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Grand daughter fit

(24 Posts)
Moomaw Thu 18-Feb-21 22:43:03

For the 1st time I sent my 5 yr. old grand daughter and 3 year old grandson home to their dad's. Our grandson was mouthy to pop pop and my grand daughter had a 30 min. fit because I did not play dolls with her when she demanded because I was playing ball with her brother. She was invited to play, too, but did not want to. She decided to knock over dining chairs and throw toys across my living room. I ended up calling her dad. Was this a "correct" way to handle this? They were supposed to spend the night.

freedomfromthepast Thu 18-Feb-21 23:07:14

I am a parent but not yet a grandparent. I think you 100% did the right thing. Yes, she is 5. But that is the perfect age to start learning that behaviors has consequences.

Good on you.

cornishpatsy Thu 18-Feb-21 23:16:18

It was correct for you at the time however you have now set a precedent that in future if your grandchild wants to go home she knows what to do.

Maybe they are getting too much for you to handle comfortably.

Moomaw Thu 18-Feb-21 23:24:08

This is the first time this has happened. She was really upset she hff ad to leave. They always hate to leave. I feel bad seeing her so upset.

Moomaw Thu 18-Feb-21 23:25:49

Thank you. I feel terrible about it.

Grandma11 Thu 18-Feb-21 23:32:48

Maybe have them visit you one at a time and take turns? That way they cannot wind each other up and you too maybe? My late Mother spent over 30years of her life as a Children's Nurse, but would not have more than one of her three Grandchildren to stay overnight at a time, or to visit during the day unless I was with them.
I certainly could not cope with more than one at a time and mind are much older now at 13, 10, 8, 8, and 7!

Moomaw Thu 18-Feb-21 23:46:38

I usually do split them up, but their mom works late tonight and I have them again in morning, so I thought it would be easier on all for them to stay. We just got over a foot of snow, it is snowing now, and very cold.

Hithere Fri 19-Feb-21 00:31:59

She may have gotten jealous her brother had all the attention and she had none (at that moment)

How about finding an activity they both enjoy?
I would also tell her - 5 more minutes with your brother and I will be right with you

cornishpatsy Fri 19-Feb-21 00:37:32

Just re read my answer.
I am sorry I was so abrupt, I have been in a bad mood all day, I think it's just all getting too much.
Maybe the children were also having an off day.

At least you have set some boundaries now that they know you will follow through with.

They would only have been upset for a short time, you did nothing wrong.

Moomaw Fri 19-Feb-21 00:49:23

They are at dad's, all better, while I am still traumatized. We all have our days. grin

GrannyRose15 Fri 19-Feb-21 01:00:12

I suppose it depends if you think that time with you should be seen as a reward for good behaviour that can be withdrawn if the child behaves badly.

That certainly isn't the way I see it. My grandchildren (DD's DC) know they have a relationship with me that is separate from the one they have with their parents. DD, DSil, DH and I all back each other up on most things but I would never dream of sending the children home if they misbehaved - my house, my rules, my discipline.

GrannyRose15 Fri 19-Feb-21 01:04:01

Sorry if that sounds harsh. I don't mean to upset you further. But you did ask.

Moomaw Fri 19-Feb-21 01:14:32

I did ask. Thank you for your input.

GrannyRose15 Fri 19-Feb-21 01:32:38

I hope you've had time to calm down a little. I do understand how hard these situations can be. Are you on your own or does your DH help with the grandchildren at all?

Moomaw Fri 19-Feb-21 02:25:20

My husband was here, but left for work shortly after. My daughter has picked them up from their dad's and they are coming over for a bit. My grand daughter's request. Big hugs and lovings from moomaw when she gets here.

CanadianGran Fri 19-Feb-21 02:50:32

Don't feel too bad. they do need to learn consequences. Hopefully when she comes later you can have a talk with her and she can see the reason behind being sent home.

I remember one frightful outing with my GC; I brought them swimming and everything was fine until we had to leave. They really misbehaved in the change room. Gdaughter screaming like a banshee all the way home! I had to pull over at one point to collect myself because she kicked off her boots and one came flying from the back seat. I made her walk from the car to house with no boots, and it was rainy and cold. Not far, but I was done with her, and shaking I was so angry! I had a sleepless night over it, but I did end up talking with both mum and GD the next day to smooth emotions. It seems there is no reasoning with them at times, but they do need to learn that they can't get away with that behaviour if they want to spend time with us.

Moomaw Fri 19-Feb-21 03:40:08

All is well. Thank you all for listening and your feedback. It is very much appreciated.

Polarbear2 Fri 19-Feb-21 08:16:21

Oh don’t feel too bad. I’ve lost my temper more than once looking after our 2. I had to go up the garden and throw things! Big cuddles will make all ok.

Gingster Fri 19-Feb-21 08:32:07

Yes, all will be well. A new day, a new start. I think they will now know grandma is no pushover

ElaineI Fri 19-Feb-21 18:51:28

You did exactly right and they will now realise that you expect better behaviour like their parents especially from a 5 year old. Your DD is probably furious with them. Glad you have made up and that’s also the right thing to do. About behaviour just now - don’t know where you live - but in UK children have had disrupted learning for a year almost and now it’s affecting their mental health. Tantrums from younger children, anxiety and increase in eating disorders in pre teens and teenagers and self harm. CAMHS referrals are up and units are full. This is why all devolved governments are keen to get children back to school and other locked down areas will have to wait. DD2 is CAMHS nurse and they are struggling.

GrannyRose15 Fri 19-Feb-21 21:13:43

Children have certainly suffered over the last year and it is not surprising that we are seeing many of them acting up. Though children always have and always will push the boundaries.

I am always a little concerned though with phrases such as "they have to learn" and "actions have consequences". Both are undoubtedly true but we have to ensure that they learn the lesson we want them to learn from the consequences we impose on them.

Aveline Fri 19-Feb-21 22:30:14

Just a silly reminiscence. When I was about your GD's age I was splashing in the bath. My darling Gran, who I really loved best in the world, had obviously had enough of me and said, 'I'd you don't stop splashing like that I'll scream.' the devil got into me so I continued to splash. Well she screamed. I got the shock of my life and never played up again. She did what she said she was going to do and I always remembered it. Fran meant what she said.
Of course we made up later but it was a good lesson.

Aveline Fri 19-Feb-21 22:30:57

Sorry for typos. Fingers letting me down!

NotTooOld Fri 19-Feb-21 22:52:48

Don't feel bad. I would probably have done the same!