I met the love of my life at age 13. We meandered in and out of each others lives until I moved 300 miles away to work. That was almost 40 years ago.
About 3 years ago I received an email from him and we communicated, initially very cautiously, but it progressed and we finally met up about a year ago.
He is divorced with 3 adult children and I have been alone forever. Sadly, he has Parkinson's Disease which was diagnosed 8 years ago.
I was so scared. I had never known anyone with PD. It was heartbreaking to see what it had done to this 6ft 2in, athletic, gorgeous man. I walked on eggshells trying to understand his condition. But, honestly, at age 67 and 69 we fell hopelessly head over heels. Despite his condition we were like teenagers, it felt like we had come home and I couldn't believe how happy and lucky I was.
We live 70 miles from each other and, upon reflection, I think he hid a lot of his PD issues from me. What an evil disease it is. Over time I discovered and learned a lot about PD and eventually I became very aware of his serious tiredness, his irritability, his obsessive and sometimes inappropriate behaviour, and lots more, but I tried to ride these mini storms, when normally I wouldn't have done, because I knew he had no control over a lot of what was happening. Despite all of that we were so, so happy.
It is really difficult, if not impossible, to see and hear things being said and done and not be able to work out how much of it is attributable to PD. Eventually, that moment arrived when he did something that I had to challenge, the effect on him was huge.
He managed to communicate how stressed and unwell it had made him and also that he was sorry for upsetting me but, also, that he felt his condition made it impossible to have a relationship with anyone because he can be so grizzly, irritable, aggressive, apathetic etc.
I responded to him and, I guess, as is my wont, let him have my very honest view. He now won't reply to texts, emails, letters or phone calls.
I am bereft because it all feels unfinished and so sad that, having found each other after all the years, I will never see or speak with him again.
Is there anyone out there that has had a similar experience? Does PD make it impossible for him to communicate? I know he will be lying low because he knows he can't function as normal and in the very early days he said to me that PD made him unpredictable and "if I ever treat you badly tell me to "go away" because it will kill me if I treat you wrongly".
There's a part of me that says he's trying to protect both of us but, as I now realise, that we could never have a "normal" relationship and that I really would be happy to have whatever PD allows us to have so that we can still enjoy each others company and support each other whenever that is needed.
I have explained all of this to him but nothing, no reply or acknowledgement whatsoever.
Is PD this evil? Has anyone got any insight into such behaviour and how to encourage him to communicate or should I be trying very hard to forget him.
I am so confused......
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