Articles from MIL’s house

We're in the process of moving at the moment after 43 years here. Both in our late 60's. The task of clearing the shed and garage has been left to my hubby, can't believe the amount of stuff he's packed to come with us most that I don't think he's used in years. I'm trying to clear the loft and had a few boxes to go to the charity shop he keeps taking out books (bearing in mind they've been in the loft for years and he's never even looked at them) he's going through everything.
I have 1 box of mementos (pictures, cards and things related to our sons that I want to keep).
Getting really worried that as we're downsizing we're going to be buried in stuff.

You are right Floriel, about the word "Dostadning' and a lovely book called "The Gentle Art Of Swedish Death Cleaning: How To Free Yourself and Your Family From A Lifetime Of Clutter" by Margareta Magnusson. It is kind and gentle read and by a woman who is in her later years, left alone and having to clear her home ready for the next generation. Not at all judgmental and full of really useful ideas. I recommend it for encouragement and support during a difficult time

My brother and mother died and I have finished emptying brothers house, mothers is ongoing. I brought back a lot of stuff from brothers house, to sort, I sold and gave away most of it, and put a box in the loft for important documents letters and photos. I still have useful things like tools and a hoover, but gradually things are going. My husband is a hoarder, though he doesn't see it, he still has stuff that was his mothers, sewing machine lamps clocks plates etc from 30 years ago, I don't complain about those, 10 picnik baskets, 6 king size quilts, pictures that have never and will never be hung, mugs and kitchen ware, books bought from charity shops and never read (he's not a reader) enough Xmas decorations for a dozen trees, do bother me, but not as much as the stuff he pulls out of skips because it might be useful one day bothers me even more. I recently heard him tell his brother that he can't get his car in the garage due to my brothers stuff being in there, the truth is the stuff for the charity shop is sat there waiting for shops to reopen, but he can't get his car in because the door is barackaded with 'stuff' he has brought home and at least 3 awnings for his campervan, tool boxes old chest of drawers etc.

Hi, yes we have over many years inherited things sentimental and practical, but have gradually pared it down until it is mainly manageable, but it is difficult. Also DH has collected a large amount of china over many years plus other things our AC have no interest in so he is gradually selling them off on the net, we have had the pleasure of looking at them over many years and have acted as their custodians over this time, they have been loved and cherished so he looks on it as passing them on to those who will get pleasure from them we are reaping the rewards financially.

My friend was dreading clearing her uncle’s house after he died. She knew that he was a hoarder, and spent a lot of his spare time trawling car boot sales and auctions, so was expecting to find rooms full of junk.
Imagine her surprise to find drawers and cupboards full of watches and jewellery, some of it very valuable. It has been a huge job to sort it, get it all valued, and dispose of most of it. She has finally ended up with a few very special jewellery momentos, and a very healthy bank balance!

Moving house so finally emptied out bulging loft, have chosen about 30%of my beloved books to lose, now sitting in binbags with all trustworthy charities closed, bag after bag if clothes to charities before they shut, ridiculous amount to skip, and now my mum and brother have died within a few weeks of each other... A whole new house full to wrench things from and try to narrow down, so hard... But, I will not clutter new house, so must try and be firm with myself. It is not easy, but it is good to feel able to let things go, especially to a good charity. I think childhoods can affect one's need to feel secure surrounded by possessions. Sometimes sorting through these issues with a gentle, kind person can help.

What is it with men and hoarding.

Mine won’t let go of hardly anything either.
He also can’t refuse a freebie. If anyone gives him something for nothing, he takes it, no questions asked. It doesn’t matter if he wants it or needs it, he will take it.

Consequently, our house is cluttered up with a lot of useless rubbish. He was recently given a huge Yamaha digital piano.
Between the two of us we managed to get it up the spiral staircase only to find it didn’t work. Now I have this huge monstrosity taking up valuable space in my spare bedroom and I am feeling very angry and annoyed about it.

My husband still has a hand-cranking air raid siren in the loft and we’ve moved twice! I wonder if I could use it at the end of lockdown to sound the all clear. I must admit he has less stuff than me but at least if he moans about it I can remind him of the siren. I have found I like less clutter since lock down as it is easier to clean without it. I got rid of a lot of antiques when I married and would hate to have stuff in the house that I didn’t like, we tend to choose things together.

SPELLING SORRY - I am sure your husband has a garage wall or some other space he can clear and then put up the shelves and the boxes are his to fill as he wishes.

Buy the shelves and storage containers before anything come into the house.

www.bigdug.co.uk/storage-boxes-containers-c363

In my office I have shelves attached to the wall and 24 see through plastic boxes. these have memorabilia, personal history, travel souvenirs etc. I am sure your husband has a garae wall or some other space he can clear and then put up the seves and the boxes are his to fill as he wishes.

We all need to sort out our stuff. Throw away anything you have not used or looked at in last two years. It can be very painful for families to have to decide which things are sentimental and which important in the weeks after your death.

