My husband retired early about five years ago and got into a routine. When Covid hit last March, one of our daughters, and her boyfriend, had to leave London and come to live with us as they both lost their jobs because of the virus. They are both very messy and my daughter has mental health issues that cause this and a lot of what my husband and I say or do acts as triggers to her.
My husband and daughter have always had a very rocky relationship and he will dwell on things that she hasn't done (such as put her clothes away, cleaned the bathroom etc) and then blow his top at her if she happens to point out something he may have done 'wrong'.
We asked them to contribute towards the cost of their food, which was difficult as neither of them was working for the first five months, but the boyfriend raided his savings as he realised it was getting difficult for my husband not to have any sort of contribution. Since then, our daughter has found a job (which she hates) and is on furlough at the moment, so she does have some money. She has only paid us one lot of food money since October and gets annoyed when we mention it to her.
We had a great Christmas and New Year, and then hubby and daughter had a big row (because hubby came into the kitchen while daughter and I were busy cooking, and he was getting in the way of both of us) and hubby wants to throw them both out. He even suggested we use the money my parents left me when they died to give them something to live on and hope that the brutality of what he wants to do will force them both to get better jobs. I told him I thought he was being unreasonable and that my parents would hate what he's trying to do.
I agree with him that they're both too messy and that they should both have jobs and pay their way, but there are very few jobs and too many people going for them, and I wonder if he would throw a physically disabled person out on the street when they have very little to help them survive.
I'm considering moving out, as I am appalled at this side of his personality that my husband is showing, but that would definitely mean our daughter and her boyfriend would be evicted if hubby is left to his own devices. I feel like a referee between my own family. They're both grown up, so I don't think I should have to do this. I'm at my wits end and have started over-eating and drinking, and am having panic attacks because of hubby's continued nastiness.
He isn't like this with anyone else - he bends over backwards to help his mum and sister (who treat him like dirt and are always leaving him out of 'family' things), or other people (always female) who aren't any part of our family. It's like he does this so that people tell him what a good person he is. He's Jeckyll and Hyde.
I may be getting this out of proportion, so I'd appreciate any pearls of wisdom some of you might have.
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