always thought mum had good timing so I thank her for what was a blessing in so many ways. I've just been watching videos of them on holiday as they are not back to school yet. My GD is learning to surf. That made me realise in an even deeper way that they are better off where they are at the moment in more ways than I could ever expect.

(Wendy010 - I think you need to start a new thread with that post )

Hi All. Have a conundrum I’d like help with. I need to understand the psychology of something. My partner of 8 years is very comfortable financially. I’m okish. I ask for nothing. I get nothing! I pay my own way except for holidays which he chooses - of course, he’s paying and I can’t afford to do otherwise. He has a son he sees, but his son doesn’t include my OH in his life at all. He has a daughter who lives in London (we’re in South Yorkshire) who he hasn’t seen for 5 years. She rarely contacts him and won’t acknowledge I exist. His ex wife left him well before we met btw. My son and daughter are a regular part of our lives. We have 2 beautiful grandchildren who think the world of him. My daughter sees my OH as a step dad although he recently admitted he doesn’t feel comfortable with that. I think because he’s worried it’ll upset his tenuous relationship with his kids??
At Christmas I got a present but little thought had gone into it. My kids and our grandkids got nothing. He bought his daughter a running machine. She always makes contact around Christmas funnily enough. I can deal with that but he also bought a friend of ours a lovely little gift because he knew she’d love it -which is nice, but strange?. We’ve only met her twice btw when we stayed at her B&B. She is lovely but we don’t really know her. It feels like he buys gifts for people who don’t care about him but ignores the people who give value to his life!?? His Will reflects this theme too (he doesn’t know I’ve seen it). I get next to nothing. His kids get everything. I will even have to move out of our home as it’s his house and his kids will want me out. It’s all very money oriented which I hate - but feel I’m also at risk in some way of being ‘after his money’ too??? I love him but it’s getting hard to stay. I feel not valued? But should gifts/money imply value??? I’m confused. Please help!!! ?

We were one of those families who went to live in Australia in our 20s. I now realise how hard it must have been for our parents not seeing their grandchildren but at the time we didn’t really think about it that much. We used to go to the uk from time to time but not that often because we had 4 kids and it was too expensive. One of my regrets in life that we didn’t make more effort. I have many grandchildren now and we see all of them several times a year, some more often which is a blessing. We are all in Victoria, Australia.

Good to read so many supportive comments and that we are not alone. Trying to stay positive but is very hard. As you say this time we can ever get back. When adult children go overseas to live and raise a family they and we never thought we would be banned from visiting and not know for how long. My grandchildren live in Thailand and it is the strictest country in the world. Won't allow visitors from high risk cou tries and that of course includes UK even after vaccines, until.they have evidence re its efficacy and until.their own populations have been vaccinated. Even my family can't come here to visit as they need to quarantine for 2 weeks in an expensive hotel when they return as well as quarantining on arrival here. Its just not feasible. As many if you say, the important thing is that they are safe and happy there but it's so hard......any tips for coping?

Family and grandchildren in Netherlands, Canada, UK.Not able to see any of them at moment. That is price we pay for raising enterprising confident children. I am happy they have made a good life for themselves even though it is far away from us.

I live in Australia as do my granddaughters - i havent seen them for almost a year because of all our border closures - so near and yet so far!

Lucca It is because FO chooses to ignore the facts about the progress and effects of CoVid in the US (and the rest of the world), and the value of vaccination in the control of infectious illness. It seems that Yogagirl is of the same view.

I’m sure it must be hard having family so far away but isn’t there every chance you will be able to go and see them later this year?

Now we have two vaccines up and running, and more in the pipeline, things should look very different by the summer and overseas travel should once again be possible.

Something positive to concentrate on!

Very interesting FunOma Thanks for sharing. I'm going to pass that on to family & friends.

FunOma

"The CDC's overall IFR estimate implies that COVID-19, while not nearly as lethal as many people initially feared, is about six times as deadly as the seasonal flu. But as with the flu, the risk is highest for the elderly, and the difference in the case of COVID-19 is huge. The estimated IFR for people in their 70s is 11 times the rate for 50-to-69-year-olds, 270 times the rate for 20-to-49-year-olds, and 1,800 times the rate for people younger than 20. In the latter two groups, the estimated IFR is lower than the overall IFR for the seasonal flu."

"The CDC's latest death counts indicate that the crude case fatality rate is around 28 percent for patients 85 or older and 18 percent for 75-to-84-year-olds. That rate falls to about 8 percent for 65-to-74-year-olds, 2 percent for 50-to-64-year-olds, 0.6 percent for patients in their 40s, 0.2 percent for patients in their 30s, 0.06 percent for patients in their late teens and early 20s, 0.02 percent for 5-to-17-year-olds, and 0.04 percent for children 4 and younger."

reason.com/2020/09/29/the-latest-cdc-estimates-of-covid-19s-infection-fatality-rate-vary-dramatically-with-age/

It does vary from country to country. In the Netherlands fewer people have died of Covid thus far, than died during the flu of 2018.

Sorry but why is this on a thread about grandchildren living in Australia??

nanny2507

lucca my comment was only relating to the pain of missing them. I am not talking about how long or how much it costs.

