Relationships with cousins

Hi Kestrel it's such a shame when estrangement results in family members losing touch with their extended family.

It will take time for you to get to know them and for them to know you but it looks as if you've made a positive start. I don't think you've left it too late and time will tell if your expectations are too high.

I hope you'll get to know them and you will all benefit from getting to know one another.

Ignore the word cousin and these are just people you want to get to know, if they are not so inclined the you have to accept that.

Because they are vaguely related makes no difference.

I think this is quite common now with the popularity of ancestry sites.

I think for deep meaningful relationships it takes years to develop. They're made up of memories as well as personalities. This applies to non blood as well as families. Happily I have a smashing relationship with most of my cousins. We meet regularly for lunch in 'normal' times. Crazy bunch!

They may suspect your motives for getting in touch - perhaps they wonder if you are a needy person who is looking for helpers, carers or financial support. TV programmes like ‘Long Lost Family’ present a very rosy picture of separated relatives falling into one another’s arms and becoming best friends forever, but they don’t show the many, many cases where long estranged relatives have little in common and no particular interest in one another.

It might be interesting to ask yourself why you are so keen to develop ‘good relationships’ with them.

Most of mine are in France, Australia and Canada. I have a few over here who I rarely see, only at funerals of late. I'm more in touch with the ones abroad, particularly my favourite one in France we email fairly regularly.

Yes I agree Peasblossom just because they are cousins doesn't necessarily mean they want a relationship at this late stage.
Keep in contact Kestrel but don't expect too much.

Expecting too much I’m afraid. Most of them will have family, friends, commitments, pleasures built up over a lifetime.

It doesn’t mean they don’t like you, just that you’re an acquaintance rather than somebody close.

There might be one you hit it off with especially, but that could be true of anyone you meet.

I think perhaps you will have to go slowly after such a long time.
Hopefully you may build a friendship.

I just wish that I had some cousins that I knew.

None from Mum's side, but Dad's brother's children, I have never known.