Like Luckynan I've come to the conclusion that life really is too short to waste having arguments about my husband's boarding habit. He's as bad as as the worst examples here and in a way it brings me comfort to know I'm not the only one. Although he drives me mad, we never know what's round the corner and I think I would be full of regret if he wasn't here any more and I'd wasted so much time and energy shouting at him. Like others, I have to content myself by surreptitiously "helping" him move things on, and keeping the place as ordered as I can....?

You don't say how long it is since his mum died. My mum died a couple of years ago and I brought loads of her things back to our house. Now I'm just about ready to get rid of those things. Please don't rush his grieving process.

As someone who is not a hoarder but does hold dear some sentimental items. I involuntary shudder when I read some of you 'get rid' of your spouse's 'stuff'. This is because my DH does this too. He's 'gotten rid' of a number of cherished items of mine. Such as his letters to me during our courtship (which I would have liked to show my grandchildren), a small number of vinyl records collected since childhood, a couple of books given to me from dear friends (now departed), all without my knowledge I hasten to add. I could go on. It sounds like I have mountains of stuff but I am very selective about what I keep. The thing that particularly strikes fear into my heart is when he decides to 'tidy' up the garage/study/attic etc because it inevitably means that MY stuff is going to be junked. I guess he doesn't place much store by sentimental objects. Good job I love him!

The Antique Road Show often has things people find in the attic of a house they have just moved into !

I admit to being a terrible hoarder. Every time I try to have a clearout I spend ages looking through stuff, get sentimental over it and end up keeping 99% of it. I need to downsize as I live alone in a huge house which is full of stuff. Lots of it belonged to my ex but is now mine to do with as I please, but I even struggle getting rid of that in case my kids want any of it. When my DM died (almost 10 years ago) I brought a car load of stuff back and meant to sort through the photos and scan some for my brother and uncle but I didn't get far with that. This thread has got me thinking and I really must look through the photos again. Maybe I'll find the time during lockdown now I'm retired too.

My husband seems to have a set of rules just for himself. Everything he possesses which actually is not very much and should have been binned years ago is his, not to be thrown away. to get an old pair of slippers off him is a work of art. Me well I have collected what my girls called took for years. When downsizing my youngest set me up on Etsy to shed what I needed to say goodbye to. I have sold over 2400 items plus a few more, and the joy of it is I still buy and select what I will keep and what I can wave goodbye to. You also collect friendly people to chat to across the globe. A lucrative hobby, so whoop his stuff up and one by one sell it on. He will not notice it has even taken flight.

Fortunately our house is big enough and has so much storage space that we can keep vast amounts of 'stuff' without it impacting on our lives. Every now and again we have a clear out and even as I write there are a dozen boxes of old toys, books and other paraphernalia awaiting a trip to the charity shops. I'm far from being a hoarder, I simply don't have time to deal with stuff piecemeal so bung it in a drawer, cupboard or up in the huge (shelved) attic storeroom until I have time to sort through it.

I have no sentimental attachments, but I keep a folder of special cards and letters, mainly from our children, so that when they are sorting through our stuff after we're gone they will know that I valued them enough to keep them.

My husband is a hoarder got his mother’s old golf trolley non of the grandchildren will play it till they are years older .He’s got her books under the bed and so much smells of cigarette smoke yuck I’m slowly chucking it out my children don’t want it only stuff and they won’t have time to clear it out

He already has an awful lot of his things in and out of the house - garage and shed and the shelves are full of his books with a few of mine.

Not a good idea to keep photos in the loft. Upstairs is ok, but photos can get damaged in a loft. To do with temperature, humidity etc . As for the rest, don't hang on to it for 20+ years like me. They may just deteriorate too, then no use to anyone. Sell stuff if you can. Keep important things like photos. The letters he chucked - I would still be heartbroken. ?

Coco1

Afraid not so. I’m not talking shoe box here . A lot of our rooms have his stuff in them already.

Why not?

If you didn't have your stuff in the rooms and he didn't have his stuff in the rooms they would be bare.

Afraid not so. I’m not talking shoe box here . A lot of our rooms have his stuff in them already.

You say "our house", but your post reads like it is to be your hojse only. Of course he shoukd be abke to have things he wants where he can see them. There needs to be a compromise such as sone rooms how you want them and some for him.
I imagine he finds your minimalism as annoying as you find his clutter.

I had a suitcase full of Biba dresses from the early seventies and a few years ago my DH threw out the suitcase without looking to see what was inside. They might have actually been worth something, but certainly reminded me of my youth and I grumbled for years until I did a similar thing last year. I gave a load of books to the charity shops but one of the books was written by a dambusters pilot called Alan Scott. It had been signed by him. It was only when Alan Scott died recently that my husband went looking for the book and I realised that we no longer had it. I feel awful about it, so neither of us moans about our precious lost items anymore!