Lockdown Marriage/relationshi ps...be honest, be brave.

Agree Jennifereccles

Agree JE . Wouldn’t it be nice if one or two came back to apologise !!

"I am at a loss to understand why this perfectly innocuous thread has generated so many nasty comments" you're not alone JenniferEccles.

I can’t believe that the OP’s experience of a calm civilised split is all that unusual.

Surely problems arise mainly when one party wants out and the other doesn’t, but there must be many instances when both sides come to a perfectly amicable decision to go their separate ways.

Obviously it does help that both of them are financially independent, but I am sure there are many other couples in a similar situation.

I am at a loss to understand why this perfectly innocuous thread has generated so many nasty comments.

Brilliant post...I wish you well...were it not for family 'complications '...and my age..and finances....I would love to be able to do what you are doing ..Good luck...to you both.

Hope you ignore all the snide comments Spiritof67. E.g, “ “When the separation has actually happened might be a better time to tell how wonderful it all is.”
What you’re doing makes sense IMO.

Good luck to you and your ex wife,

Luckygirl yes I agree. I have said on many posts on different subjects - embrace everyone we're all different.

The issues people have are different too. He's not left yet.
When the separation has actually happened might be a better time to tell how wonderful it all is.

I do not take issue with the OP's decision - clearly the right thing for them.

It is the idea that he is brave - and the exhortation for others to be brave that I question.

What he is doing is not bravery - it is simply common sense.

And for others a different decision makes sense - they do not lack bravery; they are simply doing what is right for them, as he is for him.

I'll keep it down in future Lucca (I won't ??).

First time posters who come across as rather outspoken, and not coy and apologetic usually get a tough time.
I should know!

“What a bunch of narrow minded, pursed lipped, buttoned up old people there are on GN, only able to comprehend that the life they've lived is the only way to live a life. You've revealed a great deal about yourselves today.”

Absolutely ! It’s been a day for it with all the miserable comments about lady Gaga singing too loud etc !

I expected shock horror because of some of the initial responses to the OP; was he searching for a date, why is a man posting on GN, his relationship was shallow and had no roots from the outset; so little acceptance and understanding that anyone could live differently from themselves. It's been quite a revelation of the narrow mindedness of some GNetters.

Yes nobody is scandalised by any of this.

Chewbacca

^Interesting post, Chewbacca. Can I ask what you think might happen if either of you met^ another partner?

It's already happened Mara48. I met someone else shortly after we separated and, whilst it was slightly awkward at first, that didn't last long and my H and "new" partner are quite comfortable in each other's company now. Similarly, H found a new partner after a couple of years and she and I sat together at DS's wedding, chatting quite happily; I like her very much and she's joined us on a number of family outings. No doubt there will be some on this thread who are scandalized by the very thought. Their judgement of how other people live their lives is their problem.

Thank you for answering, Chewbacca. You and your H sound as if you have it sorted!

I’m not sure why you think some people might be scandalised? I assume you’re not in a physical relationship with H and partner? (Sorry, I’m aware that sounds intrusive)

I am divorced as well. I have had a partner for 11 years, and ex has remarried, Ex husband and I have a Daughter and Son together and we have all met up on occasions and their has been no problems.
So again I wish the OP good luck. I dont think it is about being brave though, as some people are not in a position to leave a loveless marriage.
The fact the OP and his partner are, and have done something about it is to be commended.

I wish my parents had been as wise Spirit. They both re married after they divorced and when they divorced again it was just as acrimonious as it had been first time around.

They both found lasting happiness in their third marriages; thank goodness.

Thank you for responding Spirit. That would explain why you’re doing things differently second time around. I would expect you to have learnt something from previous mistakes, and it sounds like you have.
Obviously, it can’t be applied to everyone else necessarily, as people are all so different in their circumstances, but that’s not to say someone reading this can’t benefit from what you’ve said.
All the best to you and soon to be ex wife...and wish you both happiness in the future?

Toadinthehole

Interesting thread, many replies have said what I would have said. Can I ask though....how did your first relationship ship end? Was it as ' easy' as this one appears to be? What about your wife's first relationship as well? Just interested to know.

No, both our respective previous marriages ended messily & expensively.....I think we both entered the “current marriage” with a positive “we can do this”......having suffered (wrong word ?) the distress of a prolonged malicious breakups....we were both adamant we didn’t want to put a fellow human through that experience again.....

Interesting post, Chewbacca. Can I ask what you think might happen if either of you met another partner?

It's already happened Mara48. I met someone else shortly after we separated and, whilst it was slightly awkward at first, that didn't last long and my H and "new" partner are quite comfortable in each other's company now. Similarly, H found a new partner after a couple of years and she and I sat together at DS's wedding, chatting quite happily; I like her very much and she's joined us on a number of family outings. No doubt there will be some on this thread who are scandalized by the very thought. Their judgement of how other people live their lives is their problem.

rafichagran

Good luck in the future OP. I am disgusted at the narrow mindedness of a poster who thinks you were surfing on here.

Interesting post, Chewbacca. Can I ask what you think might happen if either of you met another partner?

We did the same, for similar reasons, but before the lockdown. and after over 30 years together. It wasn't a quick decision, and it certainly want easy. We have worked to make the split as amicable civilised and polite as possible. Not least because we have three adult children and don't want them to feel caught in the cross fire. As Kandinsky said many people stay together for companionship, but when you are mid 50's and realise you have very little in common any more the next 30 years of 'companionship' can look like a long stretch!

Great post Chewbacca.

I've been married to H for 47 years. By mutual consent we've lived, very happily and amicably apart, for 17 years. We are firm friends, the first one to call when either one of us needs help, we enjoy family events, picnics and family celebrations as a complete family. We just don't love each other enough to want to live together and, although it was an often bumpy road for us to get to this point, it was worth it. It isn't your conventional marriage. It could even be deemed, as one poster suggested a relationship that was always shallow and had no roots. I cannot imagine why they evr bothered to marry in the first place.

What a bunch of narrow minded, pursed lipped, buttoned up old people there are on GN, only able to comprehend that the life they've lived is the only way to live a life. You've revealed a great deal about yourselves today.

Good luck in the future OP. I am disgusted at the narrow mindedness of a poster who thinks you were surfing on here.