Yes I know, but the pain will be relatively short lived won’t it, compared to the permanence of family who live on the other side of the world.

Of interest too.

"There is absolutely no need for vaccines to extinguish the pandemic. I’ve never heard such nonsense talked about vaccines. You do not vaccinate people who aren’t at risk from a disease. You also don’t set about planning to vaccinate millions of fit and healthy people with a vaccine that hasn’t been extensively tested on human subjects." ~ Former Pfizer VP
Interessant artikel door dezelfde man:
""I believe I have provided more than adequate evidence that a significant proportion (30%) of the population went into 2020 armed with T-cells capable of defending them against SAR-CoV-2, even though they had never seen the virus. This is because they’d been previously infected by one of more common cold-producing coronaviruses. SAGE was naively wrong to assume “everyone was susceptible”.

lockdownsceptics.org/what-sage-got-wrong/

Elegran, testing positive does not mean you actually have Covid. The PCR test only shows you have a segment of DNA from an earlier Covid virus, or other Corona virus. The inventor of the PCR test specifically said it is not to diagnose illness with, yet that is what they are doing.

"The CDC's overall IFR estimate implies that COVID-19, while not nearly as lethal as many people initially feared, is about six times as deadly as the seasonal flu. But as with the flu, the risk is highest for the elderly, and the difference in the case of COVID-19 is huge. The estimated IFR for people in their 70s is 11 times the rate for 50-to-69-year-olds, 270 times the rate for 20-to-49-year-olds, and 1,800 times the rate for people younger than 20. In the latter two groups, the estimated IFR is lower than the overall IFR for the seasonal flu."

"The CDC's latest death counts indicate that the crude case fatality rate is around 28 percent for patients 85 or older and 18 percent for 75-to-84-year-olds. That rate falls to about 8 percent for 65-to-74-year-olds, 2 percent for 50-to-64-year-olds, 0.6 percent for patients in their 40s, 0.2 percent for patients in their 30s, 0.06 percent for patients in their late teens and early 20s, 0.02 percent for 5-to-17-year-olds, and 0.04 percent for children 4 and younger."

reason.com/2020/09/29/the-latest-cdc-estimates-of-covid-19s-infection-fatality-rate-vary-dramatically-with-age/

It does vary from country to country. In the Netherlands fewer people have died of Covid thus far, than died during the flu of 2018.

It's tough not seeing family, especially grandchildren. There's a new one that I've only seen on Zoom.

However, it's well worth the sacrifice now, to keep everyone safe.

I intend to do my very best to avoid catching (and spreading) Covid, to survive, to be around in the future.

What could be more important?

I too have GC in Canada and France. When the steel shutters slam down and you are barred from international travel, that’s when the despair sets in. The knowledge that you are absolutely unable to visit or the family come to you is truly devastating . If your GC are in the same country as you then thank your lucky stars.

lucca my comment was only relating to the pain of missing them. I am not talking about how long or how much it costs.

We have a 2 year old granddaughter in Melbourne. Thank goodness we managed to get out there Feb/March last year and also saw her Christmas 2019 when the family came over here. We would definitely have visited this year but obviously Covid put paid to that. Have to make do with FaceTime and videos our daughter sends to us of her. Not the same as giving her a big hug though. ?

my granddaughter , thankfully, is not in australia\ but it feels like it sometimes, up to march we looked after her quite a lot but now, nothing of course, i realise i am not the only one but its the feeling that you are growing away from them or they are growing away from you, my grandaughter is 14 now so growing up. we can never get back these times without them. i do think your situation is worse being so so far away and it is so frustrating,

3 of my adult children live in Oz. 2 in Perth and 1 in Sydney. I have an almost 4 GD and a 7 month old baby GS in Perth. I was over their for a family wedding from November, arriving home at the end of January. My trip over for Gs’s birth had to be cancelled, so we have only met via the internet. Luckily everyone is very good at keeping in contact. I saw the baby playing, having his bath and bedtime bottle this morning. My GD often comes on for a chat over her breakfast, or for me to read her a bedtime story.
I hope to stay alive and well enough to visit them at least once more, but heaven knows when. In the meantime I make the most of the wonderful technology which enables us to ‘visit’ frequently, remembering how difficult it was to keep in touch 22 years ago when DD was the first to emigrate.
Yes, it’s tough not to be able to give them a hug, but many people have it far worse.

nanny2507

distance is irrelevant. I have a GD 2.5 hours away. I,ve seen her twice in a year...its killing me. I have a new GD due in 4 weeks and i bet i cant even see here when she arrives. its heartbreaking

I’m sorry but that is simply not true that distance is irrelevant. When the pandemic is more under control and you are allowed to visit and hug family, how long will it take you to get there ? 2.5 hours .
Family in Australia means minimum 24 hours expensive air travel possibly once a year if lucky. I understand you miss your grandchildren but please don’t say distance is irrelevant.

distance is irrelevant. I have a GD 2.5 hours away. I,ve seen her twice in a year...its killing me. I have a new GD due in 4 weeks and i bet i cant even see here when she arrives. its heartbreaking