Culpability

I have a gut feeling the first wasn`t planned but the second was.
I say that only because he must have accepted the first a mistake and she thought sod it i want a second.that`s just my opinion.
And yes,he should have worn a condom to be sure of no mistakes.

Sorry but I don’t think it’s any of your business gagajo if you had asked a hypothetical question about pregnancy and culpability it would be a good debate but I think to air someone’s else’s dirty washing on here isn’t a very good idea and not very kind and actually gossipy

I know a woman who has had three deliberate accidents. Each time she thinks her husband might be thinking of leaving her. I don't know if it's a happy marriage or not. They argue a lot but some couples seem to thrive on that. But if she feels he's ready to leave I suspect that all is not well. Anyway she says he loves his children and would never leave whilst they were babies. Hence the accidents.

I agree it is a good debate generally ( which is why I answered generally ) because if the tables are turned and the man wants the baby but the woman doesn’t, he has absolutely no rights whatsoever & the woman can terminate the pregnancy.

They're both responsible GagaJo. If he didn't want children he should have taken his own precautions to ensure that none were created.

OK maybe he was deceived the first time, but the second!!!!

should have put something on the end of it then shouldn't he..don't leave it up to the female if you want to be sure of not making not one but two babies.

Did he skip biology class, ignore the internet and basic consequences for his actions the first time?qq

I have no sympathy for an adult man child that "has been trapped"

I hope those kids do not know what his father thinks about them - being mistakes and unwanted

Kandinsky

I agree it is a good debate generally ( which is why I answered generally ) because if the tables are turned and the man wants the baby but the woman doesn’t, he has absolutely no rights whatsoever & the woman can terminate the pregnancy.

That is true Kandinsky but of course it's the woman who carries the child for 9 months and gives birth, this could seriously damage her physical and mental health. It's not really a fair comparison.
I agree that if a man does not want children then he should take responsibility for contraception.

I know of someone else, not a friend, who got pregnant twice more, after her husband believed they had finished their pregnancy. The first time, he accepted it. The second, he said he'd leave if she had the baby. She didn't.

It's a difficult situation. But ultimately, unless it is a genuine accident, I think we all have to take responsibility for pregnancy. No good blaming someone else if as individuals, we aren't taking responsibility for our own fertility.

Sorry, poorly written. Should read: after her husband believed they had finished adding to their family.

Carelessness on both parts.

Kandinsky

May I ask what kind of relationship would you expect to have with the kids produced from a "trapped" relationship if the father was your son?

They are both responsible and now both have to take responsibility for two innocent children who didn't actually ask to be born!!

You must be very close with this friend of yours for him to discuss such intimate and private information. If he really didn't want children then he should have had a vasectomy (like previously mentioned) or used a condom. I would be horrified to think that I was in a relationship with someone who discussed such intimacies with a friend. He ought to be ashamed of himself! I would be reluctant to discuss anything of a personal nature in fear of him telling other people.

One of Jeremy Kyle's favourite sayings lemsip

I would be reluctant to discuss anything of a personal nature in fear of him telling other people.

And that the person he'd confided in then blabbed about it on an open forum.

What on earth is he doing discussing it with you?

Oh get over yourselves. Moral majority. This is an anonymous forum and the details have been anonymised.

That IS what friends do you know, talk to each other about their lives. Maybe you don't have friends that close, but it is very normal.

There is a similar thread on Mumsnet. I don't hear any castigating on there. Perhaps those that disapprove should move to another thread.

Take it you didn't get the response you wanted then?

I'd say the male friend was to blame for not actively taking the responsibility, given that he's the one that didn't want to have children.
It doesn't sound like there's much trust in the relationship and it doesn't sound like a happy home for the two children. Very sad.

Well, I had three children and two were total accidents - not planned but greatly loved. I guess we were both being responsible for contraception but things just happened! My doctor said we must both be super fertile!

I was on the pill when I became pregnant with my first child but on reflection think I had a tummy upset and was vomiting so I assume the pill failed to work. But we were OK with it as we were married and both had good jobs and were probably considering starting a family.

Number two child was planned, we had been using condoms as I did not want to go on the pill again and I got pregnant the first time we did not use one. That was fine, we then decided that my husband would have a vasectomy as we felt two children was enough but he wasn’t allowed to have one on the NHS until the baby was six months old. By which time I was pregnant again, despite using condoms and still breast feeding. We did not consider a termination even though my doctor suggested it as he felt it was too soon for my body to recover and so our third child arrived and again, was much loved and welcomed.

But we were so worried about getting pregnant again that we did not have proper sex for six months and my husband went ahead with the snip at the earliest date even though it was Friday the thirteenth!

So not all accidents are planned!

Chewbacca

Take it you didn't get the response you wanted then?

Just a few Mary Whitehouse types. Nee bother pet.

The pill is not 100% reliable - no method is. If you have sex then you are jointly responsible. If you absolutely don't want a pregnancy you keep organ in the bag! Sounds like she would be better off without him and poor children to find out your father was bitter you were conceived.

Only abstinence is the only reliable 100% method

Just a few Mary Whitehouse types

Not really GagaJo but if one of my friends had confided in me about something so personal, I'd keep that confidence to myself, not open it up to a discussion on a public forum. And if one of my friends did that after I'd confided in them, I'd judge them. As for your friend, he needs to grow up and acknowledge that he was 50% responsible in the making of his offspring so stop whining about it now. And choose who he confides in more wisely.