My inlaws live approximately 600km away from where we are based at the moment.
I have only known my inlaws for a little bit longer than two years which isnt long and I have known their son for four years. We have two children a 2 year old and 4 month old.
My relationship with my MIL is strained to say the least and I am struggling to interact with her. I find her quite bossy and overbearing and I'm unsure how to tell her (or even if to tell her) that I would prefer she didnt tell me how she would handle our children for any given situation. I think my FIL is awesome and he has told me a number of times that I should just agree with my MIL in the moment and then do whatever I want anyway. My husband just laughs and says that's what mum does when I try to discuss how I can broach the subject with her - he agrees that she expects to get what she wants. I met my MIL less than two weeks after my own mother died which prob wasnt ideal because i was still sad all she talked about was how she dealt with her own mothers death 10 years before and how it was crazy that my mother died younger when she was younger than her. I mentioned that all people deal with bereavement differently and that I was working thru mine my own way but she still kept offering unsolicited advice.
I dont think my MIL would be someone that I would choose to associate with if we didnt have her son in common so I am aware that a relationship always has two sides and that both ppl are responsible and need to make an effort to get along but I am just not sure what to do or say ... what I am doing atm doesnt work so I need to change something. What I struggle with the most is face to face visits (although due to the timing of covid we hadn't seen them face to face for nearly a year).
* We see them at their house
* she is very particular about where things are and how things are done in her house which is her right but makes it difficult with children and toys
* she trys to dictate when the children should do things, bedtimes and wake up and when they should have baths - which is essentially the right idea but doesnt work all the time and def not when children are in a new environment.
* she undermines my decisions-little things like I told my 2 year old she could have juice at lunch cause we were at nans for a holiday and then she said no cause they only have juice in the morning (I had purchased the juice)
* my two year old had her birthday while we were there and she didnt get to open her presents until lunch time cause Nan was busy washing and vacuuming (we spent christmas day at theirs last year and my daughter wasnt allowed to open santa presents until 4.30pm when I would have let her open them after breakfast but it's her house therefore her rules and we waited for her sister to get there ... if my daughter has of been older I would have pushed this point.
Because we see them a few times a year at most I just let all this ride but this last visit it really got to me and I need to address it now as it's not sustainable. If it was anyone else other than my MIL I would just not see them. If my own mother was like this i would be able to tell her what I think. If i or our children never spoke to her or saw her again i would be ok with that but i get that isnt reasonable approach
Has anyone had this happen to them or how would you prefer your daughter in law to handle it
cait Tue 12-Jan-21 20:25:02
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Lolo81 Tue 12-Jan-21 21:08:03
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Esspee Tue 12-Jan-21 22:29:21
Alexa Tue 12-Jan-21 22:58:22
V3ra Tue 12-Jan-21 23:37:06
cait Tue 12-Jan-21 23:38:19
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cait Wed 13-Jan-21 03:10:56
Nicegranny Wed 13-Jan-21 05:13:09
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cait Fri 15-Jan-21 20:44:06
welbeck Fri 15-Jan-21 21:22:38